As the moments come and go I drift fast and furiously into different parts of my brain…today I had a crises meeting with my psychologist and and though I’m not out the woods the plan is make a “to do list “of my day as I wake,it needs to consist of distraction, self soothing, avoidance and then when I fall again to add happy music to sad moments. .strangely it worked .. but I’m exhausted!

The number of times I’m not taking lunch meds and not by choice but pure anxiety rithes me up and somehow it’s not important but it is I know ..as night falls sleep is awful I toss and turn with my body feeling yuk like I’m sick but far from it..I forced myself to see clients today and wow was reminded how greatful normality seems watching others…tonight is our family gathering and there in depth pain a yurning to be there but with it comes anger and strong desire to beat the crap out of my family for not protecting me and then the abusers fuck u rot in hell 😬 👿 😠 😥 

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