Iv been holding off writing, there’s some thing happening in my life that I’m oddly aware is a much higher power.
Actually I don’t know why I dont just call it as it is ..I’m been carried daily by the holy spirit and continuesly reminded to surrender ever ounce of my day to my lord ….Now don’t get me wrong I haven’t gone from 0- to the babbling Christian follower But I do believe I’v been gently carried through my trials . Those of you who don’t really know my trial, a few weeks back life became increasing hard minor things became big things massive things actually and every trial knocked me increasingly further down and though I never actually mentioned my plan of when i was ending it all the thought was there and the pain became increasingly heavier leaving my boys and hubby hurt like shit on odd day! During my early feelings a friend reach out and we would mail back and forth ,who would of guessed her words would plant a seed of life rather than to carry my distruction out on myself ..another blogger would pray I know she has for all of the time iv known her shes cared ! Slowly iv been left not talking much but increasingly talking to my god and begging and slowly surrendering without even knowing his guided me.
My days are gently filled with reminders from above with a feeling I can not even begin to explain other than I’m at a place of utter peace with my god )reminding me to gently approach my son’s and husband the same ..it’s a little reminder of almost like not adding petrol on a fire when the flames are incredibly high ..except when iv approached gently they look a little perplexed and might continue to carry on there hurtful behavior but the change is happening in me I apologize or calmly say my say or even go off quietly and cry and surrender my frustration ,pain to the lord and pray for his intervention I can’t do this alone.
ACTUALLY I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ALONE MY LORD ,JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT ARE CARRYING ME HOURLY 👼