Disociating at my worst 

The days have left me feeling odd, spacey unable to really understand what the world requires of me,and for me definitely they don’t understand me as I desperately search for words to even try articulate what’s going on!SCARY

I feel as though my brain has trapped my thoughts ..feelings are rough and ever so on top of the skin -every now and then more so often of last couple of days I wanna die end my life. .I chatted with a friend I tried talking to hubby as he was worried ,my friend rang mental health they rang to talk to me yuk I’ll never talk of how this feels maybe that’s what they want. ..the feeling is uncontrollably horrible trying to breathe through the pain iv inflicted on this body actually I’m numb there.

Today at therapy I felt like I was asked a million questions and yet I wasn’t understood the frustration grew and a new dr came to see me to suggest new meds less sedation but I wasn’t able to comprehend I got up left ..my intire session was so spacey for me ! Jamie txt this morning saying I mustn’t feel pushed to see her the key worker but she can come at 10.30 tomorrow I can’t battle more so I’m gonna not make another appointment till im ok to comprehend better that goes for all of mental health . .as usual I’m always worried of other battling my feelings !:'(

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