…the open woman welcoming all of life’s marvels to twinkle from her eyes. They are light hearted souls gracing the world.EMDR Journey Notes – Expectations — Owning It
I am a few days into my decision to get EMDR. Just opening the subject has been fairly powerful and I want to maintain a diary of the process. I will share what I’ve posted elsewhere and from here out will be doing entries here. 9/2/2020 Guys I interviewed a therapist who does EMDR today. […]EMDR Journey Notes – Catch up — Owning It
Dear BC2M Community, Although school looks a bit different this year, we’d like to give a warm welcome back to our BC2M students and their communities. And to the parents and family members who are working through remote learning with your children, we honor you.We have committed ourselves across the country to be a pillar of stability, […]Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —
They say that abuse is a cycle, and I do not disagree. I want to say this loud enough so that the people in the back can hear me. ‘Domestic Violence ‘ is a war that is being handed from generation to generation. Fathers are teaching sons to dominate, control, and terrorize. That there will […]Wars, Lies, and Knives — Victory after Abuse
Today was the third day of professional development for teachers, pandemic style. Everyone has to have their temperature taken at the front door, and log their answers to the Covid-19 questions on a google form. Then it is each teacher to his or her classroom to log on to distanced training. I never realized how […]Pivot! — Army of Angels: Part 2
What if I am not as resilient as people say? What if I am not as mindful as people think I am? With a lot of therapy and personal awareness, I find myself asking these questions. Throughout the last few months, my exploration has led me to two conclusions. The first that uncertainty and not […]Boxed In — A Patient Voice
Today was the first day back to work for teachers in my county. We all went to our rooms, and met remotely as a faculty. Three of my peers were remote from home, in quarantine due to having been exposed, or waiting for test results. Another school had an administrator test positive, and much of […]Lift Off- First Day — Army of Angels: Part 2
What Rules Do You Have? Wearing certain styles of clothes or avoiding certain colours so you don’t stand out perhaps. Maybe its arriving at an event early so you are not the last one to enter the room or so you can plan your escape if you need to leave. I didn’t realise I had […]The Rules We Live By — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies
By Celebretainment Jul 13, 2020
Kid Cudi turns his “pain” and depression into music.
The ‘Adventures of Moon Man and Slim Shady’ rapper opened up about his mental health battles during a speech for PBS’s Washington D.C. station WETA and the National Alliance on Mental Illness Home’s virtual event at the weekend.
The Day ‘N’ Nite’ hitmaker – who checked himself into rehab in 2016 for depression and suicidal urges – admitted depression has “ruled” his life “for as long as he can remember”.
However, the 36-year-old star explained how he came to realise that he could use his struggles and channel the emotions into his art.
He said: “When we’re young, we face a lot of pressure to do things that harm us.
We pretend to be happy when there’s a raging violent storm inside of our heart.
“Once it was difficult for me to find the words. Anxiety and depression ruled my life for as long as I could remember. I was scared, I was sad, I felt like a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions.
“It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, to say I’m gonna get through this. To know that we can take our pain and turn it into something.
I turn my pain into music. And my music is how I am different. And my difference is my power.”
Cudi had previously admitted he was “ashamed” to speak about his mental health problems.
He explained: “I was really good at keeping my troubles hidden … even from my friends.
“I really was good with that. And it’s scary because you hear people say, ‘I had no clue.'”
He’d also previously touched on how expressing himself creatively has helped him to cope his depression.
Speaking earlier in 2018, the rapper – who has collaborated with the likes of Eminem, Kanye West and Jay-Z – shared: “I’m just creating a lot, with more love in my heart for what I’m doing and for myself.
“Living a healthy life, keeping my family around and staying on a mission, which is making music that means something.
“I’m focusing on my art again and throwing myself back into it and wanting to write something with more of a positive outlook on things, because I’ve written the dark so well for so long.
“I wanted to bring the opposite of that, you know? I’m at a place where I was able to do that.”
Have you heard of the Window of Tolerance before? I hadn’t, not until I hit a rocky patch a couple of years ago. One that arrived out of the blue, one that surprised me because I had been doing so well, I had achieved so much and made lots of positive changes in my life. When […]The Window of Tolerance — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies
We have First Aid Kits for Physical Health and Injury, which contain things like Antiseptic Wipes, Plasters, Bandages, Slings and Surgical Tape. So why can’t we have a Mental Health First Aid Kit. One we can turn too when we are struggling with our Mental Health or our Anxiety is paticularily high and causing us […]My Mental Health First Aid Kit — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies
Please join me in welcoming Ann Bale from Don’t Lose hope to Survivors Blog Here. We are excited to have her as a Contributor and look forward to a great 2020.
Ann has a Master’s Degree in Psychology, a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counselling, and has completed a year of psychotherapy training. She has worked as a counsellor in private practice, and has taught in schools and colleges (both online and in classroom settings.) In addition to this, she has written accredited certificate, diploma and degree courses in counselling and psychology, in the UK and in North America. Ann has been working in education, counselling and psychology for over 30 years.
Ann’s blog Don’t Lose Hope, http://firstname.lastname@example.org supports, helps heal and educate partners of sexual addiction. We are committed to sharing knowledge and offering support to those whose lives have been affected by addiction, are dealing with a crisis, have experienced a trauma, are walking through a period of grief and loss, or who are working on relationship issues. You can reach Ann at email@example.com.
Please stop by, welcome Ann and be sure to check out her wesite.
I have not been able to reblog all day. Anyone else having this problem?
Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 20, 2018.
I believe an update is warranted since I’ve made all these life changes…
It honestly feels like I have taken felix felicis, aka liquid luck (for all you non-Potterheads out there). It feels like every single move and decision and thought I make is the right one preparing me for the future I so wish to have. It’s incredible.
I haven’t felt this type of motivation in years. Solely because I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what the hell I wanted. Now, though, each day is it’s own step toward a greater goal. I am first and foremost bettering myself as a human. I’m changing the way I think and how things make me feel. I’m changing how I react to things and the way I talk about things.
Read the last 109 words here.
Hey there everyone!
Another change has happened within the last few weeks… I post a positive message (image) to my Instagram account every day! It’s typically a message that I will take with me through my day and I hope that seeing it helps others during their day. Check it out here!
Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 16, 2018.
Here is one of my playlists (via Spotify, I hope you have it). It has songs that make my mornings a whole lot easier! Anxious? Depressed? This playlist makes me feel at ease and joyful.
It includes songs from George Harrison, Donovan, Paul Simon, Carole King, Townes Van Zandt, Sandy Denny, and more! I hope you get the same feelings from it as I do!
Happy listening 🙂
Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 13, 2018.
I was having a really rough day just over a month ago and I asked my best friend for some help. She had a bunch of positive affirmations and I needed some. She also told me about a meditation app. That meditation app has been my daily helper ever since I downloaded it!
The app is called Simple Habit. There are 5/10/15 minute meditations available with a ton of topics! I do it everyday before I leave the house. It clears out all my anxiety and any depression I may be feeling. It’s got options for if you’re having a rough day or starting something new or just going to start your day, etc.
Within the first few days, I noticed a change within my self and mind. From the teachings I’d meditated along with, I could just let my thoughts be instead of letting them get inside me and fester. I felt stronger just breathing and being at peace. I had much more appreciation for myself and my life.
Read the last 143 words here.
After some recent painful nights, I thought up the idea to create a series where I can release some of the things that continue to haunt me. I am trying to change myself, trying to be more positive, and change my way of thinking for the better. This is my way of cleansing myself and making way for beautiful change.
Let’s begin with one of the toughest ones.
I was in a relationship with someone for close to 4 years and he told me “I love you” out loud twice. There were times where I’d ask him to say it and he’d mumble it, but I rarely asked because it made me feel so pathetic even having to ask. The first time he said it on his own was when I tried to break up with him the first time (a month before actually ending it) and then the second time was right before I walked out the door for good.
His reasoning for not being able to say it was that his ex had “fucked with his mind for over a year”. At first, I understood that, but after we moved in together (after a year) and then more years stacked on to us being together, it felt more and more ridiculous and got more and more painful for me. I hate telling people about this whole thing because I still feel like an idiot. Who would put up with that?
I said it almost every day. Sometimes, I’d try to see how long I could go without saying it and I’d only last about 2 days. Why did I try not to say it? Because saying “I love you” to someone and NEVER getting an “I love you” back is so. fucking. painful. After a while, I felt embarrassed at myself each time I would say it.
Oh and we’re not talking about an agreed upon thing here. It’s not something that was ever okay with me and it was brought up many times. Some people have an understanding or whatever and that’s fine, but it’s not fine when it’s not agreed upon by both people.
Read the last 105 words here.
I apologize for going away, but I really needed time to myself. I’ve been going through a lot the last few months, mostly depression, and it’s been difficult to find motivation. When it came to writing here, all my thoughts were depressed and I didn’t want the path of my blog to steer towards only depressed posts.
Now, I’m in a transition where I don’t want to dwell on the past, but I also want to release some of the painful things that have happened in my life. Maybe that’ll help as a sort of cleanse. I’ll release them here in writing and maybe others with similar experiences will see they’re not alone and that one day, they can move on from them, as well.
Thank you for sticking with me!
Visit my blog here!
Come celebrate with Survivors Blog Here, three new Contributors have joined the Community. Here’s a snap shot: Alexandra from Journey into A, Brian from Owning It Log and Mackenzie from Living with an Illness.
Stop in to say hello and read their current post, each have personal sites, no doubt you’ll want to follow them.
Alexandra’s at http://www.JourneyToA@wordpress.com. I hope to bring other’s along with me on my journey as well as help and inspire. A large theme is dealing with major depression and general anxiety disorder. I hope you enjoy and stay along for the journey!
Brian at http://firstname.lastname@example.org is the core of strength and inspiration. He offers great wisdom and honestly from past experiences with an open heart. He is a Survivor to the core.
Mackenzie at http://www.LivingWithAnIllness@wordpress.com. Her profile shares a snap shot of her get-it-done-life-is-good-attitude. She was diagnosed with Auto-Immune Diseases Scleroderma, Celiac Disesase, Fibromyalgia, EDS and POTS.
I include this video for others to see the strength it takes everyday to survive. Surviving is not a one day task, they are life long challenges.
To Alexandra, Brian, Mackenzie WELCOME to Survivors Blog Here. xo M
Originally posted on Journey Into A on November 11, 2017.
My dad always tells me “use your tools”. Without fail, every time I tell him I’m feeling depressed or anxious, he says “use your tools”. From there, I’ve looked at my methods of helping myself as tools in a toolbox.
I’ve got a bunch of these tools and I’m always looking for more because not everything will work every time and not the same mixture of things will work. My body seems to reject everything I use in the spring and summer and needs something else in the fall and winter and that’s not just talking about natural supplements, but toothpaste, shampoos, and more. The more tools I have to combat the ebbs and flows of depression and anxiety along with the differences half of the year makes on my body, the better.
A few months ago, I was asking about a mood boosting probiotic and another customer mentioned Ashwagandha to me. She went on and on about how it’s an ancient remedy that helps elevate mood and a number of other things. I didn’t get it right then and there because, well, I had to research it. I didn’t know or trust this person and it was the first time I’d heard about it.
Ashwagandha is an herb that can help with a multitude of things, but I take it for stress and depression. I bought it about a month and a half ago and have only used it a few times, but it has helped so it’s added into my toolbox. It feels like it resets me or helps me to reset myself, if that makes any sense. It’s as if the stress and depression are smoothed out over to the side and I have an easier time moving around it rather than it weighing me down and suffocating me. On top of that, it doesn’t make me feel drowsy, which is huge! It’s now my go-to when things are too heavy.
I’m grateful for that stranger putting in her two cents. Her words stayed in my mind and led me to try another supplement to help me. So now, I’m telling you all about it!
*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and I do not claim to be. Everyone’s body is different and what works for me may not work for you. I am merely speaking about my own experiences with natural supplements. I suggest you do your research and/or talk to your doctor. The site I’ve linked (here and above) is just one of many I have visited, but that one seems to be where you could get the most information.
Why did I go natural? Read the backstory there.
My entire life has revolved around pretending I’m ok and as I grow and years go on I’m left in between the feeling of saying I’m not ok to others but never do I feel like they ok with my response ..SO MY FEELINGS OF MAKING THINGS RIGHT FOR OTHERS TO BE OK IS ONGOING. .
AFTER A LONG WEEKEND ALONE BATTLING ALONE TRYING TO DISTRACT MY FAMILY ARRIVED HOME INCLUDING MY OLDEST BOY,HOW EVER TRYING IT WAS I SURVIVED. THEN I STARTED DISOCIATING BADLY IT STARTED AT WORK ,PEOPLE TALKING TO ME BUT I COULD ONLY HEAR PARTS MY EARS WERE JUST NOT WORKING, I FELL TO PIECES TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO MY THERAPIST WHO CLEARLY SAID IT WAS BAD DISOCIATION I WAS EXPERIENCING. ..THEN CAME FAMILY DEMANDS AND OUTINGS WITH MORE DESREGULATION FOR ME..AND HOPING FINALLY IT WOULD ABATE WORK TOOK MORE FROM ME CAUSING HURENDOUS STRESS,BY THIS STAGE I’M FEELING LIKE MY PLAN TO END MY LIFE IS WORTH IT ..FINALLY MONDAY MY KEY WORKER DIDN’T TURN UP CAUSING THE ULTIMATE ANGER AND TURMOIL THAT IV ENDED SEEING HER,DON’T GET ME WRONG SHE IS LOVELY BUT AFTER TRYING TO EXPLAIN HOW IT FEELS (ABANDONED, AND LIKE I DON’T MATTER AND HOW MUCH I’M BATTLING NOW ..AND WITH ALL GOING ON THIS WASNT THE RIGHT TIMING FOR ME,HER RESPONSE WAS WELL I COULDN’T MAKE IT SOMETHING ELSE URGENT CAME UP ..AND LATER WE SPOKE AND HER TONE TOLD ME SHE WAS PISSED OFF I’D EVEN SAY HOW I FELT. .BUT SHE WOULD RESEDULE FOR NXT WEEK IF I WANTED TO” MY RESPONSE HONESTLY I CAN’T DO THIS SO NO I’D RATHER NOT SEE YOU.
Weather or not it was the right decision I don’t know, determining that now is out of my league. .but I’m sick of pretending I’m ok and when people hate my answer trying to make it better for them …then don’t ask me. .Fuck off and leave me I don’t need them!!
As the years have gone by I’m slowly getting better at breaking down walls, though at times it seems with great difficulty.
My experiences of past relationships since a young child are proving my battles though I’m more aware than before it’s just past experiences! And I will stumble and fall but I keep rising 😰
Today I faced an obstacle with jecanique my post spoke of her mistake not putting the phone down after a voice mail message the message explained going to south island in February ,my instinct as usual just another leaving without saying goodbye what’s new:'(however this week has been that and a new key worker sigh another trust relationship is hard and brian and myself battle. ..my experience with my illness I process my trauma as almost now and almost every time I’m trying to make it right. .within my episode’s I strangely want sex to make things better and almost always cry afterwards as I feel like the child that was used…by no means is it true but I myself can’t comprehend it differently, same with jecanique holiday in south island it’s past experience of people leaving me..
Today I managed to tell her and overcome the feeling of dying rather than going back. ..I’ll survive they both lovely people till next week I know will be another hurdle! SIGH
How do you relate to the people in your life with PTSD?
This post is part of a series of poems dedicated to my girlfriend. She has PTSD and severe anxiety and you will understand her story with each post. Each time I learn something about the mental conditions she lives with, I add a “part” to the series.
History becomes Her story-
She’s a beautiful soul, trapped deep in her keep,
In a place she won’t let most inside.
So I’ve entered slowly and cautiously here,
Not breaking the trust she confides.
Her levels and layers, her pain and her hurt
Run as deep as the red in her blood.
And I sit and I listen, to all that she says,
Which comes from her core that is good.
She tells me of rape, of the breaking of bones,
And a tear glistens down over my cheek.
For I’ve known the warrior, the battle hardened victor,
Not imagining her soft soul so meak.
Sometimes she gets up, in the middle of the night
She says that it’s just too hard.
She’ll leave then apologize because she’s flashed back
I’m not angry, I’m honored ’cause she let down a wall.
We tell each other, “You get me.” “You understand who I am”,
And we hold each other tight.
And I’ll hold her and treasure her, ’til peace arrives,
And helps her sleep through the night.
She’s grown on me, and taught me her life,
My mouth hangs open in awe.
For I’m getting her condition, her PTSD
I’m beginning to understand it all.