As the years have gone by I’m slowly getting better at breaking down walls, though at times it seems with great difficulty. 

My experiences of past relationships since a young child are proving my battles though I’m more aware than before it’s just past experiences! And I will stumble and fall but I keep rising 😰

Today I faced an obstacle with jecanique my post spoke of her mistake not putting the phone down after a voice mail message the message explained going to south island in February ,my instinct as usual just another leaving without saying goodbye what’s new:'(however this week has been that and a new key worker sigh another trust relationship is hard and brian and myself battle. ..my experience with my illness I process my trauma as almost now and almost every time I’m trying to make it right. .within my episode’s I strangely want sex to make things better and almost always cry afterwards as I feel like the child that was used…by no means is it true but I myself can’t comprehend it differently, same with jecanique holiday in south island it’s past experience of people leaving me..

Today I managed to tell her and overcome the feeling of dying rather than going back. ..I’ll survive they both lovely people till next week I know will be another hurdle! SIGH

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