I really like this quote by Mooji: ” Don’t remind the world that it is sick and troubled, remind it that it is beautiful and free.” When I entered into a rehab over 12 years ago…gods grace allowed me to hear that I was not a bad person…but that I had a disease. I had […]
What heals? 5/6 — The daily addict
Sometimes things just click. Even though I might have heard the same thing 700 times in 700 different ways…on occasion it registers. I have been listening to a gentleman on Youtube. He talks as he is painting beautiful pictures. It is really soothing to watch and listen. Today he was speaking of acceptance and the […]
Ah ha! 4/25 — The daily addict
I have a disease and it is called addiction. I have learned so much about my particular disease…because for me it is a matter of life and death. This disease settles in my mind. It creates an obsession about getting and using what I want…even though it is harmful to me and all who surround […]
The mental part 4/12 — The daily addict
I used drugs and alcohol to mask all of the feelings that I did not or could not face. I did not feel “safe” and I looked for security in substances. Getting sober I still looked for that feeling of safety and security. I looked for it in a romantic partner, in finances, jobs, friend […]
Feeling safe 3/28 — The daily addict
I have become aware of some patterns in my life that I would like to change. Fortunately I am in recovery and I know change is possible. The first step is the awareness of the behavior that does not serve me any longer. Today the behavior for me is a lack of trust for others […]
To change is to create 3/14 — The daily addict
A few days ago I posted a poem that reminds me of the recovery meetings I attend “Gather up” – a poem . Some of the responses that I received made my heart ache a little. I felt that some people may not experience people and places that are – safe and non judge mental. By […]
Recovery meetings 3/6 — The daily addict
These words are striking a big chord today. I read something in my early recovery (so about 10 years ago) and it suggested to write an apology letter to my younger self. This was an incredible exercise. What I remember from the letter was…I was extremely sorry that I did not listen to that little […]
Self betrayal 2/20 — The daily addict
So I think this might fall into the superstitious category. We all know the common ones like a broken mirror is 7 years bad luck, a black cat crossing your path, death comes in threes or not to walk under a ladder. Sports players won’t shave their beards or cut their hair when they are […]
Silly but I’ll share it 1/26 — The daily addict
Last week I was with my charges; George (7) and Clay (5). We were at the playground where Clay had broken his arm about 8 months ago. Clay had fallen off the monkey bars last May. All his weight landed on his arm for a clean break and a cast all summer. George was asking […]
Feeling embarrassed 1/19 — The daily addict
The 5 year old boy Clayton that I care for has been having difficulty going to sleep at night. He is having fear that something is going to happen to his parents. I remember this same fear as a child. Whenever my parents would go out to eat I was terrified. Never mind the fact […]
Replace the thought 1/7 — The daily addict
I thought that being a drug addict/alcoholic was a bad thing. I thought that I was given a curse, a sickness…a shameful and embarrassing plight. I thought there was no way out and that nobody drank or used like I did. I did not realize that it was a “set up” to find my strength. […]
Not what I thought 12/31 — The daily addict
I attended a very small recovery meeting last night. There were only 4 of us which I loved. The topic was depression and the honesty was just ever present and easy. When it was my turn to share I spoke about my experience with this issue while I was in recovery. At 8 years clean […]
Suicidal ideations 12/30 — The daily addict
I am discovering that everything I encounter is gracefully given for my benefit. Nothing is placed in my life so I will suffer. It is for me to discover the good or the blessing in it. Everything has value. If I can I see it will be up to me. My perception is all I […]
The problem IS the solution 12/15 — The daily addict
There have been many instances in my life where I should have let go of something – but I did not want to. I was afraid. I was afraid to let go of relationships, homes, cars, jobs. I would state that ” I don’t like change”. But life itself is in a constant state of […]
Something that helps me let go 12/5 — The daily addict
I keep learning about the play of life. The beauty the nonsense the funny the scary the anxious the kind and the rough. The impatient the relaxed the millions of different states that this physical body can feel in any given day. I watch them all come and go. Some I might get caught up […]
I am a fish – my thoughts – the bait 11/17 — The daily addict
Today I am walking into a place that will be a little uncomfortable for me. I am choosing to go because in my heart I feel it is what I want to do. I am showing up for someone I love. As I am sitting here I felt a rush of all of the people […]
I do not walk alone 11/6 — The daily addict
When I was first attending recovery meetings and I heard the word humility I definitely mistook it for the word “humiliation.” As time went on and I started to clear up, I began to learn of the grace that is all wrapped up in the word and feeling of humility. When I am humble…there is […]
Humility in recovery 10/19 — The daily addict
“Nothing is for Nothing.” I always loved the Rocky movies. He would get the absolute “stuffing” beat out of him and then he would come back stronger and wiser. Rocky gets knocked down..loses a battle and then he retreats. He goes back to the dark sweaty gym or to the basic elements of the earth […]
Wounds to Wisdom 10/9 — The daily addict
It is no secret with people who know me that I have issues with romantic types of relationships. I am interested in them and then I am very disinterested in them. Personally I think I try them on for size and then I realize something feels off within me. Then I do not want to […]
Attachment and addiction 10/5 — The daily addict
I find that addicts tend to be very resourceful people. During active addiction the things that we did to “get” what we needed and the lies that we told to hide it…sometimes were quite clever. So when the pandemic hit we were very fortunate that the resourceful recovering addicts used the zoom platform to hold […]
Zoom Recovery 9/16 — The daily addict
Such a funny thing. When I was early in my recovery I believe I was seeking attention from others, especially the opposite sex. (sometimes I can still fall into that trap) The drugs and booze were gone so my ego was desperately seeking to fill itself with something else. Even though I understand it now, […]
The need for attention 9/9 — The daily addict
Today there are many options in the United States for the alcoholic and addict to “go get well.” My experience is this: I personally went to 2 detoxes and one 28 day rehab. The first detox I went to was very similar to a prison. I don’t remember much other than we wore orange jump […]
Addicts & Institutions 9/4 — The daily addict
I have learned that pain is a form of guidance. Sometimes I know exactly how to resolve it and sometimes it takes me a bit of time to figure out. I think we are given the physical pain receptors for a reason just like the emotional ones. If I put my hand on a hot […]
Pain 9/2 — The daily addict
The boys I nanny for George 6 and Clay 4 are coming to the end of their summer and are ready to kill one another on a regular basis. The funny thing is that they are constantly antagonizing one another. They know what to say and do that will just make the other one go […]
The ego antagonist 8/26 — The daily addict
I personally have never had the experience of overdosing. However I heard a man speaking about it at a recovery meeting last night. I listened to his experience and I shuttered with fear of this disease yet again. His name was Bobby. He said he had 23 days clean and then he relapsed and overdosed […]
Overdosing 8/18 — The daily addict
Yesterday I was with the boys I nanny for George (6) and Clayton (4). We were at a dollar store loading up on crafts and some treats for the movies. …
I thought I was ok too 8/13
The children that I nanny for; George (6) and Clayton (4) are wise beyond their years. Maybe all children are this way..but I currently am experiencing the wisdom of these two. One day while driving Clay to speech class we were talking about the day ahead. He was asking what will we do after speech. […]
How does he know that? 8/6 — The daily addict
Events and circumstances allow me to recognize just how strong and prevalent this disease still is and can be in my mind. A friend of mine (who is also in recovery) had surgery last week. The day after the surgery I brought over a pizza and checked in to make sure he was doing ok. […]
My disease at it’s finest 8/2 — The daily addict
The physical costume that I am wearing feels like it keeps getting filled with nonsense. I was listening to a spiritual guru named Mooji this morning. He states that “all problems are personal.” This statement sheds light on my egoic self. The self that claims an identity in this costume that I physically wear. I […]
This illusionary costume 7/31 — The daily addict
Depending on what you are addicted to…be it drugs, alcohol, women, men, drama, anger, fighting, shopping, food, money, or gambling – it controls you and you do not control it. My experience in addiction has been with drugs and alcohol. The substances controlled me because every decision I ever made while I was using revolved […]
A life saving tool 7/26 — The daily addict
When I entered into the world of recovery over 12 years ago, I was very frightened and only knew 1 thing….I never wanted to be that stumbling mess on my front lawn EVER again. So after rehab I had to learn how to live sober. My brain was mush and my world had been turned […]
Outside issues 7/21 — The daily addict
Ever since my cat Pickles has passed away…I find myself opened up in a way that I have not yet experienced. I cry a lot. I cry a lot but not in a sad way. It’s in some kind of beautiful life way. I saw one of my closest friends at the store the other […]
‘Waiting for my real life to begin’ 7/20 — The daily addict
I love to have proof of something. God…prove it! I can attest to the fact that I could not with my own mere mortal self will beat the obsession that I had for alcohol and drugs. When the addict/alcoholic takes the first one..be it drink or drug…the phenomenon of craving begins which then triggers an […]
Obsession beats self will 7/15 — The daily addict
For me…one of my most dysfunctional and most painful relationships has been the one with my dad. My dad is still alive but at this point we are barely speaking. An occasional text is where this current relationship resides. As I write this I become aware that I am not sure he even sees the […]
A rough topic 7/11 — The daily addict
Today I took a much needed time out. I did not sleep last night and I am just feeling off. Changes are happening…very emotional ones and I am on the cusp of wanting to be alone but also wanting to be connected. (if that makes any sense) I went to a recovery meeting that I […]
Want? Need? 7/9 — The daily addict
On one certain page in a recovery book that I read occasionally, it says that the answer to ALL my problems is acceptance. I like this…one medicine for every ailment. The literature states: “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, […]
The answer 7/3 — The daily addict
I heard this quote at least 10 years ago and it has literally walked me through some major moments of fear in my life. I am not sure where it originated but I would love to know not only who said it….but also who knew it. The quote: “I don’t know how to do this….but […]
Faith..an example 7/1 — The daily addict
A choice or a decision that might seem trivial to the non addict can actually become a life or death situation for the addict in recovery. Especially someone NEW in recovery. I was listening to a gentleman named Kyle share at a meeting the other evening. He stated that he had 20 days clean. He […]
Life and Death decisions 6/30 — The daily addict
I am challenging the old adage “a leopard can’t change his spots.” A miracle is defined as a change in perception. Wayne Dyer stated : “When you change the way you look at things….the things you look at change.” Recovery produces these changes. I have seen the near dead come back to life. I have […]
People do change 6/25 — The daily addict
This is a concept that I was first introduced to in recovery. I was taught when someone was sharing their thoughts and feelings at a meeting to “identify” with the speaker and not “compare” myself to them. Coming into the rooms of recovery there is every walk of life imaginable. Much to my surprise there […]
To identify and not compare 6/24 — The daily addict
The other day I received a comment on a post that got me thinking. The person was wondering what addiction had to do with the topic that I had posted about. Such a good comment because it made me realize not everybody knows. Not everybody knows that EVERYTHING that I encounter in this life, every […]
What does addiction have to do with it? 6/21 — The daily addict
“Listen to your gut” they say. For me a lot of times this means ignoring what the other prominent players in my life are saying and truly listening to myself. When I first got clean I had no idea how to listen to my gut or what that even was. But over time and after […]
My gut 6/16 — The daily addict
I was listening to Dr. Gabor Mate give his explanation of addiction on a youtube video. Gabor stated that “Addiction is a response to human suffering.” I understand this perspective. I have heard it said many times in recovery that the drink and drugs are but symptoms of the disease. So it is like sneezing […]
Addiction is a response 6/13 — The daily addict
My friend Bootsie who has over 30 years in recovery often says at meetings “I took the drugs and then the drugs took me.” This is a reminder of the powerlessness that exists in the world of addiction. It is the truth that if I take one…it will take me to places that I do […]
The Powerless 6/8 — The daily addict
I have heard many times in recovery addicts referring to themselves as belonging on the island of misfit toys from the Rudolph classic. I always found this to be a light funny way to express the feelings that we as addicts did not «fit» into society. We were the unwanted. The outcasts. For many these […]
The island of misfit toys 6/7 — The daily addict
Saturday morning I was finishing up my walk with god and a facetime call was coming in from my friend Roberta. Roberta will have 3 years clean this coming September. Her recovery is new, real and very raw. I am blessed to watch her grow through this process. I answered the face time call and […]
I’m melting! 6/6 — The daily addict
As a child with dreams and an astounding imagination becoming an addict was most certainly not on my list of wants or to do’s. But the thing that my hearts deepest desire held …… led me to become an addict so I could simply and truly understand the connection with a higher power. Confused? Here […]
Did I choose Addiction? 6/1 — The daily addict
I am sure this will piss some people off…but that is not my intention. This is my experience only. I even have experience working for a primary care physician for 3 years while I was in recovery. So I did get to see the struggle for the physician as well as the drug seekers. My […]
Doctors make the best Dealers 5/31 — The daily addict
I was listening to someone sharing on a recovery meeting. They said they were working a new job and their coworker was complaining about their psychiatrist. Apparently the psychiatrist just kept giving prescriptions for Ritalin to the coworker. The coworker expressed she hated the effects of it and really wanted a new doctor. The addict […]
The unique addict brain 5/30 — The daily addict
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