My mood prevails 

I continue to suffer low mood and running out of meds never helped as I got the most violent headache from no eppilum I’m suffering ! Hannes did the testing and I felt left out that we never got to talking about my thoughts of suicide and extreme tiredness ,instead he persued his cognitive testing only to tell me honestly I lack concentration badly and it’s due to my mental health what’s new it’s my life tears welled up and I was frustrated we couldn’t talk and as I was walking out I remembered meds so he organized a week only .I gues Tuesdays psychiatrist appointment I’ll need a list.. no blister packs organized and iv gained 7kg my body hates the extra weight and I’m down exhausted and overwhelmed. .will there be another meds to try with same effects of good qualities?

My husband in Napier at an Interview another contributing factor more change as if this last year since last year July hasn’t brought enough change yuk I hate all changes my mind explodes and last night I was there uptight crying tired and so down ,killing myself seemed better again I felt to wonder off and just do it hoping never to found. .then later when I couldn’t pull myself out he started that his over my low mood and if divorce is the answer to get away from it then do be it grr I had to pray and keep busy as I wanted to lash out badly, later he came to ask what’s going on its more changes and frustration I blurted out that seemed some what to help we then cuddled on the sofa me crying and him I wondered what next?

Well iv spent most of another day crying and sleeping and hubby’s plane was canceled thanks” jet star “maybe tonight if it’s not booked out or tomorrow he’ll be home ,another tiring weekend for him.

Well we don’t know if the big move is final till next week I worry about my son and his course studies for next year at mit lucky Napier has an equavelent but it’s still the whole process and me ,well job search will begin again how this looks and feels is just dawn ting and depressing. anger feels at myself why I allow more change when I don’t cope ..dying feels good 😥


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