Iv experienced enough anxiety the past days ,my husband left to start work in Napier and we left fighting. .I’m going through many changes some I don’t understand  and others is pure exhaustion of battling mental illness ,meds and my fight with the world! 

We meant to move in few weeks I haven’t yet decided if that will include me or if I don’t manage that far …it’s strangely my boys that keep a vivid picture of possibly moving forward but right now I live hourly if not less …i spent Saturday night vomiting and passed out briefly between pure anxiety and my body rithes to know a day without. 

My old key worker spoke with me last night Michele we friends and she knows me well enough to know this is crap whole I’m in ..she persistent I need to fight the bigger demons  ..Hannes won’t talk for 24 hours until I settle and my key worker follow his instructions Fuck them I’m over help it takes lots to ask that’s why I don’t ask! 

I woke at 4 am this morning lying on my floor alongside my bed I know I was drained.