There is something that has become very clear to me, and I’m actually extremely grateful for the acceptance and awareness of this very big issue I face on a daily basis.
It’s taken a very long time to understand the reality of a positive victim-identity/diagnosis.
When I had my breakdown in 1999 I became aware of my attraction to people who were extremely narcissistic.
After that I read all the John Bradshaw books, and was successfully able to identify the ‘family role’ of scapegoat that had been assigned to me at an early age.
Then after repeated experiences of victimisation….I came to a clearer understanding of myself.
I think what has also been helpful is having a friend whom also has victimhood as part of his existence.
This friend had been abused by his mother, and that had brought on the victimhood…
He would tell me of so many instances of being treated badly in the present. Even where he was living, he had his life threatened. Scary, but was an everyday event for him.
Finding another person who experienced the similar experiences I had was profound, because I thought I was the only one.
‘Only one’ in the sense of being the only male.
The last and most recent therapy I’d been having also affirmed my victimhood. This was also excellent to have a therapist who also ‘got’ me.
So where am I today?
Acceptance, Acceptance, Acceptance…
It not about to change, so I need to learn to live with it, and somehow outgrow it.