EMDR Journey Notes – Catch up — Owning It

I am a few days into my decision to get EMDR. Just opening the subject has been fairly powerful and I want to maintain a diary of the process. I will share what I’ve posted elsewhere and from here out will be doing entries here. 9/2/2020 Guys I interviewed a therapist who does EMDR today. […]

EMDR Journey Notes – Catch up — Owning It

It’s Been 28 years……… —

It’s been 28 years since you killed yourself. Too many Birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgivings. Wishing I could say I missed you but that would not be true. I do have some great snippets, little memories from my early childhood. Other memories, more unstable memories from my teens when I lived with you. Driving down the […]

It’s Been 28 years……… —

Wars, Lies, and Knives —Guest Blogger Victory after Abuse

They say that abuse is a cycle, and I do not disagree. I want to say this loud enough so that the people in the back can hear me. ‘Domestic Violence ‘ is a war that is being handed from generation to generation. Fathers are teaching sons to dominate, control, and terrorize. That there will […]

Wars, Lies, and Knives — Victory after Abuse

Male Survivor Discussion Forum & Chat Room Update

More than a half a million messagescheck. Greater than 70,000 theme-specific threadscheckNow surpassing 15,000 registered members  that is incredible! As we pass this milestone, we want to sincerely thank both registrants and guests. Now — in this time of the pandemic — the forum and chat room provide an even greater need for hope, healing and support. Today, more than ever, the MaleSurvivor organization serves as a unique “24/7” lifeline to survivors. Note that there are even many more participants who are guests, and never register. So — as a reminder — registration is anonymous and confidential. We NEVER share our database with ANYONE EVER. Registration is FREE and only requires a valid email address, which remains confidential. This enables you to reply to the verification email that our forum software sends out, after you register. 
Visit our new MaleSurvivor YouTube Channel
Watch recordings of our free Webinar of Recovery series, a continually growing resource…
— MaleSurvivor 25th Anniversary: an interview with Ken Followell, who started out as a participant in the forum, was then inspired to become a volunteer and eventually served as President of the Board of Directors of MaleSurvivor.org.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP7Kc6_X3K0&t=24s

— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Empowering Survivors of Sexual Abuse to Hold Abusers Accountable, a discussion concerning legal and personal strategies for confronting one’s abuser.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eiw66B9ISg0
— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Howard Fradkin, Ph.D In this webinar, Fradkin — a highly respected therapist, expert about abuse, and co-founder of MaleSurvivior — engages in a panel discussion focused on protecting children, adults and families from physical, emotional and sexual abuse.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4iZILiGVig

As Virus Restrictions Eased, Sexual Assault Survivors Accessed Help in Record Numbers

JUL 06, 2020

Washington, D.C. – As states have eased restrictions over the last 60 days, a record number of people have sought services from RAINN. A total of 60,437 people received help from RAINN’s victim service programs in May and June, up 18 percent from the same period last year, and the highest number in RAINN’s 26-year history. RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

“As states began lifting stay-at-home orders and some survivors finally had the privacy to seek out support, RAINN experienced a dramatic spike in people accessing help from the National Sexual Assault Hotline and our other victim service programs,” said Scott Berkowitz, president of RAINN. “In May and June, half of visitors to our online hotline, which sees some of the most urgent cases, were minors.”

“We expect the need for support will remain strong as the pandemic continues to disrupt daily life. Since the crisis hit, we’ve hired 33 new support specialists for the National Sexual Assault Hotline and trained 55 new hotline volunteers to supplement our staff. They’ve done an extraordinary job in scaling up to help more survivors and their loved ones during these stressful and uncertain times,” said Berkowitz.

As states begin to re-implement some restrictions due to increasing numbers of virus cases and as schools plan for a fall semester that may include virtual learning, RAINN is urging officials to include mechanisms to protect children and ensure that they can seek help if they are experiencing sexual abuse.

“As we saw throughout the early weeks of the pandemic, many children lost access to trusted adults, like teachers and parents of friends, who are typically the first people to spot and report signs of abuse,” Berkowitz said. “As we expected, when the stay-at-home orders began to lift, we saw a surge in people seeking help. Now that we’re starting to move back toward more restrictions, we must ensure that kids know how to get the help they need and deserve. We urge states and school districts to develop ways now for children to contact teachers and hotlines safely and securely through online learning platforms and other means.”

Hollywood’s Male #MeToo Stigma and the Fear of Coming Forward: “It’s Looked Upon as a Weakness” — Looking For The Light

The Hollywood Reporter by Rebecca Keegan June 26, 2020, 6:15am PDT More than two years into the movement, male victims grapple with consequences after speaking out, from mockery to job offers drying up: “I’ve never been so vulnerable in my life.” Last fall, Johnathon Schaech was running out of options. After making a living as an actor for […]

Hollywood’s Male #MeToo Stigma and the Fear of Coming Forward: “It’s Looked Upon as a Weakness” — Looking For The Light

Webinar on Trans People and Male Sexual Abuse

June 29, 2020 at 7pm ET The event will address the transgender community, and its experience with male sexual abuse. The free, one-hour event will have three keynote panelists — Lexie Bean, Charlie Hidalgo and Devin-Norelle. Bean will read excerpts from his recently published book – The Ship We Built. Panelists also will respond to questions from webinar attendees.  About Bean’s new book, one reviewer wrote: “While the book tackles big issues, primarily addressing being trans and queer and surviving incest as well as touching on parental incarceration, anyone who has ever been a sad or confused child will be able to see a little bit of themselves in (the book’s main characters) Rowan and Sofi.”  To register for the event, go to: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/3315925773375/WN_8bR0oKB4TZyonR5xRge8bg

Men Too Author — Noted Expert on Male Survivors —To Take Center Stage at June 24th Webinar 

Male Survivors

Dr. Kelli Palfy — a noted psychologist who has conducted extensive research on male survivors of sexual abuse — will be the featured panelist at the next MaleSurvivor.org Webinar of Recovery. It’s slated for Wednesday, June 24, 2020 from 7pm to 8pm.The event is free to MaleSurvivor members and guests, and it promises to be compelling, informative and healing. Register now (with a valid email address) at: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/7715924026213/WN_zqE8Z5xnRqKqXO5lye9PHw  Palfy’s new book — just published — is gaining positive reviews nationwide. Its full title is: Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse. Two MaleSurvivor board members — Lee Friedman and Nathan LaChine — will help lead the discussion. Questions from those in attendance will be welcomed and addressed.The book focuses on the personal — and heart-wrenching — stories of 13 male survivors of sexual abuse.

Male Survivor Matching Donations

 Dear Friends, 
As you know MaleSurvivor is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. Our all volunteer staff support the daily operation of our Discussion Board and Chatrooms which enables men from around the world to connect and find support. Our online community continues to grow with over 14k+ users from over 90+ countries. We are a diverse, supportive, inclusive, and safe place for survivors to reach out, connect, and be supported by fellow survivors.

We have completed the first phase of our website redesign which made us mobile friendly so our resources are available when you need them no matter on a computer, tablet, or smart phone. To enable us to continue to offer these services and complete phase two we need your support, please consider donating to us today on Giving Tuesday!

With Facebook’s matching every dollar you donate gets DOUBLED! Please help us support all male survivors of sexual abuse and give the gift of healing this holiday season.

Donate now!    https://www.facebook.com/donate/2501167470001433/ 

Thank you for your support,
MaleSurvivor Board of Directors and Volunteers 

You can also mail your donation to:
MaleSurvivorPO Box 276
Long Valley, NJ 07853

Male Survivor October Newsletter

Dear Friends,  With the launch of our new website, MaleSurvivor received several qualified and enthusiastic inquiries about serving on the Board of Directors. We are thrilled to introduce you to four new members:

  • Tim Kearns
  • Dennis Tyson
  • Brian Satterfield
  • John Shulanksy

Facebook fundraising has made it easier than ever to support MaleSurvivor
Facebook users have already raised more than $1,100 for MaleSurvivor. It is simple for you, too, to become the next!Remember, our upgraded website offers exciting new features:· 

  • An events calendar spotlighting a variety of upcoming programs
  • An updated therapist directory searchable by location · Much more! Visit malesurvivor.org to see for yourself

Other exciting MaleSurvivor news·

  • If you’re interested in becoming a board member or know someone who might be a good candidate, email murrayschane@malesurvivor.org
  • We’re continuing to make big plans:
    • Reformat our Dare to Dream program
    • Create a series of webinars for professionals and survivors
    • Reinstitute a major international conference for survivors and professionals
      • Bringing people together to share stories and strategies for healing is powerfully validating and healing
      • We’re aiming for New York City in late 2020 or early 2021

As always, even though a lot is going on at MaleSurvivor, we always have time for you – you’re the reason we do what we do. If you have questions or ideas, please reach out! Contact us here: ryan.newberry@malesurvivor.org. Otherwise, we’ll talk to you again next month!
Murray SchanePresident, Board of Directors

You can also mail your donation to:
MaleSurvivorPO Box 276
Long Valley, NJ 07853

The Vote Is In On Net Neutrality!!!! QUIT BULLYING Users *WE GET YOUR POINT*

Users will not take WordPress Bullying any longer. Stops the game tactics and get down to reality. The reality of business ahead and support committed to WordPress Users.

Please pass along to everyone you know so WordPress will quit interfering with our blogs.

Thank you  Melinda



There is something that has become very clear to me, and I’m actually extremely grateful for the acceptance and awareness of this very big issue I face on a daily basis.

It’s taken a very long time to understand the reality of a positive victim-identity/diagnosis.

When I had my breakdown in 1999 I became aware of my attraction to people who were extremely narcissistic.

After that I read all the John Bradshaw books, and was successfully able to identify the ‘family role’ of scapegoat that had been assigned to me at an early age.

Then after repeated experiences of victimisation….I came to a clearer understanding of myself.

I think what has also been helpful is having a friend whom also has victimhood as part of his existence.

This friend had been abused by his mother, and that had brought on the victimhood…

He would tell me of so many instances of being treated badly in the present. Even where he was living, he had his life threatened. Scary, but was an everyday event for him.

Finding another person who experienced the similar experiences I had was profound, because I thought I was the only one.

‘Only one’ in the sense of being the only male.

The last and most recent therapy I’d been having also affirmed my victimhood. This was also excellent to have a therapist who also ‘got’ me.

So where am I today? 

Acceptance, Acceptance, Acceptance…

It not about to change, so I need to learn to live with it, and somehow outgrow it.


Dreams of a better days

We arrived home late afternoon yesterday and the drive wasn’t quite as bad Hooray for that!Well driving we reflected on our weekend e cried listened to music ,it was hard all in all watching my sister in laws husband battle cancer its slowly popping up in all places and breathing is compressed by his tumor in the lungs that one can hear him breath miles away with much difficulty ..well we were there my in laws phoned they booked there tickets they arrive 20 July with there sister who we haven’t seen in more than 10 years ..excited to see the three monkey to they all under ten and one aged 3 .

So we booked our tickets well at his sister to fly well his parents are here to new Plymouth this is massive for me,but we all excited .This week is huge my mom went in for a third op related to her broken femur and hip replacement last night in south Africa  its hard to try encourage when she battles to .And today my sister will find out whether she has cancer in the lymph nobs as well ,one weeks ago they removed a tumor in the breast and then sent away for extensive testing today she finds out the results .Hubby i must say is very understanding of the emotions right now.

I took my usual meds the whole weekend to satisfy hubby but last night left them and this morning well hubby was searching for his medicine he came across my stock pile and woke me at 5 am with holly crap theirs about three months here for you how fucking long have you not taken Groan its only 4 weeks not thee months relax …i cant do this im only trying to please others and that hard enough ..I NEED TO KEEP REMINDING ME ITS ABOUT ME AND ME ONLY.

This mornings side effects of starting and stopping meds  is one hell of a headache its throbbing,but too a feeling of been isolated from the world i look out side and dream to walk patches by our sea side but the gripping fear some how arises and home i wish to stay rather were its safe ,quite ,and no one can touch me.

I’m Getting Her PTSD. Pt. 1 [Poem]

How do you relate to the people in your life with PTSD?

This post is part of a series of poems dedicated to my girlfriend. She has PTSD and severe anxiety and you will understand her story with each post. Each time I learn something about the mental conditions she lives with, I add a “part” to the series.


History becomes Her story-

She’s a beautiful soul, trapped deep in her keep,

In a place she won’t let most inside.

So I’ve entered slowly and cautiously here,

Not breaking the trust she confides.

Her levels and layers, her pain and her hurt

Run as deep as the red in her blood.

And I sit and I listen, to all that she says,

Which comes from her core that is good.

She tells me of rape, of the breaking of bones,

And a tear glistens down over my cheek.

For I’ve known the warrior, the battle hardened victor,

Not imagining her soft soul so meak.

Sometimes she gets up, in the middle of the night

She says that it’s just too hard.

She’ll leave then apologize because she’s flashed back

I’m not angry, I’m honored ’cause she let down a wall.

We tell each other, “You get me.” “You understand who I am”,

And we hold each other tight.

And I’ll hold her and treasure her, ’til peace arrives,

And helps her sleep through the night.

She’s grown on me, and taught me her life,

My mouth hangs open in awe.

For I’m getting her condition, her PTSD

I’m beginning to understand it all.

Do you have suggestions for supporting people with PTSD? Will you share them with us?

You DO Have Strength

Survival seems a lifetime as it is occurs. It exhausts our adrenals as we live in fight or flight modus.

At times we cannot pinpoint just when it started, when we suddenly realize we are as far removed from our inner self as possible.

We see no light, no end. Minutes streamed together seem to make up the days in our life. Painful days when we wake each day to once again, be the star of the wrong movie.

This is a Survivors blog, for those that have crossed the finish line and for those still on their way.

We learn that life can and DOES change. That no matter how low, there will be a high, no matter how dark, there will again be light.

We may throw the ”unfair “card in from time to time. That waste of time card. Life is what it is. It is a perspective for those who go through it. What is devastating to one, is nothing to another. What cripples one, teaches the other to get up and forge through. It is in a nutshell, a choice. A choice to survive based on the inner strength we all have, that sometimes, we have been fooled to believe doesn’t exist.

Believe in yourself. The more strength you put into a positive day, the more distance you have from pain.

The more distance, the less it can feed you, leading it eventually  to die from your life.