Today I have a hard time being grateful. For the first time since we moved here I hate it here. Countryside living is just not easy. Being alone with kids are not easy. The community expects us to be a part of everything, but the same community doesn’t open up for new people.

It’s been 20 months, close to 2 years, since we moved here and we are still “new”. Outsiders.

I hate being introverted on days like these. Days were I need people around me. It makes me feel like a misfit. A freak. I want to protect my kids from this and my impulse is to keep them closer, shield them from this community . But they want to be a part. And that’s natural. So I smile when they are up. But I cry when I’m alone.

I hate feelings like this. It’s two steps forward and…

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