Mess and  confusion 

I’m continously on a journey of bits and pieces. .I’m stumbling and falling with mental health and getting any help the latest of this week being I’m only having a dr appointment on 9 Aug. .it’s to far away so my therapist tried calling still no avail and lastly yesterday I tried to get them to listen again and was brushed off with same meds And to try avoid voices, Now in all sincerity how do I do that fucking idiot do you battle this ???Yesterday afternoon after the morning been like this I had therapy and I shut down my body wanted reassuring it felt prickly sore my mind was dropping little pieces of past episode’s abuse my mother etc  and I couldn’t talk eventually I got paper wrote to becs across the room. .it was something about having a need to sit at her feet and been scared she will leave. ..Her response I remember clearly ahhh lis I’m going no were I promise you I’m not lying. .I blurted she would hurt me when I sat near her ,” I won’t I promise it’s okay to sit next to me anywhere! 

I started crying out loud. .left ..late afternoon I went to our dr a new one he spoke with mental health professionals asked questions I made it clear I’m not going back I wanted my doctor to try manage my meds ..but he came back with there plan and ignored mine after pushing and saying I’m not gonna do there plan anymore listen to me iv been  there ok calm down I will call u at 10 am with a new plan tomorrow promise I’m writing it down iv heard that before. .and with I’ll consult with with my mentor as I’m a register. ..

Today is Friday iv woken crying feeling my mother’s abandonment and Becs in all this mess why ??


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