tears of attempting  suicide. .just a looser 

“Triggers ”

It’s me tonight crying screaming and trying to find a head space of okness. .I feel like I’m my mom years of watching her try end her life yet that’s just a feeling …it’s me and I’m battling, the walls are tumbling down family arrive in hours from UK and hubby and I fight because I’m battling I’m not ok. ..

It’s unfair I didn’t ask for this..I spent hours alone contenplating the guts I’m just a looser alone in it and the rest win again 😩:'(

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2 comments

  1. You’re never a loser! Your illness can make you feel that way but it’s not you. I hate to say the type of thing, if your husband won’t accept you are ill and expect you to act a certain way. FUCK HIM! You are what matters. What is meow important satisfying everyone by being wait service or trying to pull yourself together. Talk to your kids alone and they may or not understand you are sick. If they don’t it’s not the end of their world.
    as we’ve talked before if you are thinking of suicide go to hospital. You are to sick and might react to another insult. Lisa, It’s a bitch, drag yourself off the sidewalk to the couch and sort through what is the root cause. Lately it sounds like your husband is the trigger?
    Take care. People love you and I know you love your children. Put in the circumstances in order to celebrate with them, I believe you will walk away worse. Think hard on that. You can take the kids for ice cream or something to elebrate their Bday just the say.
    M

    Like

    • Hi M,
      I’m dragging myself around and yes lately with all been happening for us with family illness it’s effecting us differently and then hubby puts preasure on me “I hate it ”
      Last night our older son arrived on a late flight in and this required another trip an hour out and back home ..God knows my father in law came with Brian refused to go as he had started drinking with family after saying day he would go seeing my anxiety. ..coming home my Don drove and I fell out at home with my father in law holding me say don’t do this to urself again lis..
      Hubby then progress to fight as I needed a place to run so bed I needed and a blow up mattress was our bed for this period but hubby wasn’t happy I was going to bed grrr..I did ,said good night I have work in morning a lie I’m sitting at beach only one client this morning and iv said lunch time I’ll be home. ..
      My anxiety is fucking hi M…
      I’m out of my depths

      Like

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