Author: sedge808

i'm mostly an urban photo-er, but will photo most things.

12 signs of Complex – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Posted in PTSDTagged , 13 Comments

A long period of time.

First 16 years of life.

  1. Hypervigilance (felling that nothing is safe)
  2. We can never relax.
  3. We cannot really sleep properly. (plagued with nightmares and night terrors)
  4. We hate ourselves.
  5. We are drawn to highly unavailable people.
  6. We are sickened by people who want to be cozy with us.  (I can’t sleep with another person).
  7. We are prone to lose our temper very badly.
  8. We are paranoid and worried things are going to go bad again.
  9. We like being alone.
  10. We find living so exhausting and so unpleasant, we do sometimes long that we don’t exist anymore.
  11. We are rigid about our routines. OCD.
  12. We throw ourselves into work.

The root cause of complex PTSD is an absence of love.

And the cure for it is the same path. We need to love someone we hate…

Ourselves.

say my name — Noir

Posted in Moving On3 Comments

How many intelligent couples, that I’ve befriended have the thing of calling each other ‘babe’. The ‘cringe’ factor is overwhelming +++ But when I look back to my last relationship, (of three years), I was never called by my name, and it really got to me in the end. I got so angry and pissed […]

say my name — Noir

James Blake – Mile High feat. Travis Scott and Metro Boomin (Official Video) — Noir

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I’m a huge fan of James Blake. He has an amazing voice, and uses it in a unique way. tune up the volume to get the full effect. Don’t wanna see you by yourself, by yourself By yourself, by yourself, by yourself We on a drive, looped in Two seat ride, couped in Who gon’ […]

James Blake – Mile High feat. Travis Scott and Metro Boomin (Official Video) — Noir

Quote — Noir

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Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated Truth is the handmaiden of love Dialogue is the pathway to truth Humility is recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small So speech must be untrammeled So that dialogue […]

Quote — Noir

The Joker & The Lighthouse — Noir

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Both of these films were very important and very anticipated for me. Both were very confronting and disturbing. The Joker faced mental illness ‘head on’ and I’m not even sure I want to see it again….a bit like ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’…another confronting film, but also brilliant. I saw the lighthouse today….and after the […]

The Joker & The Lighthouse — Noir

Viktor E. Frankl

Posted in QuotesTagged , , 6 Comments

I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good.

man's seach for meaning

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor Frankl

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

He says: Instead of constantly trying to avoid suffering, one is to embrace it. This takes away it’s power over us.
He says this about all our neurotic behaviour. Go towards it, and it will dissipate.
This make a lot of sense. I need to be brave, to do this.
His story and his book, are a huge inspiration for me.

sedge808

how philosophy has helped me Grow

Posted in philosophyTagged , , 2 Comments

the big one is: there is no such thing as objective reality.

i.e. I was abused as a child, even though i had done nothing wrong.  So if there is  meaning, the only meaning can or could be is: I am a bad person. (I spent my entire childhood (and beyond) believing this).

In reality,  the abuse has no meaning.

These days i spend a lot of time reading all the existential  philosophers. These are really helpful because they help me re-contextualize my existence. Yes. I call myself an existential nihilist.

…and pretty much all of the sages I follow, say similar stuff.

Eckhart Tolle: there is no good or bad. There is only ‘what is’.

A Course in Miracles: Lesson 1. Nothing I See Means Anything.

David Hawkins: The other person merely mirrors back what we are projecting onto them.

Friedrich Nietzsche: The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.

i.e. I live next door to a ‘neighbor from hell’. His aggressive behavior ultimately has no meaning. If i did have meaning, it would mean that i am a victim. (I’m definitely not a victim).

Now. don’t freak out…we all need purpose and meaning in our lives…and the fact that we cannot not make meaning is truth of this.

Do I want to make meaning from abuse? Do i want to make meaning from my aggressive neighbor? NO.

Philosophy is a way out of old ideas we may have of ourselves, and helps us to re-think things trough.

Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can’t be communicated to others.

– Gorgias

sedge808.