When a Toxic Family Member Passes Away

A toxic family member passes away…in a toxic family.  There are so many conflicts and court orders for “no contact”, that most of the family can’t even attend the funeral!  What to do?

Do you send flowers?  Well, if there are “no contact” orders, you probably shouldn’t.  If the toxic family will most likely throw the expensive flowers away…you shouldn’t.  If the toxic family members might take the flowers to their own home….you probably shouldn’t.  

We just experienced this.  I REALLY wanted to send flowers, as is customary here.  But….I had another idea.

I put together some gift bags to take to the nursing home where the family member spent her last days.  Fuzzy non skid socks, lotion, shampoo, toothbrushes, and large print word finds were put in the bags.  Little AoA decorated the bags and added gift tags.

There are lots of wonderful things that can be done in memory of a loved one, other than sending flowers.

I may still visit her resting place….and take flowers…after the funeral.

What is something you have done in someone’s memory?




  1. Great idea AOA, toxic people from toxic family perpetuates the toxic feeling they cast on you. The way you handled was perfect, very specific to the space the person spent time. No doubt, non toxic people who are thankful for any thought. You turned a bad situation to a good pay it forward. Way to go!

    Liked by 1 person

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