“Stop telling yourself you can fix him. He’s been this way for a long, long time and he doesn’t intend to change. Don’t be a sacrificial lamb on the altar of his rage. Don’t play the martyr to his hate. You can never save someone by letting them destroy you. That’s not love, it’s […]
People would always say, “I would never let anyone treat me like that.” They don’t realize abuse is not always just physical or outright verbal. Some abuse is more insidious and starts out slow, with continuous small indiscretions, until they program you to accept their bad behaviors. It’s punishing you with emotional distance, and making you feel unworthy, it’s slowly ignoring your wants and needs, making you feel unloved or unimportant. It’s a progressive manipulation, where you ultimately find yourself, wondering how you even got in that position.
When I started to write down what I would talk about in this post sometime last year. The facts and trauma that came up from the memories, are what pushed me, to find my faith again and get therapy for myself and my kids. This post helped me see how much help we really needed.
My youngest daughter Lydia was 5 years…
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1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always preserves.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
*the above verse was read at my wedding
Gaslighting definition: Gaslighting is used to describe abusive behavior, specifically when an abuser manipulates information in such a was as to make a victim question his or her sanity. Gaslighting intentionally makes someone doubt their memories or perception of reality.
Triangulation (in relationship) definition: refers to a form of splitting in which one person…
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I realize I haven’t written in a while. So today I’m breaking the silence. I will in a later post continue to write about what I’ve experienced in my jorney of learning about my mental health, however because I myself am writing it and seeing what I’ve been through in my life in print for the first time. My heart, my soul, and my mind are taking some time to deal with the hurt. To mourn who I was and who I am becoming, by working through my past. I appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my words and hear my story and for that, I owe myself and my readers, my writing with a clear mind. My family has been going through a hard time at the moment, and at times (even though I try not to) I find myself placing the blame in wrong places and…
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I realize I haven’t written in a while. So today I’m breaking the silence. I will in a later post continue to write about what I’ve experienced in my jorney of learning about my mental health, however because I myself am writing it and seeing what I’ve been through in my life in print for […]
“If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, Than you’re a badass with a heart of an angel.” -Keanu Reeves This has been the blog post that I have had the worst time putting out there. Not cause I’m scared, I’ve been in places in […]
“Mothers cannot give from a depleted source. Every mother needs emotional, mental, physical and spiritual validation, nourishment and support. When a mother is respected and well cared for, she, and her whole family, will benefit.” I think this has been the post I’ve mostly put off. There is a lot of things that happened, that […]
“I lay in bed at night, thinking about every possible thing, I fucked up today.” I think everyone that self harms, remembers the first time they cut. I can’t remember the exact day. I was sixteen, and it was on my wrist with a razor blade I removed from a razor. The feeling at the […]
“And all of a sudden I felt really tired. Like the world had drained me for everything that I had.” (bgt) Everyone has some anxiety in one way or another. The college student that is in finales will most likely have anxiety and nervousness about her/his upcoming tests. The first day of a new job or […]
“You wake up every morning to fight the demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.” I think I remember my first depressive episode happening in my early 20’s. I had gone through so much already at that age that honestly I’m not surprised I didn’t end up in […]
“You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering.” -Ernest Hemingway I’ve always been a balls to the wall person. I don’t have a grey area, I either do it as impeccable as I can or I refuse to do it at all. Being in a manic state, is when I get things done. […]
“Your only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”-Robin Williams The confirmed diagnosis. I had a major depressive disorder diagnosis, for about 2 years before it changed. I was of course on medication and waiting for it to help with my chaotic mind. It helped a bit, but not enough to change […]
Empath- A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. I think I realized I am an empath at around the age of 13; however coming from a family that knew nothing about empaths became difficult for me to understand why I could feel other people emotions and […]
Thanks for joining me! “I’m both; introvert and extrovert. I like people but I need to be alone. I’ll go out, vibe, and meet new people but it has an expiration, because I have to recharge. If I don’t find the valuable time I need to recharge I cannot be my highest self.”-Sylvester McNutt III Growing […]