Feeling so low

I’m crying and just feel so alone. .I’m still battling voices I see Hannes in an hour it doesn’t matter it’s me that needs to deal with what’s going on.

My son wants to make amends that’s great, mom is emailing her anxiety about moving to frail care and putting her cat down I’m trying to encourage her baby steps but I’m triggered like hell with her..and hubby is persue in another job in Napier to move out auckland.

It’s all to much I can’t I’m trying hard to avoid my desire to self harm and I’ve made this week that’s all,but I’m not managing my voices they rambling on what a fuck up I am..every thing is hard to concentrate!



    • Hi friend
      Thank you for the kind words. I care about Lisa and want to help her. I’m older and struggled longer so just a few steps ahead of her. The Medical System in America is much better than some countries. It’s hard for me to understand how a person clearly in trouble and potential suicide risk have to wait to two weeks to see her. I’m blessed, the government doesn’t get involved in most insurance issues. Only when they are subsidizing are there more limitations.
      Have a great day.


  1. I’m not trying to come across as a know-it-all, but am wondering if you’ve tried dialoging with you voices. “Talking Back to Your Voices-excerpt from American Scholar 2016 was My blog August 8, I believe, and there’s a shorter one I think the day before. Interesting that as far as I can tell no one ever visited either one of them…Good luck!


  2. Lis
    Hang on, try to focus on the emergency at hand which is your mental health and not harming yourself. Use everything you can to push other issues aside, you need all your strength to pull yourself through until tomorrow. When you go tomorrow, please be very strong about why your anxiety is not being addressed. Your anxiety is blowing the flame to the voices making everything so loud. It happens to me when my anxiety is out of control. Your anxiety is out of your control. Let him know you can not keep going without something to break the communication happening inside. I don’t care how he does it, if you need to go to hospital, go,,,,your life is at stake. You start cutting or worse you steps away from the next painful step. I know in my heart you don’t ant that. Get totally pissed off, scream if you have, cuss him out, get his attention to the gravity of your state of mind. He can not send you home with a damn list again. You have to get him to see what you are going thru don’t go in there and not be totally honest. Speak as loud as you have to, it’s your health, it’s your life, it requires his attn. now, Get back on meds, carry them in a baggie in your pocket if you have to, set multiple alarms anything to remember. The voices are drowning out your memory, push back, kick back everything in your power. Then pray like hell, get on your knees and spill everything out, why you have the pain inside, everything , He knows, it helps you to verbalize. Ask for guidance, ask him to carry you thru this uncontrollable time, praise him for the beautiful miracle son you have, praise him for learning you have mental illness and is guiding you to help to find meds that work.
    I know you can’t process any more info, keep reading over and over if you have to. You are worth it, You are loved and You have the inner strength to fight for your health.

    Liked by 1 person

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