The Narcissistic Mother’s Shadow

Bipolar: A Way Of Life

The narcissistic family I come from is more disabling than any bipolar or borderline that I might have.

I feel that if I had a relatively healthy family I would still be working today.

Ever since I was a little girl, me and my mother never got along.

I had the least clout or rank in my family being the youngest. I was at the bottom of the totem pole.

No fun.

I didn’t particularly care for my mother’s parents who would tell me that I was only a little girl in a disparaging way. They were High School drop out alcoholics but they were better than me simply because they were older.

Age was the ticket you had to have in my family.

My age was something that I couldn’t change.

Even an adopted cousin had more rank because she was 6 months older than me.

When someone younger…

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Wear A Suit Of Armor

Bipolar: A Way Of Life

Who I’m becoming.

Emotionally I have paid the price. My emotional debt cup is full.

I would choose a relationship over myself always being the first to apologize.

I was needy. I was nice. I would overshare.

This went on for some time.

Is it possible to be too loyal?

One day I got mad. Being fed up was the catalyst for change.

I had to become independent of people and practice self-reliance.

Maya Angelou talked about belonging to yourself.

Brene Brown spoke of having the courage to stand alone.

It’s important to have your own back and not be too vulnerable.

Become solid.

Walk away from people who don’t respect you.

Become a private person rather than answering people’s every question.

Don’t always be calling people. Let them call you.

Don’t always be available. People can wait for you.

Don’t seek external validation when you can give it to…

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Don’t Let People Weaken Your Resolve

Bipolar: A Way Of Life

I’ve known too many of these types. I was gullible and believed them. The result was devastating. I couldn’t stand alone.

Lucky for me I’m in group therapy now. There are two staff present who moderate the group.

I attend this group 4 mornings/week.

With that frequency I’m learning what healthy interactions are. I get enough exposure. I’m learning from example.

Now, the toxic people I deal with all stick out like sore thumbs. Maybe the person isn’t toxic but their behaviors most certainly are.

People like to make me doubt myself. Some of these people have less life experience than I do so it’s laughable.

I have less time for them as I value my alone time and search for healthy interaction elsewhere.

I believe I will know it when I see it. I feel strong on this.

A toxic person would only make me doubt this conclusion.

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