Today I met Hannes once again our first real therapy session with my key worker after our meeting last week. …And guess what I fucking forgot to take my meds this morning, it’s vital as I battle to concentrate without. ..

So all one breathe I babble something like please go easy I forgot my meds Blahhh what was I hoping all in another few minutes I get a lecture and a declaration to promise I’ll take meds daily and not try coming off again as he won’t be able to work with me in that state !

*then came home work and drills and questions about the home work…and more promises to try hard and reconize stuff before and after. 

*Then he dropped the bomb next week there’s no big room but his small office only,by this stage I wanna vomit he calls things up front by there name and then says look I promise not to sit on your lap and I wanna vomit and this pain of me being raped comes from my bottom so badly so blurt out you could you could be so lucky. .so he says I’ll have to dream about you tonight yuk  

I stumbled out the pain so excruciating he never even new about this pain ..I sat for while in the car breathing and neither had a fucking of my triggers 😠:'(

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