Hi All. I’ve not been all that well, so that’s why I’m not around much. I hope this finds you well. Gavin.Bike rack — Noir
A long period of time.
First 16 years of life.
- Hypervigilance (felling that nothing is safe)
- We can never relax.
- We cannot really sleep properly. (plagued with nightmares and night terrors)
- We hate ourselves.
- We are drawn to highly unavailable people.
- We are sickened by people who want to be cozy with us. (I can’t sleep with another person).
- We are prone to lose our temper very badly.
- We are paranoid and worried things are going to go bad again.
- We like being alone.
- We find living so exhausting and so unpleasant, we do sometimes long that we don’t exist anymore.
- We are rigid about our routines. OCD.
- We throw ourselves into work.
The root cause of complex PTSD is an absence of love.
And the cure for it is the same path. We need to love someone we hate…
What is a neurosis? Neurotic means you’re afflicted by neurosis, a word that has been in use since the 1700s to describe mental, emotional, or physical reactions that are drastic and irrational. At its root, a neurotic behavior is an automatic, unconscious effort to manage deep anxiety.lying is basically a form of neurosis — Noir
How many intelligent couples, that I’ve befriended have the thing of calling each other ‘babe’. The ‘cringe’ factor is overwhelming +++ But when I look back to my last relationship, (of three years), I was never called by my name, and it really got to me in the end. I got so angry and pissed […]say my name — Noir
via Blue Monday — … on being and becoming … How does it feel To treat me like you do? When you’ve laid your hands upon me And told me who you are? Thought I was mistaken I thought I heard your words Tell me, how do I feel? Tell me now, how do I […]Blue Monday — … on being and becoming … — Noir
I’m a huge fan of James Blake. He has an amazing voice, and uses it in a unique way. tune up the volume to get the full effect. Don’t wanna see you by yourself, by yourself By yourself, by yourself, by yourself We on a drive, looped in Two seat ride, couped in Who gon’ […]James Blake – Mile High feat. Travis Scott and Metro Boomin (Official Video) — Noir
Is, your, cat, kinda fat?
Is he squeaky like a rat?
Does he live for his food?
Is he your favourite little dude?
Are his whiskers really long?
Is he tired of this song?
Is your cat, kinda, fat?
Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated Truth is the handmaiden of love Dialogue is the pathway to truth Humility is recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small So speech must be untrammeled So that dialogue […]Quote — Noir
Somewhere in March 2020, here in Australia, things were locked down due to Covid 19. This massive change triggered my over-eating obsession. Every day (lunch time), I would buy a large ammount of food, and gorge myself. I first noticed the obsession with food around age 19. I was addicted to chocolate and would eat […]Lockdown = over-eating — Noir
Ever since they shut all the libraries and all the churches, I’ve been experiencing depression. The libraries were my sanctuary, and church was my community. The depression has gotten worse and worse since that time, somewhere in March 2020. Now I’m finding it difficult to do anything, so I find myself sitting in the park […]plague = depression — Noir
Although the amount of people getting the virus is relatively low compared to other countries, things are already in panic mode here. Supermarkets are seeing panic buying and stock-piling of food. This effects me, because there is a lot less items available, which is very frustrating.Covid-19 Australia — Noir
Both of these films were very important and very anticipated for me. Both were very confronting and disturbing. The Joker faced mental illness ‘head on’ and I’m not even sure I want to see it again….a bit like ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’…another confronting film, but also brilliant. I saw the lighthouse today….and after the […]
I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good. “If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.” ― Viktor Frankl “The one thing you can’t […]Viktor E. Frankl — Survivors Blog Here
I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good.
“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor Frankl
“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
He says: Instead of constantly trying to avoid suffering, one is to embrace it. This takes away it’s power over us.
He says this about all our neurotic behaviour. Go towards it, and it will dissipate.
This make a lot of sense. I need to be brave, to do this.
His story and his book, are a huge inspiration for me.
the big one is: there is no such thing as objective reality.
i.e. I was abused as a child, even though i had done nothing wrong. So if there is meaning, the only meaning can or could be is: I am a bad person. (I spent my entire childhood (and beyond) believing this).
In reality, the abuse has no meaning.
These days i spend a lot of time reading all the existential philosophers. These are really helpful because they help me re-contextualize my existence. Yes. I call myself an existential nihilist.
…and pretty much all of the sages I follow, say similar stuff.
Eckhart Tolle: there is no good or bad. There is only ‘what is’.
A Course in Miracles: Lesson 1. Nothing I See Means Anything.
David Hawkins: The other person merely mirrors back what we are projecting onto them.
Friedrich Nietzsche: The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.
i.e. I live next door to a ‘neighbor from hell’. His aggressive behavior ultimately has no meaning. If i did have meaning, it would mean that i am a victim. (I’m definitely not a victim).
Now. don’t freak out…we all need purpose and meaning in our lives…and the fact that we cannot not make meaning is truth of this.
Do I want to make meaning from abuse? Do i want to make meaning from my aggressive neighbor? NO.
Philosophy is a way out of old ideas we may have of ourselves, and helps us to re-think things trough.
Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can’t be communicated to others.