12 signs of Complex – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

A long period of time.

First 16 years of life.

  1. Hypervigilance (felling that nothing is safe)
  2. We can never relax.
  3. We cannot really sleep properly. (plagued with nightmares and night terrors)
  4. We hate ourselves.
  5. We are drawn to highly unavailable people.
  6. We are sickened by people who want to be cozy with us.  (I can’t sleep with another person).
  7. We are prone to lose our temper very badly.
  8. We are paranoid and worried things are going to go bad again.
  9. We like being alone.
  10. We find living so exhausting and so unpleasant, we do sometimes long that we don’t exist anymore.
  11. We are rigid about our routines. OCD.
  12. We throw ourselves into work.

The root cause of complex PTSD is an absence of love.

And the cure for it is the same path. We need to love someone we hate…

Ourselves.

say my name — Noir

How many intelligent couples, that I’ve befriended have the thing of calling each other ‘babe’. The ‘cringe’ factor is overwhelming +++ But when I look back to my last relationship, (of three years), I was never called by my name, and it really got to me in the end. I got so angry and pissed […]

say my name — Noir

James Blake – Mile High feat. Travis Scott and Metro Boomin (Official Video) — Noir

I’m a huge fan of James Blake. He has an amazing voice, and uses it in a unique way. tune up the volume to get the full effect. Don’t wanna see you by yourself, by yourself By yourself, by yourself, by yourself We on a drive, looped in Two seat ride, couped in Who gon’ […]

James Blake – Mile High feat. Travis Scott and Metro Boomin (Official Video) — Noir

Quote — Noir

Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated Truth is the handmaiden of love Dialogue is the pathway to truth Humility is recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small So speech must be untrammeled So that dialogue […]

Quote — Noir

The Joker & The Lighthouse — Noir

Both of these films were very important and very anticipated for me. Both were very confronting and disturbing. The Joker faced mental illness ‘head on’ and I’m not even sure I want to see it again….a bit like ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’…another confronting film, but also brilliant. I saw the lighthouse today….and after the […]

The Joker & The Lighthouse — Noir

Viktor E. Frankl — Survivors Blog Here

I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good. “If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.” ― Viktor Frankl “The one thing you can’t […]

Viktor E. Frankl — Survivors Blog Here

Viktor E. Frankl

I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good.

man's seach for meaning

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor Frankl

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

He says: Instead of constantly trying to avoid suffering, one is to embrace it. This takes away it’s power over us.
He says this about all our neurotic behaviour. Go towards it, and it will dissipate.
This make a lot of sense. I need to be brave, to do this.
His story and his book, are a huge inspiration for me.

sedge808

how philosophy has helped me Grow

the big one is: there is no such thing as objective reality.

i.e. I was abused as a child, even though i had done nothing wrong.  So if there is  meaning, the only meaning can or could be is: I am a bad person. (I spent my entire childhood (and beyond) believing this).

In reality,  the abuse has no meaning.

These days i spend a lot of time reading all the existential  philosophers. These are really helpful because they help me re-contextualize my existence. Yes. I call myself an existential nihilist.

…and pretty much all of the sages I follow, say similar stuff.

Eckhart Tolle: there is no good or bad. There is only ‘what is’.

A Course in Miracles: Lesson 1. Nothing I See Means Anything.

David Hawkins: The other person merely mirrors back what we are projecting onto them.

Friedrich Nietzsche: The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.

i.e. I live next door to a ‘neighbor from hell’. His aggressive behavior ultimately has no meaning. If i did have meaning, it would mean that i am a victim. (I’m definitely not a victim).

Now. don’t freak out…we all need purpose and meaning in our lives…and the fact that we cannot not make meaning is truth of this.

Do I want to make meaning from abuse? Do i want to make meaning from my aggressive neighbor? NO.

Philosophy is a way out of old ideas we may have of ourselves, and helps us to re-think things trough.

Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can’t be communicated to others.

– Gorgias

sedge808.

 

C-PTSD

A Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:
1 Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).
2 Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.
3 Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent or accidental.
4 Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).
B Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:
1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s).
2. Recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s).
3. Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring.
4. Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).
5. Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).
C Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:
1 Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
2 Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
D Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:
1 Inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs).
2 Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” “The world is completely dangerous,” “My whole nervous system is permanently ruined”).
3 Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.
4 Persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame).
5 Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.
6 Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.
7 Persistent inability to experience positive emotions (e.g., inability to experience happiness, satisfaction, or loving feelings).
E Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:
1 Irritable behavior and angry outbursts (with little or no provocation) typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.
2 Reckless or self-destructive behavior.
3 Hypervigilance.
4 Exaggerated startle response.
5 Problems with concentration.
6 Sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep).
F Duration of the disturbance (Criteria B, C, D, and E) is more than 1 month.
G The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
H The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., medication, alcohol) or another medical condition.

Alva Noto & Ryuichi Sakamoto

I’ve been a fan of Ryuichi Sakamoto since the 80’s. he worked with another artist whom i really like too. David Sylvian.
I discovered Alva Noto (German composer)more recently and fell in love with his music. ended up buying all his albums and EP’s.
his sound is very unique…he doesn’t use instruments, he uses sounds.

…but when the collaboration with Sakamoto happened there was a perfect match of electronic noise and bleeps combined with the organic piano music of Sakamoto. this combination really works well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alva_Noto
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryuichi_Sakamoto

❦ Esprit de L’escalier! ❦ — ❦ Here in the Silence ❦

“Spirit of the Stairwell.” This story was inspired by a beautiful image captured by the author of this blog: Noir, the Darker Side to Sedge808. Thanks, for all the beauty you give, G. You always say it better. With pictures! ❥ ~JM~ Gavin headed up the imperious, winding stairwell for the last time today. For […]

via ❦ Esprit de L’escalier! ❦ — ❦ Here in the Silence ❦