And I break down another wall

As the years have gone by I’m slowly getting better at breaking down walls, though at times it seems with great difficulty. 

My experiences of past relationships since a young child are proving my battles though I’m more aware than before it’s just past experiences! And I will stumble and fall but I keep rising 😰

Today I faced an obstacle with jecanique my post spoke of her mistake not putting the phone down after a voice mail message the message explained going to south island in February ,my instinct as usual just another leaving without saying goodbye what’s new:'(however this week has been that and a new key worker sigh another trust relationship is hard and brian and myself battle. experience with my illness I process my trauma as almost now and almost every time I’m trying to make it right. .within my episode’s I strangely want sex to make things better and almost always cry afterwards as I feel like the child that was used…by no means is it true but I myself can’t comprehend it differently, same with jecanique holiday in south island it’s past experience of people leaving me..

Today I managed to tell her and overcome the feeling of dying rather than going back. ..I’ll survive they both lovely people till next week I know will be another hurdle! SIGH

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