I find that addicts tend to be very resourceful people. During active addiction the things that we did to “get” what we needed and the lies that we told to hide it…sometimes were quite clever. So when the pandemic hit we were very fortunate that the resourceful recovering addicts used the zoom platform to hold […]
Zoom Recovery 9/16 — The daily addict
Such a funny thing. When I was early in my recovery I believe I was seeking attention from others, especially the opposite sex. (sometimes I can still fall into that trap) The drugs and booze were gone so my ego was desperately seeking to fill itself with something else. Even though I understand it now, […]
The need for attention 9/9 — The daily addict
Today there are many options in the United States for the alcoholic and addict to “go get well.” My experience is this: I personally went to 2 detoxes and one 28 day rehab. The first detox I went to was very similar to a prison. I don’t remember much other than we wore orange jump […]
Addicts & Institutions 9/4 — The daily addict
I have learned that pain is a form of guidance. Sometimes I know exactly how to resolve it and sometimes it takes me a bit of time to figure out. I think we are given the physical pain receptors for a reason just like the emotional ones. If I put my hand on a hot […]
Pain 9/2 — The daily addict
The boys I nanny for George 6 and Clay 4 are coming to the end of their summer and are ready to kill one another on a regular basis. The funny thing is that they are constantly antagonizing one another. They know what to say and do that will just make the other one go […]
The ego antagonist 8/26 — The daily addict
I personally have never had the experience of overdosing. However I heard a man speaking about it at a recovery meeting last night. I listened to his experience and I shuttered with fear of this disease yet again. His name was Bobby. He said he had 23 days clean and then he relapsed and overdosed […]
Overdosing 8/18 — The daily addict
Yesterday I was with the boys I nanny for George (6) and Clayton (4). We were at a dollar store loading up on crafts and some treats for the movies. …
I thought I was ok too 8/13
The children that I nanny for; George (6) and Clayton (4) are wise beyond their years. Maybe all children are this way..but I currently am experiencing the wisdom of these two. One day while driving Clay to speech class we were talking about the day ahead. He was asking what will we do after speech. […]
How does he know that? 8/6 — The daily addict
Events and circumstances allow me to recognize just how strong and prevalent this disease still is and can be in my mind. A friend of mine (who is also in recovery) had surgery last week. The day after the surgery I brought over a pizza and checked in to make sure he was doing ok. […]
My disease at it’s finest 8/2 — The daily addict
The physical costume that I am wearing feels like it keeps getting filled with nonsense. I was listening to a spiritual guru named Mooji this morning. He states that “all problems are personal.” This statement sheds light on my egoic self. The self that claims an identity in this costume that I physically wear. I […]
This illusionary costume 7/31 — The daily addict
Depending on what you are addicted to…be it drugs, alcohol, women, men, drama, anger, fighting, shopping, food, money, or gambling – it controls you and you do not control it. My experience in addiction has been with drugs and alcohol. The substances controlled me because every decision I ever made while I was using revolved […]
A life saving tool 7/26 — The daily addict
When I entered into the world of recovery over 12 years ago, I was very frightened and only knew 1 thing….I never wanted to be that stumbling mess on my front lawn EVER again. So after rehab I had to learn how to live sober. My brain was mush and my world had been turned […]
Outside issues 7/21 — The daily addict
Ever since my cat Pickles has passed away…I find myself opened up in a way that I have not yet experienced. I cry a lot. I cry a lot but not in a sad way. It’s in some kind of beautiful life way. I saw one of my closest friends at the store the other […]
‘Waiting for my real life to begin’ 7/20 — The daily addict
I love to have proof of something. God…prove it! I can attest to the fact that I could not with my own mere mortal self will beat the obsession that I had for alcohol and drugs. When the addict/alcoholic takes the first one..be it drink or drug…the phenomenon of craving begins which then triggers an […]
Obsession beats self will 7/15 — The daily addict
For me…one of my most dysfunctional and most painful relationships has been the one with my dad. My dad is still alive but at this point we are barely speaking. An occasional text is where this current relationship resides. As I write this I become aware that I am not sure he even sees the […]
A rough topic 7/11 — The daily addict
Today I took a much needed time out. I did not sleep last night and I am just feeling off. Changes are happening…very emotional ones and I am on the cusp of wanting to be alone but also wanting to be connected. (if that makes any sense) I went to a recovery meeting that I […]
Want? Need? 7/9 — The daily addict
On one certain page in a recovery book that I read occasionally, it says that the answer to ALL my problems is acceptance. I like this…one medicine for every ailment. The literature states: “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, […]
The answer 7/3 — The daily addict
I heard this quote at least 10 years ago and it has literally walked me through some major moments of fear in my life. I am not sure where it originated but I would love to know not only who said it….but also who knew it. The quote: “I don’t know how to do this….but […]
Faith..an example 7/1 — The daily addict
A choice or a decision that might seem trivial to the non addict can actually become a life or death situation for the addict in recovery. Especially someone NEW in recovery. I was listening to a gentleman named Kyle share at a meeting the other evening. He stated that he had 20 days clean. He […]
Life and Death decisions 6/30 — The daily addict
I am challenging the old adage “a leopard can’t change his spots.” A miracle is defined as a change in perception. Wayne Dyer stated : “When you change the way you look at things….the things you look at change.” Recovery produces these changes. I have seen the near dead come back to life. I have […]
People do change 6/25 — The daily addict
This is a concept that I was first introduced to in recovery. I was taught when someone was sharing their thoughts and feelings at a meeting to “identify” with the speaker and not “compare” myself to them. Coming into the rooms of recovery there is every walk of life imaginable. Much to my surprise there […]
To identify and not compare 6/24 — The daily addict
The other day I received a comment on a post that got me thinking. The person was wondering what addiction had to do with the topic that I had posted about. Such a good comment because it made me realize not everybody knows. Not everybody knows that EVERYTHING that I encounter in this life, every […]
What does addiction have to do with it? 6/21 — The daily addict
“Listen to your gut” they say. For me a lot of times this means ignoring what the other prominent players in my life are saying and truly listening to myself. When I first got clean I had no idea how to listen to my gut or what that even was. But over time and after […]
My gut 6/16 — The daily addict
I was listening to Dr. Gabor Mate give his explanation of addiction on a youtube video. Gabor stated that “Addiction is a response to human suffering.” I understand this perspective. I have heard it said many times in recovery that the drink and drugs are but symptoms of the disease. So it is like sneezing […]
Addiction is a response 6/13 — The daily addict
My friend Bootsie who has over 30 years in recovery often says at meetings “I took the drugs and then the drugs took me.” This is a reminder of the powerlessness that exists in the world of addiction. It is the truth that if I take one…it will take me to places that I do […]
The Powerless 6/8 — The daily addict
I have heard many times in recovery addicts referring to themselves as belonging on the island of misfit toys from the Rudolph classic. I always found this to be a light funny way to express the feelings that we as addicts did not «fit» into society. We were the unwanted. The outcasts. For many these […]
The island of misfit toys 6/7 — The daily addict
Saturday morning I was finishing up my walk with god and a facetime call was coming in from my friend Roberta. Roberta will have 3 years clean this coming September. Her recovery is new, real and very raw. I am blessed to watch her grow through this process. I answered the face time call and […]
I’m melting! 6/6 — The daily addict
As a child with dreams and an astounding imagination becoming an addict was most certainly not on my list of wants or to do’s. But the thing that my hearts deepest desire held …… led me to become an addict so I could simply and truly understand the connection with a higher power. Confused? Here […]
Did I choose Addiction? 6/1 — The daily addict
I am sure this will piss some people off…but that is not my intention. This is my experience only. I even have experience working for a primary care physician for 3 years while I was in recovery. So I did get to see the struggle for the physician as well as the drug seekers. My […]
Doctors make the best Dealers 5/31 — The daily addict
I was listening to someone sharing on a recovery meeting. They said they were working a new job and their coworker was complaining about their psychiatrist. Apparently the psychiatrist just kept giving prescriptions for Ritalin to the coworker. The coworker expressed she hated the effects of it and really wanted a new doctor. The addict […]
The unique addict brain 5/30 — The daily addict
Pickles and Snoopy are 12 year old cats and they are brothers. Pickles has been ill and diagnosed with cancer for about 3 weeks now. What I am noticing is the attention and focus that Pickles is getting and the neglect that Snoopy is receiving. I literally find myself a little annoyed with Snoopy when […]
When one sibling is sick 5/26 — The daily addict
This morning I am reflecting and revisiting the past of my active addiction. I was looking at the photos where my face is all sorts of busted up. More importantly is the blank empty stare that is behind my eyes. (Please see previous post Then and Now for the photos.) As I was looking I […]
I almost gave up 5/24 — The daily addict
When I first came into recovery and I heard it shared that we as alcoholics/addicts have a “built in forgetter” I was very confused. Fresh out of rehab and attending meetings the bruises on my face were healing but my insides were extremely uncomfortable. I thought it ridiculous that I would EVER FORGET the pain […]
A Built in Forgetter 5/20 — The daily addict
Last Saturday evening I was at a recovery meeting to see my friend Bootsie celebrate his 31 years of clean time. There was also another gentlemen named Mike and he was celebrating 11 years. They both shared a bit of their personal story. Bootsie has just started sponsoring this man. Helping him help himself. What […]
A family disease 5/19 — The daily addict
I have heard many recovering addicts report that the drug of their choice just stopped working. The high was no longer a high. The “fix” was no longer a fix for anything. I too experienced a period where I could not get drunk enough or high enough to erase or ignore or bury the pain. […]
It stopped working 5/13 — The daily addict
Monday morning I got to hear a beautiful recovering soul named Michael share his experience, strength and hope at a recovery meeting. Michael came into recovery about 7 months ago. He arrived confused, broken and lost…..but ready. What blew me away was that he already recognizes that the drugs and booze were but symptoms of […]
“I wanted to fit in” 5/11 — The daily addict
The other day a lovely person asked me a question in regards to surrendering. She asked if I actually say the words “I surrender.” I thought this was a great question and it prompted me to take a look at what it actually means to me. You hear ALL THE TIME in recovery – “Let […]
The art of Surrender 5/5 — The daily addict
Yesterday morning I was on my way to pick up Pickles the cat from the 24 hour emergency vet. I was very exhausted and I really just wanted to get him and bring him home. He had been at the hospital since 3am. Then of course my gas light comes on. I pull into the […]
I respect this guy 5/2 — The daily addict
This is something that has baffled me since I have come into recovery. It is said that once an addict “reaches their bottom” then and only then can they truly surrender and get well. However, I have noticed over the years that each persons “bottom” is different. Why are all of our “bottoms” different? I […]
The addict bottom 4/29 — The daily addict
This is my friend Bootsy’s neck – he has 30 years in recovery – he also has a playboy bunny tattooed on the other side ha ha!!! I still catch myself saying “I have tried everything humanely possible!!” And then something whispers….what about god? I find myself fortunate in having a disease that can only […]
God Power 4/25 — The daily addict
The other day I received a very kind email from a friend who wanted to apologize for potentially hurting my feelings. In the email he stated “the rings of that hurt can go outward like a splash in the water.” This hit me and got me thinking. I started to think about how when one addict […]
The Ripples of Recovery 4/21 — The daily addict
If I could pick one thread or theme that seems to run through myself and every addict or alcoholic that I have ever encountered it is the feeling of unworthiness. For myself I did not even know that I felt unworthy. I just kept accepting poor treatment of myself. Let me rephrase that – I […]
Battling the unworthy 4/18 — The daily addict
I have learned in recovery to show up. While in active addiction I skirted and avoided any type of commitment or responsibility. I was to busy chasing the substance. And then when I did show up…I was high or drunk, never truly present. What I am about to write is not easy to share but […]
Showing up 4/14 — The daily addict
I was listening to a man named Michael from Tampa, Florida share during a recovery meeting on the topic of isolation. He stated that “connection kills addiction.” I thought about it and I could not agree more. When I was in active addiction I was ALONE. I was isolated beyond belief. Not just physically but […]
Connection Kills Addiction — The daily addict
I was asked by a fellow friend blogger if I will ever consider myself recovered from the disease of addiction. They pointed out that I have been in recovery for over 10 years, yet I still refer to myself as recovering in the present tense. My opinion might change in the future….but for now, with […]
Recovered or Recovering? 4/4 — The daily addict
What a funny thing this life is. I was born and then I was taught and conditioned by the people that loved me, or were closest to me or just happened to be in my experience with many ideas that were just not true. It is the cosmic joke. Ha ha – come here, learn […]
The Cosmic Joke? 4/1 — The daily addict
Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative 