out come of a psychiatrist and psychologist today..

I was offered 3x psychologist appointment free in the interim well I wait for mental health I think I voiced my concerns as three was joke. .needless the woman rang me and after a few minutes of voicing my opinion she asked I give her the chance 😯:?holly fuck! ! Today we met a quiet gentle soft spoken person took me in ..in scanned she said softly Hi i said hello she said hi mmm is this a game I thought? she asked I tell her a bit about myself What ,what piece..iv recently come off meds in May got sick again ,oh I do this regularly too last was January, I fight like hell as I don’t wanna be like my mom a drug addict! :'(Fuck u tears I start welling up ..she says do u always fight crying ya at this stage I’m at the door up against it my bodies hating this as she asks what I’m feeling! 
I feel like someone is screaming in me in a devilish voice yet it’s me I think  ,she says she glad I don’t you mentioned you don’t  wanna be fixed but to only want me to except me ..it’s like having cancer or my illness excepting is half your battle. ..i try sit I’m battling to stay present tears well she asked again what I was feeling, I feel as though my chest is ripped out its painful the pain was so bad I was feeling I’d need hospital ..I colapased back into couch tried after only 15 min. .what was the nxt 45min gonna be like?

There was a cushion or many I tried without her noticing to hold or touch it ..she noticed hold it tight it’s security lisa fuck women stop staring and within minutes I broke down desolving into the couch I cried screamed sobbed well she continued to talk gently every noise in the building made me jump!  With reassurance she continued, I don’t remember much except to feel no judgment …leaving I drifted into reality of a mental health psychiatrist appointment. ..

David and Christine waited and again things were different whether within me or them I do not know ,but I can tell you he had heard my plea 😤after few questions he said lisa I think you have waited walked and tried to avoid the journey ..let us now begin .Meds have changed from quitiapine to Olanzapine been the new antiphychotic meds with eppilum ,then psychologist came to talk about the waiting list I drifted away there new psychologist is a male Christine will support me we meet Wednesday nxt week at 10.30. .and David will see me on 9 Aug again without failure he promised, somehow I feel his promise. .Last night was my first night of meds new ones and it was different I never felt extremely tired only fell asleep at 11 ish but woke at 7 am sleep it worked however I’m feeling down grey black and a body of emotions  rather than rage to fight!


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