Putting a child on the bench of a judge is a sad place to be.
Avoid this for the sake of your children. If you have a parenting plan, follow it. If you agreed to do something, like therapy, do it. Be reasonable and realistic about your child’s changing needs as they grow. Do not speak badly of the other parent when speaking with the children , no matter how you feel about him or her. Do not force your children to “choose sides”, or engage in bashing the other parent. If children have their own concerns about the other parent, just listen. Unless they are revealing blatant abuse, they really just need you to help them process the world with them.
If your ex needs to converse about the needs or concerns about the children, share that concern…or help ease that concern. Blaming and threatening will not help your children.
If only we had the wisdom of King Solomon in court. Just as King Solomon saw clearly, which mother truly had the best interest and love for the child, judges would see through the lies of a parent who views the children as “property”, and parenting as a contest with a winner and a loser (black and white thinking/all or nothing mentality).
I know of parents who have released their tie as their children’s primary caregiver, just to avoid putting the children in the middle of what they perceive would be an unnecessary battle.
Just to be clear, I am not talking about situations where there is blatant abuse or other factors involved that affect the well-being of the children. If your children are being harmed, you need to protect them. I wonder how the King Solomon story might be different if the biological mother knew that the lying woman was a murderer, or abused other children……what do you think?
1 Kings 3:16-28New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Solomon Wisely Judges
16 Then two women who were harlots came to the king and stood before him. 17 The one woman said, “Oh, my lord, [a]this woman and I live in the same house; and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. 18 It happened on the third day after I gave birth, that this woman also gave birth to a child, and we were together. There was no stranger with us in the house, only the two of us in the house. 19 This woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on it. 20 So she arose in the middle of the night and took my son from beside me while your maidservant slept, and laid him in her bosom, and laid her dead son in my bosom. 21 When I rose in the morning to nurse my son, behold, he was dead; but when I looked at him carefully in the morning, behold, he was not my son, whom I had borne.” 22 Then the other woman said, “No! For the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son.” But [b]the first woman said, “No! For the dead one is your son, and the living one is my son.” Thus they spoke before the king.
23 Then the king said, “[c]The one says, ‘This is my son who is living, and your son is the dead one’; and [d]the other says, ‘No! For your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.’” 24 The king said, “Get me a sword.” So they brought a sword before the king. 25 The king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.” 26 Then the woman whose child was the living one spoke to the king, for [e]she was deeply stirred over her son and said, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means kill him.” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him!” 27 Then the king said, “Give [f]the first woman the living child, and by no means kill him. She is his mother.” 28 When all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had [g]handed down, they feared the king, for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to [h]administer justice.