grievances over grief … or the lack thereof

survivor road

i’m starting to get flack from my siblings over my not attending my eldest sister’s memorial next month.  i don’t know why anyone is surprised – i haven’t communicated with any of them since the sperm-donor’s funeral.

she was perpetrator numero uno.  the one that so shattered my defences and my self image that i was easy prey for all that followed.

there is a post ‘dedicated’ to her here:  a sister’s love

i refuse to feel guilty.  i refuse to be manipulated yet once more for her sake, much less by any of them.  it was not MY doing.  i was innocent then, i am innocent now.

so why do i have this nagging fear i will drive out there in four weeks?

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