Past days

Iv experienced enough anxiety the past days ,my husband left to start work in Napier and we left fighting. .I’m going through many changes some I don’t understand  and others is pure exhaustion of battling mental illness ,meds and my fight with the world! 

We meant to move in few weeks I haven’t yet decided if that will include me or if I don’t manage that far …it’s strangely my boys that keep a vivid picture of possibly moving forward but right now I live hourly if not less …i spent Saturday night vomiting and passed out briefly between pure anxiety and my body rithes to know a day without. 

My old key worker spoke with me last night Michele we friends and she knows me well enough to know this is crap whole I’m in ..she persistent I need to fight the bigger demons  ..Hannes won’t talk for 24 hours until I settle and my key worker follow his instructions Fuck them I’m over help it takes lots to ask that’s why I don’t ask! 

I woke at 4 am this morning lying on my floor alongside my bed I know I was drained. 

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One comment

  1. Lis
    One critical piece of getting better is a Therapist and Psychiatrist, who you trust, who you think is working hard as they can to help you. I keep my feelings, you have to answer, is the trust there? From their, why are you not taking medicine they prescribe without telling them?
    The one answer I know for sure, you are loved and a loving person. I truly your voice and sites are convincing you they have the right answers. I believe your mental illness and high anxiety, stress in moving, a long list, all topped on each other, they have pushed you away and they talk for you now. I don’t believe one word they say. You deserve all the happiness possible. That taking medication I know about is appropriate and can not be taking on and off. Your mind/mental illness is holding you down with a prod. I know your straight and have no doubt, no doubt you will come out of the hell you’re in. You have to give 100% to fight for and the biggest way right now is taken meds.
    I want us to grow old ladies, having a cuppa and gossiping about the neighbors.
    I love you

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