meaning…

1. We do not ask life what the meaning of life is. Life asks us, what is the meaning of your life. And life demands our answer.

2. Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which you can aspire.

3. Self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.

4. Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue as a side-effect of a reason to be happy.

5. The meaning of life is unique to each moment; no situation repeats itself.

6. The meaning of life is unique to each individual; no one can be replaced.

7. Humans are self-determining; meaning is your responsibility to actualize.

8. No matter the circumstance, you always have the last of the human freedoms: to choose your attitude.

9. Tension, striving, and struggling for a worthwhile goal are positive; trying to close the gap between what one is and what one should become.

10. Life never ceases to have meaning; even suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.

Male Survivor Co-founder Awarded Lifetime Achievement Award

Richard Gartner, PhD, co-founder of MaleSurvivor was just awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award from the
American Psychological Association’s Division of Trauma Psychology.



After co-founding MaleSurvivor in 1994, Dr Gartner remained active in the organization, serving on its Board of Directors for seven years and as its President for two years. He also helped organize several MaleSurvivor national conferences and is currently Chair of its Advisory Board. In his honor, MaleSurvivor has established the Richard Gartner Award for Clinical Contribution.Besides his clinical practice, Dr Gartner is a Training and Supervising Analyst on the Faculty at the White Institute and the Founding Director of its Sexual Abuse Service.  He organized their 1995 conference, Memories of Sexual Betrayal: Truth, Fantasy, Repression, and Dissociation, and edited the papers from that conference into a book. In honor of his contributions to the psychoanalytic understanding of trauma, Richard was given the White Institute’s Director’s Award in 2004.From a series of papers on male sexual victimization in the 1990s, Richard wrote Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men. The book was runner up for the Gradiva Award of the National Association for the Advancement of Psychoanalysis (NAAP) for best book on a clinical subject.  It is now considered a classic text for professionals treating sexually abused men and boys. In 2005 Richard wrote a book for the general public  Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life after Boyhood Sexual Abuse. The book is particularly intended for men with histories of sexual victimization and their loved ones.  Many men have found this book to be a valuable first step in their healing process.Reading it has often been the first time such men found a way of understanding the unique reactions men have to sexual abuse or assault, whether as children or adults.For information about Dr Gartner’s books, go to: BOOKS
For information about Dr Gartner’s professional articles, visit: ARTICLES
To review his career profile, go to: PROFILE
As always, MaleSurvivor is very grateful for your donation. 
Please DONATE hereCheck out our dedicated YouTubechannel with our Webinars of Recovery and our “Hope. Healing. Support” content for survivors and professionals
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August Chonic Illness Writing Prompts —

This month’s August Chronic Illness Writing Prompts by A Chronic Voice are Wandering, Catching, Compartmentalizing, Regenerating, and Visiting.  I chose three this month, Regenerating, Wandering, and Compartmentaling to write about. You will see Regenerating is where I feel the most passion.  I’m feeling so regenerated in life and my future. I have made a plan […]

August Chonic Illness Writing Prompts —

Please Give A Big Welcome To Brad Gillespie Who Joins Survivors Blog Here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m so happy to share that Brad Gillespie has joined Survivors Blog Here. He embodies everything we stand for, adversity, strength, and moving forward with his life.  Brad has been diagnosed with Adrenomyeloneuropathy (AMN).

The cliff note version of the illness is: Adrenomyeloneuropathy (AMN) is a form of X-linked adrenoleukodystrophy. AMN patients generally have spinal cord dysfunction, which leads to the initial symptoms that include difficulties in walking or a change in the walking pattern. The average age at which symptoms first appear is 28, but onset can occur anywhere from the second to the fifth decades of life.

Instead of retreating, Brad found himself a single father of three children and had to forge ahead. Now he is sharing his story with others who find themselves in similar situations or who can relate to his circumstances and the trauma he’s experienced. 

I have no doubt you will enjoy posts, he is informative with a touch of wit. 

Please join me in welcoming Brad to the group, be sure to drop him a line a welcome him aboard. 

This is from Brad’s Contributor page, I thought his information would add value to this post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am just a guy with adrenomyeloneuropathy (AMN). While it can get nasty in some cases, I am one of the luckier ones.

I cannot walk, but my spirit and imagination are still working, as best as I can tell.

I look forward to getting to know folks in this community, tells some tales (mostly truthful), and with any luck, pick up some wisdom.

Have the loveliest day, folks.

Brad

http://www.bradleykgillespie.com

Please welcome Brad to Survivors Blog Here! Be sure to check out his website and future post.

Melinda

www.lookingforthelight.blog

 

The #1 block to teamwork is defensiveness. Here’s how to defuse it —

IDEAS.TED.COM Apr 14, 2020 / Kara Cutruzzula Glenn Harvey This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here. To be human is to get defensive. When we’ve been questioned or criticized at work, it’s fair […]

The #1 block to teamwork is defensiveness. Here’s how to defuse it —

Born in 2014 Survivors Blog Here is going strong for you.

I chose this photo because when I think of the type of environment we wanted to create at Survivors Blog Here, it’s an embrace. Embracing who you are, where you are, embracing you as you take steps forward and the occasional step back.

Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Survivors Blog Here was created by three friendly bloggers, Army of Angles, Hyperion and myself, Looking for the Light. We had our own baggage and had been there for each other thru some difficult times. We wanted to take our collective knowledge to help others. Survivors Blog Here was the first name that came to mind and we were born in that early morning hour.

This is part of our Mission Statement if you will.

We support men and women Survivors from every walk of life. Struggles with Trauma, Violence, Mental Illness, Child Abuse, Chronic Illness, and more. We’re here for you.

Providing support as you work towards healing, taking steps forward, moving beyond the pain and struggle. We’re a collaborative of like-minded writers and photographers with a mission: to offer a creative, honest and safe place to gather. We offer support from a team of Survivors with diverse backgrounds, we believe everyone has a story to tell.

Our writers offer an interesting perspective, humor and wealth of knowledge through personal experiences. Each writer has their own blog, be sure to stop by their individual sites. Your questions and comments are important to us, you’ll get honest feedback even when it’s not want you want to hear. Everyone is important.

Photo by Marlon Martinez on Pexels.com

One of the keys to success at Survivors Blog Here was having other great contributors join the group and add their story, we all have one, sometimes ugly but all worth telling. We have a great team of contributors who have come and gone over the years but their legacy last in our archives. There is a wealth of knowledge of every imageable subject in our archives, be sure to search thru them for a gem you might be needing.

The Pandemic has been hard of many of the contributors who were having their own struggles before the most difficult times hit. Many contributors you haven’t seen in a long time, I miss them too. I’m confident our trusted contributors will return once life is less stressful and they are feeling more creative.

I want to thank the Contributors who have soldered on thru these difficult times to continue with informative, helpful post and to be there for everyone who needs their support. I truly appreciate your commitment.

Survivors Blog Here like all blogs has evolved like each of us do and I would love to hear from you on what you would like to see from us as we move forward. That’s been a key saying for us, Keep Moving Forward, let’s move forward together. I need you input.

What topics, deep conversations do you want us to have?

Most importantly what do you want from me? I’m the only active founder and don’t feel like I’ve been in touch with what you need from Survivors Blog Here recently.

I want all your comments, the good, bad, and the ugly. I want to know what you feel is missing in the blogging community and how do you think we can fill that need. I continue with our original mission but we are evolving and will add to our mission as we grow.

Melinda

Male Survivor is partnering with the documentary, What Will I Become?

MaleSurvivor textMaleSurvivor is partnering with a documentary in pre-production – WHAT WILL I BECOME? – the film centers on transgender people navigating masculinities and conversations on mental health. If you are a trans person of any sexual orientation participating in Male Survivor’s forum, we invite you to join. This forum was created in partnership with Lexie Bean (they/he) and Logan Rozos (he/him), the film’s two trans directors. Over the course of the year, Lexie and Logan will pose weekly questions and prompts to allow transmasculine+ survivors to offer their expertise in their own experiences, to add nuance to narratives around both trans masculinities and survivorship, and to explore how the internet functions as a creator of community.If you have any questions about the project, you may contact us directly at wwibdoc@gmail.com.If these themes resonate with you and you would like to discuss the film and potentially have your thoughts added to the documentary please visit the MaleSurvivor Discussion Forum WHAT WILL I BECOME?” is an independent film project sponsored by Fractured Atlas (www.fracturedatlas.org). You may also learn more about the project in this recently published Autostraddle article (https://www.autostraddle.com/what-will-i-become/) or @whatwillibecome_doc on InstagramWe are always grateful for your donations. They support all we do.MaleSurvivor Donation
MaleSurvivor.org | 350 Central Park West, New York, NY 10025Unsubscribe survivors14@Verizon.netUpdate Profile | Customer Contact Data NoticeSent by secretary@malesurvivor.org powered by

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

Dear BC2M Community, Although school looks a bit different this year, we’d like to give a warm welcome back to our BC2M students and their communities. And to the parents and family members who are working through remote learning with your children, we honor you.We have committed ourselves across the country to be a pillar of stability, […]

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

Fibromyalgia Thoughts #4 Living Without A Flair —

Vacuumed kitchen and dining room. Mopped kitchen. Applied cuticle cream twice. Vacuumed part of the living room, still need to clean the floor. Potted two house plants. Enjoyed a candle for a few minutes. Emptied dishwasher. Woke up 4:00 A.M. with the puppy. Haven’t taken a nap. I cleaned up but no shower, those […]

Fibromyalgia Thoughts #4 Living Without A Flair —

Survivors Blog Here Celebrates Six Anniversary With Open House! Stop By For Refreshments

Survivors Blog Here is celebrating our six anniversary with a big celebration! Come by, say hello, browse and read a few posts while enjoying the refreshments.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

We could not have made this journey without the thousands of guests on our site. I want to thank each of you and let you know you’ve made an impact on the community. I look forward to more guests and want you to know our Contributors and followers appreciate you. 

Survivors Blog Here continues to evolve, shaped by life experiences and your feedback. Thank you for taking the journey with us, we learn from you every day. If you’re unfamiliar with our site, we’re a collaboration of writers with different backgrounds and challenges. Supporting men and women as they work thru a trauma, taking steps forward, to move beyond the pain. https://survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com  You can learn more by reading our “About Us” page.

I’m honored and humbled to work with Contributors past and present who share their experiences, pain, and triumphs with a deep desire to pay it forward. I believe they shine a light on the human spirit. 

Robert M. Goldstein    http://robertmgoldstein.com

Casey Alexander   http://hypervigilant.org

Surviving the Specter    http://survivingthespecter.wordpress.com

Hyperion     http://returnofdragons.wordpress.com

sedge808    http://sedge808.com

Army of Angels https://armyofangelspart2.com

Positively Alyssia     http://fightmsdaily.wordpress.com

Life with an illness     http://lifewithanillness.com

Chronic Pain with a Higher Perspective       http://validatingchronicpain.com

Adi’s Wings     http://adiswings.com

A Patients Voice                http://apatientsvoice.wordpress.com

Alexandra Hampton      http://journeyintoa.wordpress.com

Looking for the Light Blog  https://lookingforthelight.blog

Marcus     http://survivorroad.wordpress.com

Owning It Log   http:owningitlog.wordpress.com

Don’t Lose Hope  http://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com

We invite you to join us on the journey ahead. 

Your voice is important, your comments are read and we listen without judgment. Please let us know what you like and what you don’t, the good bad, and ugly. Are there other topics you would like to see addressed? We’re listening.

Melinda

The Rules We Live By — Guest Post Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

What Rules Do You Have? Wearing certain styles of clothes or avoiding certain colours so you don’t stand out perhaps. Maybe its arriving at an event early so you are not the last one to enter the room or so you can plan your escape if you need to leave. I didn’t realise I had […]

The Rules We Live By — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

LGBTQ college students more likely to develop eating disorders, University research says

1/28/2020, 10:48PM

University of Minnesota research looked into disparities between heterosexual, cisgender and LGBTQ college students.

By HANA IKRAMUDDIN

A new University of Minnesota study found that LGBTQ college students are more likely to develop eating disorders than their heterosexual and cisgender peers.

The study, which used data from the College Student Health Survey, aimed at finding the existing disparities between the rates of eating disorders in LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ students. The researchers also measured the disorder’s impact on academic achievement and success.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, said Emily Pisetsky, the lead researcher and an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. This makes eating disorders an important topic to delve into, especially as it relates to minority groups, she said. 

“We know that early intervention is associated with better outcomes,” Pisetsky said. “Being able to identify folks who are high risk will allow us to have more targeted intervention and prevention efforts.”

According to the study, cisgender women, transgender and gender-nonconforming students reported higher rates of eating disorder diagnoses than cisgender men.  

In comparison to their heterosexual peers, lesbian, gay and bisexual students also had a higher likelihood of having these disorders. Within these identities, bisexual students and students who were “unsure” of their sexual identity had the highest rates.

“[Bisexuality] is not a group that you hear as much about, and we think that may be part of the stigma,” Pisetsky said. “It’s something that can often be sort of minimized and not feel … quite like they fit in with the queer community or quite like they fit in with the straight community.”  

In addition, bisexual students were more at risk of having eating disorders impact their academic performance and achievement.

“The cognitive burden of navigating your identity development [takes] up a lot of mental space, which may take up more space than the off-the-wall college student, where you have a lot going on already,” said Melissa Simone, a postdoctoral research fellow in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.

The fact that a sexual identity can put some at a higher risk of eating disorders and can impact academic success is something that needs to be looked into further, said Autumn Askew, who works at the Minnesota Center for Eating Disorder Research and contributed to the study.

“We are actively educating all of our clinicians here to recognize that eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, colors, everything,” said Jennifer Krzmarzick, who is on the eating disorder team at Boynton Health.  

For those worried about a friend’s mental health or eating patterns, Krzmarzick recommended a visit to Boynton or The National Eating Disorder Association website.


Things That Broke Me – Part 4

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 19, 2018.

First and foremost, I cannot stress enough that my ex had nothing to do with breaking me.

The breakup, however, did.

Let’s start with the beginning and get to where I broke….

I wasn’t happy for a while in my relationship, but thought for so long that it could work itself out or there would be some moment where it just fizzled easily apart. Obviously, neither of those options happened, but what did was a wake up call that I had never anticipated.

I was sitting at my work station on a Friday, just doing what I did everyday. Then, bam! Old Alex appeared in my mind. And she was mad. She’s the girl I had left behind almost 4 years prior, strong and independent, badass. She began listing all the things I had sacrificed and would sacrifice in the future. All of it was true.

Now, she wasn’t entirely mean, but she definitely woke me up. I’ll yell ya, she was definitely scolding me. I could see clearer then than I had for a very, very long time… and I was horrified. I couldn’t believe what I had done and who I had let go of. I had lost who I really was… and for what? Nothing. Nothing in the world was worth giving up that person.

On top of that, I had given up many facets of my life that gave me joy and was going to continue to accept less than what I deserved. So I had not only lost myself, but I had stopped doing things I loved doing and would continue to accept less in my future than what I had previously always wanted. It would be sacrifice after sacrifice made by me and only me (hint: he wasn’t doing any of the sacrifices).

So. Obviously we know what happens next.

I got terrified and absolutely panicked after I broke up with him the first time. Yes, it took two times. After the first time, I told him specific things that needed to change. He tried for a few days, but still it was just one or two things on the list (a list of things very, very easy to do, I wouldn’t ask someone to move mountains if I knew it were impossible). A few more weeks go by and I can’t take it anymore. Old Alex was still in my head keeping me on track. I tell him I had to go and stay with my friend, if you read part one of this series you’d know, he said he loved me out loud for the second time, and I left.

Less than a week goes by and I met with him in our apartment and I ended it. He just sat there and shrugged.

It was 100% the right thing to do and I don’t regret it for a second.

Here’s where I broke…

I had thought I was going to marry this person and have kids with this person and be with him forever and always.

Read the last 283 words here.

Instagram

Hey there everyone!

Another change has happened within the last few weeks… I post a positive message (image) to my Instagram account every day! It’s typically a message that I will take with me through my day and I hope that seeing it helps others during their day. Check it out here!

img_9773

Meditate It Away

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 13, 2018.

I was having a really rough day just over a month ago and I asked my best friend for some help. She had a bunch of positive affirmations and I needed some. She also told me about a meditation app. That meditation app has been my daily helper ever since I downloaded it!

The app is called Simple Habit. There are 5/10/15 minute meditations available with a ton of topics! I do it everyday before I leave the house. It clears out all my anxiety and any depression I may be feeling. It’s got options for if you’re having a rough day or starting something new or just going to start your day, etc.

Within the first few days, I noticed a change within my self and mind. From the teachings I’d meditated along with, I could just let my thoughts be instead of letting them get inside me and fester. I felt stronger just breathing and being at peace. I had much more appreciation for myself and my life.

Read the last 143 words here.

Maybe I will get through this alright

Originally posted on Journey Into A on Feb. 21, 2018.

Maybe something’s wrong here

Maybe something’s right

But I don’t have you

By my side

My heart is beating faster

My hands are cold as ice

I don’t know if my head will stop pounding

What happened last night

I feel the clouds approaching

Thunder will start roaring

Maybe I will get through it alright

I hear the train’s whistle blowing

Stray cats are moaning

Maybe I will get through this alright

Well you came knocking on my door

The look on your face

tells me so much more

Where did we go wrong here

Where did we go right

Maybe I will get through this alright

things that broke me – part 1

After some recent painful nights, I thought up the idea to create a series where I can release some of the things that continue to haunt me. I am trying to change myself, trying to be more positive, and change my way of thinking for the better. This is my way of cleansing myself and making way for beautiful change.

Let’s begin with one of the toughest ones.

I was in a relationship with someone for close to 4 years and he told me “I love you” out loud twice. There were times where I’d ask him to say it and he’d mumble it, but I rarely asked because it made me feel so pathetic even having to ask. The first time he said it on his own was when I tried to break up with him the first time (a month before actually ending it) and then the second time was right before I walked out the door for good.

His reasoning for not being able to say it was that his ex had “fucked with his mind for over a year”. At first, I understood that, but after we moved in together (after a year) and then more years stacked on to us being together, it felt more and more ridiculous and got more and more painful for me. I hate telling people about this whole thing because I still feel like an idiot. Who would put up with that?

I said it almost every day. Sometimes, I’d try to see how long I could go without saying it and I’d only last about 2 days. Why did I try not to say it? Because saying “I love you” to someone and NEVER getting an “I love you” back is so. fucking. painful. After a while, I felt embarrassed at myself each time I would say it.

Oh and we’re not talking about an agreed upon thing here. It’s not something that was ever okay with me and it was brought up many times. Some people have an understanding or whatever and that’s fine, but it’s not fine when it’s not agreed upon by both people.

Read the last 105 words here.

Hot Topics!

177073-Beautiful-SundayI hope y’all have had a wonderful weekend! It is always so amazing how fast it goes by and then we have another 5 very long days we have to be at work! I guess it is kind of a blessing in disguise because at least we have another chance to make our week great!

I am sure everyone already knows this, but there are some topics you should never talk with family or friends about! Most of us have our own very passionate beliefs regarding politics and religion that probably do not match up with everyone. It is okay that we all have our own thoughts about these topics, but arguing about them will never solve the issues and you will never be able to change someone else’s mind! Never in my life have I ever been a political person, but I do have my strong opinions on the topic that are not influenced by anyone but myself! 

Another hot topic that should be avoided with family and friends is same-sex marriage! I am one who believes very strongly that we are entitled to love whom ever we choose Love no boundariesand therefore should be able to marry whom ever we love! Same sex marriage does not harm anyone, but talking ill of this in a “free country” will ultimately harm others. Why does it seem that so many are only okay if you marry someone of the same color, religious following, same ethnicity, but it must be the opposite sex? Who has a right to say who you should or should not love?

As y’all can probably tell, there are some things I am extremely passionate about and feel very comfortable sharing my thoughts! I think we should all feel comfortable with who we are and never feel any shame about it! I believe very indomitably that we should feel free with our beliefs! I will not get into how I feel about politics though only because that is probably a more intense conversation!

I want to thank y’all for visiting my site today and reading my semi rant! I get so frustrated with the negative thoughts surrounding these topics and will never When-you-look-at-your-enemy-in-the-face-and-all-you-feel-is-love-then-you-have-achieved-acceptance.-Joan-Ambuunderstand the hostility with certain things! Sometimes facts are facts and can not be changed, no matter what you do or say. I really feel that if there was more love and acceptance around us, instead of hatred and judgement, the world would be so much happier! I did not mean to go all pageant queen with that statement wanting world peace, but it would be really nice if we could all just get along!

I hope you have  a wonderful evening! Remember to always stay positive because it will pay off! Please feel free to leave a comment and I will respond as quickly as I can! I would really love to hear your thoughts! Sending you love and comfort always!

Love 2

Always, Alyssa