6 Simple Ways to Get Your Life Back on Track —

It’s natural that sometimes life gets away from you a bit. Stress from work or family commitments can take over and it can be hard to find balance. It’s important to step back and try and regain control. Fortunately, there are few basic steps you can take to get your life back on track. Make […]

6 Simple Ways to Get Your Life Back on Track —

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

Dear BC2M Community, Although school looks a bit different this year, we’d like to give a warm welcome back to our BC2M students and their communities. And to the parents and family members who are working through remote learning with your children, we honor you.We have committed ourselves across the country to be a pillar of stability, […]

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

What Do you Think of Our New Theme?

 

                                                                                                                                                    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It’s been years since I gave Survivor’s Blog Here a facelift and today started looking around at options. Does this theme work for how you like the post to pop out on the front page. What is missing?

I want to hear your feedback not only about the theme but what you would like to see more of from Survivor’s Blog Here. I want the good, bad, and the ugly.

The COVID 19 virus has affected several of our contributors, I’m sure you’ve noticed less blogging in general. This to shall pass and I’m committed to making Survivor’s Blog Here a safe space for everyone to talk about their trauma, chronic illnesses, mental health, and recovery.

As we move into our seventh year I’m excited about the future, committed to growing the community, and getting you involved in shaping our growth. We would not be here without you, your stories, and your feedback.

Please take a minute to let me know your thoughts. I look forward to reading your comments and making changes as we grow together. 

Melinda and Team

Survivors Blog Here Celebrates Six Anniversary With Open House! Stop By For Refreshments

Survivors Blog Here is celebrating our six anniversary with a big celebration! Come by, say hello, browse and read a few posts while enjoying the refreshments.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

We could not have made this journey without the thousands of guests on our site. I want to thank each of you and let you know you’ve made an impact on the community. I look forward to more guests and want you to know our Contributors and followers appreciate you. 

Survivors Blog Here continues to evolve, shaped by life experiences and your feedback. Thank you for taking the journey with us, we learn from you every day. If you’re unfamiliar with our site, we’re a collaboration of writers with different backgrounds and challenges. Supporting men and women as they work thru a trauma, taking steps forward, to move beyond the pain. https://survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com  You can learn more by reading our “About Us” page.

I’m honored and humbled to work with Contributors past and present who share their experiences, pain, and triumphs with a deep desire to pay it forward. I believe they shine a light on the human spirit. 

Robert M. Goldstein    http://robertmgoldstein.com

Casey Alexander   http://hypervigilant.org

Surviving the Specter    http://survivingthespecter.wordpress.com

Hyperion     http://returnofdragons.wordpress.com

sedge808    http://sedge808.com

Army of Angels https://armyofangelspart2.com

Positively Alyssia     http://fightmsdaily.wordpress.com

Life with an illness     http://lifewithanillness.com

Chronic Pain with a Higher Perspective       http://validatingchronicpain.com

Adi’s Wings     http://adiswings.com

A Patients Voice                http://apatientsvoice.wordpress.com

Alexandra Hampton      http://journeyintoa.wordpress.com

Looking for the Light Blog  https://lookingforthelight.blog

Marcus     http://survivorroad.wordpress.com

Owning It Log   http:owningitlog.wordpress.com

Don’t Lose Hope  http://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com

We invite you to join us on the journey ahead. 

Your voice is important, your comments are read and we listen without judgment. Please let us know what you like and what you don’t, the good bad, and ugly. Are there other topics you would like to see addressed? We’re listening.

Melinda

Boxed In — A Patient Voice

What if I am not as resilient as people say? What if I am not as mindful as people think I am? With a lot of therapy and personal awareness, I find myself asking these questions. Throughout the last few months, my exploration has led me to two conclusions. The first that uncertainty and not […]

Boxed In — A Patient Voice

The Rules We Live By — Guest Post Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

What Rules Do You Have? Wearing certain styles of clothes or avoiding certain colours so you don’t stand out perhaps. Maybe its arriving at an event early so you are not the last one to enter the room or so you can plan your escape if you need to leave. I didn’t realise I had […]

The Rules We Live By — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

Survivors Blog Here Welcomes Ann Bale from Don't Lose Hope

Please join me in welcoming Ann Bale from Don’t Lose hope to Survivors Blog Here. We are excited to have her as a Contributor and look forward to a great 2020.

Ann has a Master’s Degree in Psychology, a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counselling, and has completed a year of psychotherapy training. She has worked as a counsellor in private practice, and has taught in schools and colleges (both online and in classroom settings.) In addition to this, she has written accredited certificate, diploma and degree courses in counselling and psychology, in the UK and in North America. Ann has been working in education, counselling and psychology for over 30 years.

Ann’s blog Don’t Lose Hope, http://sexaddictionpartners@wordpress.com supports, helps heal and educate partners of sexual addiction. We are committed to sharing knowledge and offering support to those whose lives have been affected by addiction, are dealing with a crisis, have experienced a trauma, are walking through a period of grief and loss, or who are working on relationship issues. You can reach Ann at ann@coachingskillsintl.com.

Please stop by, welcome Ann and be sure to check out her wesite.

Melinda Sandor

Quote

How Learning My MBTI Personality Type Helped Me Understand Myself — Fox&Co. Mental Health

The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is available on a few sites completely free & is is an “assessment that was designed to help you better understand what makes you tick, how you relate to others, and how you can benefit from this knowledge in everyday life.” This site has different options for sites to take the […]

via How Learning My MBTI Personality Type Helped Me Understand Myself — Fox&Co. Mental Health

Felix Felicis

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 20, 2018.

I believe an update is warranted since I’ve made all these life changes…

It honestly feels like I have taken felix felicis, aka liquid luck (for all you non-Potterheads out there). It feels like every single move and decision and thought I make is the right one preparing me for the future I so wish to have. It’s incredible.

I haven’t felt this type of motivation in years. Solely because I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what the hell I wanted. Now, though, each day is it’s own step toward a greater goal. I am first and foremost bettering myself as a human. I’m changing the way I think and how things make me feel. I’m changing how I react to things and the way I talk about things.

Read the last 109 words here.

Instagram

Hey there everyone!

Another change has happened within the last few weeks… I post a positive message (image) to my Instagram account every day! It’s typically a message that I will take with me through my day and I hope that seeing it helps others during their day. Check it out here!

img_9773

Meditate It Away

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 13, 2018.

I was having a really rough day just over a month ago and I asked my best friend for some help. She had a bunch of positive affirmations and I needed some. She also told me about a meditation app. That meditation app has been my daily helper ever since I downloaded it!

The app is called Simple Habit. There are 5/10/15 minute meditations available with a ton of topics! I do it everyday before I leave the house. It clears out all my anxiety and any depression I may be feeling. It’s got options for if you’re having a rough day or starting something new or just going to start your day, etc.

Within the first few days, I noticed a change within my self and mind. From the teachings I’d meditated along with, I could just let my thoughts be instead of letting them get inside me and fester. I felt stronger just breathing and being at peace. I had much more appreciation for myself and my life.

Read the last 143 words here.

Gavin Kerslake Featured Blogger for December

Introducing

It’s an honor to introduce good friend Gavin Kerslake as Featured Blogger for December 2017. Gavin’s highly successful personal site Noir, http://www.sedge808.com. I have no doubt you will want to follow his work. Gavin also contributes to http://www.survivorsbloghere@wordpress.com, a Survivors community.

Gavin is a Professional Photographer, Music Lover, Street Dancer and Published Author. His first book ‘Noir’ released in September 2017.

20 something

What hobbies do you have outside of photography?

Music is my favorite thing in my life. I’m into electronic music, but love all kinds of music. Film (movies, TV Series etc) are a big thing in my life. Love Horror and Science Fiction, but also like Foreign Films very much too. I watch a lot of them.

When did you start dancing? Did you dream of having a Studio? 

I started dancing in my late teens, and went to jazz classes every week. In my early 20’s I took up full-time study. In my 30’s I became a dance teacher. Ballroom, jazz, Techno, Latin and Rock and Roll. I never had a desire for a studio.

Tell me about performing with the Australian Ballet Company.

It was a huge honor. They travel around Australia to each city. Myself and another man were chosen to perform with the ballet. A bit like an extra in a movie. It was awesome, a lot of fun. Wore a full Scottish kilt, for each performance and stage make up

Your first photos were in color, why did you switch to Black and White?

Very good question. Color was very much my thing when I started photography in 2009. The Flickr community got me interested because I was seeing a lot of Black and White photography. That’s when I made the change, and joined WordPress. My followers were used to me doing color, when I started B&W, they didn’t like it. I decided to use WordPress for my B&W photos.

Your book Noir looks incredible, the photos flow so well. How did you decide on layout?

Thank you very much. It took a lot of effort, and I got RSI from all the work I put into it. I wanted to have themes that flowed throughout the book. I’m very happy with the result.

How do you feel with a published book?

Proud and happy. There are more books coming in the future, but they will be color.

It’s a pleasure to work with friends, hugs…thank you Gavin.     Melinda

winged Gav

Here are additional outlets where you can find Gavin’s work.

http://www.fluidr.com/photos/sedge808/interesting

http://www.redbubble.com/people/sedge808

http://au.blurb.com/b/8048225-noir

Survivors Blog Here Celebrates the Joining of Three New Contributors

Come celebrate with Survivors Blog Here, three new Contributors have joined the Community. Here’s a snap shot: Alexandra from Journey into A, Brian from Owning It Log and Mackenzie from Living with an Illness.

Stop in to say hello and read their current post, each have personal sites, no doubt you’ll want to follow them.

Alexandra’s at http://www.JourneyToA@wordpress.com. I hope to bring other’s along with me on my journey as well as help and inspire. A large theme is dealing with major depression and general anxiety disorder. I hope you enjoy and stay along for the journey!

Brian at http://www.owningitlog@wordpress.com is the core of strength and inspiration. He offers great wisdom and honestly from past experiences with an open heart. He is a Survivor to the core.

Mackenzie at http://www.LivingWithAnIllness@wordpress.com. Her profile shares a snap shot of her get-it-done-life-is-good-attitude. She was diagnosed with Auto-Immune Diseases Scleroderma, Celiac Disesase, Fibromyalgia, EDS and POTS.

I include this video for others to see the strength it takes everyday to survive. Surviving is not a one day task, they are life long challenges.

To Alexandra, Brian, Mackenzie WELCOME to Survivors Blog Here.  xo M

 

Hey, my good friend Casey Sims has joined the party!

Welcome Casey Sims to the Survivors Blog Here Team

https://survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/i-love-my-life/

Everyone met the newest member of the Survivors Blog Here, Casey Sims. I saw a post about Casey out mountain climbing, I had to meet this man, he is special and a Survivor. He’s lucky to be alive, Casey was paralyzed in a horrific car accident.

Three years later his nothing is going to stop me from seeing, doing and living life to the fullest attitude is most refreshing. He’s a cool guy, tells it like it is, see’s it and he’s seeing it all. His attitude is infectious, you must stop by his site   https://jerkybizblog.wordpress.com  and  you can find him here Survivors Blog Here http://www.survivorsblogherewordpress.com  to see what he’s up to. Watch this awesome YouTube video. There’s nothing to add.

Casey started blogging to see if his story might help someone, he’s a resource for everyone. He lives in the Iowa where the mountain air and flowing creeks refresh his soul.

We are all thrilled Casey has joined our team!

Xx M

 

Do You Want to take Free On-Line Courses from Top Universities?

EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES

iTunes University offers an extensive selection of free non credit courses from top rated universities. No stress, go at your own pace, courses are complete flexibility.

iTunes University also offers hundreds of free Podcast on any subject you can imagine. Take a trip around the world. I love Podcast, reading done for you. The system can configure automatic downloads, has bookmarks, and keeps track of what you’ve listened to or not.

Courseca.org offers over hundreds of free on-line courses from top universities. No stress, work at your own pace. For fee courses are available for credit.

Berkley Online Music School offers free course work. No stress, work at your own pace. online.berklee.edu

NovoEd.com is excited to announce the launch of Philanthropy University, a first-of-its-kind online educational initiative. Free, dynamic online courses give people learning, resources, and community. NovaEd.com also offers fee course work for credit. Free course work are stress free, work at your own pace.

Xx  M

Effects of new therapy 

Since Thursday last week afternoon iv battled after been triggered purposely by my therapist. .a conversation the last four days I can’t understand  in my own mind …

I’m pushing and shoving my feelings and thoughts of which iv tried crafts and gardening ..but to all avail my feelings are there they wanting my attention !

Yesterday evening I realized i missed meds in the afternoon and just burst out crying 2nd time this week past. .this hard and again today mh boy needed to go for ct scan out at our main hospital, trigger it reminded me of my trip to respite early this year and then hospital as I had 3x my normal dose causing horrible effects. 

I’m home now but my continues pounding on off Help me””

AND MENTALLY I’M REARRANGING THE WORLD AGAIN 

Avoidance 

The entire day I kept busy walked the dog ,baked and tried a bit of painting. .

As  I said before I’m not entirely sure what drives my meds stop but I’m crying I wanna stop it Now I wanna run I don’t want my meds :'(😩And I don’t no why ..

Ending of a Relationship

For survivors of mental illness, they say journaling is a way to help you heal.

Here’s my effort at catharsis…

My girlfriend of nearly three years, and I, just parted ways. We’ve broken up several times before, and each time have gotten back together. This time is permanent though <<insert audience laughter here>> because of how things have progressed. Here are my thoughts through the process:

Moving On-

  • Remember why the breakup happened in the first place. There was a breaking point for me. A straw. A tipping point that once reached, ensured that things were not going to continue from that point on. It was a recurring theme that (I felt) I didn’t deserve to endure, and I couldn’t endure in the future and for the rest of the relationship. Remembering this tipping point became my first anchor point.
  • Make a list of anchor points. This was the first thing I did. I made a list. I know that there are going to be days when I’m sad and want the relationship back. I also realize that that is not a healthy choice, so to help me remain resolute, I wrote a list of things that would keep steadfast. Especially on the weekend. Out of respect to her I won’t list them here, but these are largely negative things that have pushed me away over time. When you’re sad your mind wanders back to the good times you both had, or all the things you miss about that person. Keeping a list of anchor points helps me keep things in perspective. Don’t fume over the bad things and don’t forget the good things, just be real with yourself.
  • Disconnect from their social media world. I find that when I have a break with someone, I need to cut ALL ties. Cold turkey. I don’t want them coming up in my news feed. I don’t want to see that they’ve liked my posts. I don’t want to see their Pins or comments come up on my wall. It makes me anxious and makes my adrenaline race. It makes me start to miss those things I mentioned above. There are also apps that block their texts from coming in, and you can delete their numbers from your Contacts list, but I haven’t done that. I’m the type of person that can’t “just be friends”. To me, that’s a crock of she-ite. Maybe we can in the future, but not at this time. It’s too painful. It’s too real. And it’s too raw to be your friend. It’s too tempting to want to go back to something that is so raw and familiar. To resist the temptation, I don’t put myself in the situation in the first place, and have done what I could to avoid it.
  • Get out. I’m an introvert and like my alone time. This can become unhealthy since I also live with major depression. I have to be careful that alone time doesn’t turn into isolation. I know that I need to step out of my comfort zone and start doing things, especially on the weekends when I don’t have my daughter. Those are the worst. Make plans – in fact make a Plan B in case Plan A falls through. All too many times I’ve found myself sitting at home crying with the lights off and the shades dropped because I didn’t have a backup plan. It just turns into a deep dark pit from there. One of the things I am going to try to do is join a gym down the street and get back into shape. Being out of shape has brought me down mentally and exercising again and losing some weight will be good for both my mental and physical health. Another great way to get out is to join a Meetup singles group, though I’m not sure if this applies to readers outside the US.
  • Go on a date when you’re ready. Get to know other people. Spread your wings. You don’t have to jump right into another relationship (in fact you shouldn’t) but there’s nothing wrong with getting back out there and getting to know people, and building relationships. Go on dating sights and meet people. At this point it’s about survival and staying busy, not finding your soul mate.

Red Flags-

I’m not going to go into much detail here, again, out of respect.

  1. We both live with mental illness. Maybe a relationship where both partners survive with mental illnesses can work out. On the other hand, maybe it’s not a wise choice in the first place. I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that we both have demons we live with. I also know that we both needed LOTS of patience and empathy to date each other – we didn’t necessarily have those two things all the time. WE can’t rely on others to fix quell those demons, we have to do that on our own. The other person isn’t going to fix us. We have to be able to manage who we are within the relationship.
  2. Trust issues.  You shouldn’t have to suffer for someone’s (trust) issues from a prior relationship. If that person feels the need to go through your texts and social media IMs and you haven’t done something deserving of that (let’s be honest here), then there are trust issues that need to be resolved outside of the relationship. To project that onto someone else is emotional abuse and unfair.
  3. Others. In hind sight, there are many signs that you can probably now see that should have been red flags: multiple marriages, anger issues, physical and emotional and verbal abuse…the list could go on for each of us. It’s important in our closure that we notice these things (and write them down if necessary) and try our best to avoid them in our future.

Do you have any suggestions on how best to move on, or red flags that you’ve experienced in your relationships? Would you be willing to share them with the rest of us?

Keep holding on

You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side
You know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold

And it feels like the end
There’s no place to go
You know I won’t give in
No, I won’t give in

Keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it’s too late
This could all disappear

Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side, I will fight and defend
I’ll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing’s gonna change
Nothing’s gonna change destiny
Whatever’s meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you
There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

Keep holding on

Keep holding on

There’s nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through..

My Depression Controls Me

quotes_depression_003.png

Unfortunately, I can empathize with you, my friend.

For my depression controls me, too.

It is not a passing state of mind, nor a feeling.

It is something we survive through every day.

Sometimes, on certain days, it’s not as intense.

But it is always there.

A lot of people may never guess because I try to hide it.

I hide it by staying to myself.

And by pretending like I am concentrating and hard at work.

I am introverted…

…because I don’t want to pull other people down with me.

If my friends didn’t invite me to do things with them…

…I would constantly isolate.

A lot of the times I say “no” anyways because I am “busy”.

I know I am not alone, but a lot of the time it feels that way.

It ruins my intimate relationships.

It makes me run away from those who love me.

This depression sucks the happy out of me.

Even on sunny, beautiful days, all I can see is gray.

I sleep – a lot. Because depression numbs me.

I get frustrated with myself all the time because of how things are.

I don’t want it to be this way, but it just is.

Psychologist appointment :'(

Today I met Hannes once again our first real therapy session with my key worker after our meeting last week. …And guess what I fucking forgot to take my meds this morning, it’s vital as I battle to concentrate without. ..

So all one breathe I babble something like please go easy I forgot my meds Blahhh what was I hoping all in another few minutes I get a lecture and a declaration to promise I’ll take meds daily and not try coming off again as he won’t be able to work with me in that state !

*then came home work and drills and questions about the home work…and more promises to try hard and reconize stuff before and after. 

*Then he dropped the bomb next week there’s no big room but his small office only,by this stage I wanna vomit he calls things up front by there name and then says look I promise not to sit on your lap and I wanna vomit and this pain of me being raped comes from my bottom so badly so blurt out you could you could be so lucky. .so he says I’ll have to dream about you tonight yuk  

I stumbled out the pain so excruciating he never even new about this pain ..I sat for while in the car breathing and neither had a fucking of my triggers 😠:'(

Breath

Waiting on the day. M

Breath is the power behind all things. Your breath doesn’t know how old you are; it doesn’t know what you can’t do. If I am feeling puzzled or my mind is telling me that I’m not capable of something, I breath in and know that good things will happen.

Tao Porch0n-Lynch, Yoga Instructor  Age 96 

Fall in Alabama Fall in Alabama

Xx  M

View original post

Hitting that brick wall 

I’m trying hard to focus on the one brick on the side walk …Because of you ptsd I’m battling through this ..

Yesterday my psychiatrist described some of my symptoms as psychotic moments and as planned my meds has been increased to afternoon too now …he says he’ll keep pushing up to 30mg is his goal to control my moods and syptoms of voices. ..hypervigalance is a problem too but his certain we’ll get all under control with this meds as it reaches it’s peak. ..

WITHDRAW, THE BEAST WITHIN *Day One*

Hi Survivors, see you soon. M

THIS IS ME, THE ME WHO KEEPS IT TOGETHER WITH THE HELP OF SEVERAL PRESCRIPTIONS. THIS IS WITHDRAW OF JUST ONE OF THREE DRUGS I’M ADDICTED TO. 

I’ve wanted to write and show you the hell I’ve been through I’m just not well enough. This is what I came up with to let people know I’m OK. Beaten, yes but on the mend.

Thanks to everyone who has tried to reach out to me while I was in HELL. I’m  recovering now. I was able to battle things out at home but there was a point when the questions came up, was it time to go to hospital.

Below are a few comments I’ve made while digging myself out of hell. It’s not entertaining, quite disgusting actually, IT’S REAL. I have Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder and Xanax is an anchor drug. I’ve lived thru what the doctor or instructions may…

View original post 1,241 more words

these sad sights

Art by Rob Goldstein

Art by Rob Goldstein Scars

these sad sights:

a kitten drowned
in the rain

a puppy killed
on my bed

my childhood
buddy shot
dead by his

dad.

these sad sights:

the morgue shots
of my murdered
mother

a young man
grasping in
terror
for breath

the broken

body

of my Father
defeated by

antisemitism.

this sad sight

to come:

my day of dying

without knowing

the why.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2016

View original post

How to Prevent Water Damage without Losing Your Mind Part 2

Hypervigilant.org

Maybe my reaction when I found out our son was filling water balloons in the bathroom INSIDE OUR WATER-CURSED HOUSE was a little inflated. Maybe.

Are you CRAZY??? We had to replace that floor down to the joists because of water damage. I’m upstairs plastering the bathroom because of a leak. NO. WATER. PLAY. IN. THE. HOUSE!

His response: “But I covered the floor in towels just in case I spilled!”

Wise beyond his years. Sort of. I had just finished folding those towels…

We’ve now experienced eight—count ’em, eight—leaks in this house.

Our latest was not the fault of the previous owner. For once.

When the plumber replaced the pan under our air handler, he neglected to clean out the drain lines. The small pipes clogged. Water backed up into the air handler and poured down into the air ducts. Missed it? Read all about the horror (and how to prevent…

View original post 464 more words

This is the real me

I’ve always been the kinda girl that hid my face
So afraid to tell the world what I’ve got to say
But I have this dream right inside of me
I’m gonna let it show, it’s time to let you know, to let you know

This is real, this is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am, there’s no way to hold it in
No more hidin’ who I wanna be, this is me, yeah

Do you know what it’s like to feel so in the dark?
To dream about a life when you’re the shining star
Even though it seems like it’s too far away
I have to believe in myself, it’s the only way

This is real, this is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am, there’s no way to hold it in
No more hidin’ who I wanna be, this is me

You’re the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I’m singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
You’re the missing piece, I need the song inside of me
I need to find you, I gotta find you

This is real, this is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am, there’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be

This is me
You’re the missing piece, I need the song inside of me
This is me, yeah
You’re the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I’m singing
Now I found who I am, there’s no way to hold it in

THIS IS ME

Hello darkness my old friend 😈

I hate to know  you once again. .😱

With you ,you bring anxiety, hatred and anger. .😨

But my journey with you I will follow

 I will face you head on 😤

Learn to love you 💞

Learn to walk with you 👣

I will learn to hold you and except you 🙅:'(

Because this is the new me developing 🙂

Unsigned Military Police Investigator Charge Sheet For Additional Offenses

HELP CHELSEA MANNING NOW

URGENT CHELSEA MANNING NEEDS US NOW

A Charge Sheet, was presented to Chelsea Manning regarding additional offenses. There is NO WIN for Chelsea. It’s hard for to think of Solitary Confinement for the remaining sentence.

God please send blessing to Chelsea Manning. Continue to give her strength to endure additional treatment. Send your Angels from Heaven to hold her hand assuring Chelsea God loves all his children regardless of sexual preference. God please hear my prayers and all prayers for Chelsea.

In God’s name   Melinda

https://www.aclu.org/legal-document/chelsea-manning-charge-sheet

Document published by ACLU.

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Chelsea Manning may receive Nine Years added to her 35 year sentence

INFORM OTHERS BY PASSING AROUND

URGENT PLEASE READ NEW CHARGES AGAINST CHELSEA MANNING

At this time, Chelsea Manning is not receiving adequate Psychological Counseling. Chelsea is a Trans being forced to serve out her sentence in an ALL-MALE Maximum Security Prison. Although Chelsea tries to stay focus on her writing and advocacy, being a woman in an all-male prison is dehumanizing and exhausting emotionally, according to ACLU. The post in long but worth reading, someday it could be you. The next post is short.    Outraged,  Melinda 

Chelsea Manning faces new charges, indefinite solitary confinement, related to suicide attempt

Posted 17:08 EDT on July 28, 2016
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, July 28, 2016
Contact: Christina DiPasquale, christina@balestramedia.com, 202.716.1953

U.S government has systematically abused imprisoned whistleblower, continues to deny access to gender related health care

LEAVENWORTH, KS––Imprisoned whistleblower Chelsea Manning reported to attorneys and friends that she received a document from

Army officials today informing her that she…

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US Government abusing Whistleblower Chelsea Manning, Columnist for The Guardian

PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD

Urgent Please Read, Chelsea Manning needs your help

Please read the critical information on Chelsea Manning, the Whistleblower who uncovered some of the Governments worst abuses. Chelsea is a Transgender woman being forced to serve out her sentence in an all-male prisonI have two additional post on Chelsea Manning including the Charge Sheet The Military Police Investigators. The additional charges are related to Chelsea trying to commit suicide on July 5, 2016.

The organizations Fight For The Future and ACLU are urgently working to inform the public.      Outraged,  Melinda 

URGENT: The U.S. government systematically abused whistleblower Chelsea Manning until she tried to take her own life. Now they’re trying to charge her for it. Sign the petition to stop this inhumane punishment.

After years of extreme mistreatment, having been held in conditions that the UN considers to be torture, Chelsea Manning, the Guardian columnist and whistleblower who has…

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Cry baby well being triggered 

Help I’m in new Plymouth and well we are all trying to enjoy the evening this so called friend of ours keeps making sexual comments and advances at me…Hubby says ignore I’m here I’ll look after u ..earlier I nearly so nearly smashed his face when I took a chip from the packet he held well sitting and said that feels so good lisa…agggg I’m so triggered my feelings keep changing to wanna lash out!

I’m trying 

Goodbye to you becs there’s sadness there pain but she has promised to be around when I need her…:'(😤😣HELPPP 

How it feels to stop fighting excepting of my illness will be my focus! DBT Starts Wednesday 
I flew to new Plymouth yesterday a first in 9 years I cried hung on to hubby but I did it!

Even Angels cry

Even Angels Cry
Jars of Clay
Lyrics
I whisper, “You don’t have to worry, we’ll survive”
Forced smiles underneath the brittle, frozen light
No proof that you’re alive
Cold fingers find the curve below your tired eyes
No comfort in familiar places, not this time
You hold it deep inside
Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry
No flood warnings, still the waters rise
Flowers through asphalt, Diamonds in the pockets of your eyes
Turn your face and hide
I saw a woman with ribbons in her hair
Old and lonely, so beautiful I had to stop and stare
The well will not run dry
Oh sister

The Doll, Part 2

Hypervigilant.org

Continued from Chapter One.

First part of the second chapter.  I’m submitting the book idea at the end of the month, so if you have editorial commentary, now’s your chance.:)  
Summary: Colleen, adopted through foster care with her brother, dreams of finding her birth family and learning they are royalty. She hates chores and feels displaced by her adoptive parents’ pregnancy. She wishes her life were different, the life of a princess. A gift from her grandfather might make her wish reality.

Two

Grandpa is late.

He’s never late.

Did he forget?

How could he forget my birthday?

My grandpa is amazing. We connect. He understands me. He’s always understood me.

In one of my earliest memories, I hold the dash of his beat-up diesel truck as we bounce across the cow pastures to check on new calves. The afternoon wind pushes through the cab, warm and buffeting. I’m small…

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Throw Back Thursday * Triple Shot of Sting*

Roxanne messed up here, corrected on my site.

I’ve sent a dozen or so Instagram or Twitter notes. Sting is on tour, I dropped a line. Imagine my surprise he responded. “Thanks for the support and nice thoughts. Best wishes to you, God bless” WOW I was shocked.

I pray you have a great weekend. Be safe.  Xx  M

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out come of a psychiatrist and psychologist today..

I was offered 3x psychologist appointment free in the interim well I wait for mental health I think I voiced my concerns as three was joke. .needless the woman rang me and after a few minutes of voicing my opinion she asked I give her the chance 😯:?holly fuck! ! Today we met a quiet gentle soft spoken person took me in ..in scanned she said softly Hi i said hello she said hi mmm is this a game I thought? she asked I tell her a bit about myself What ,what piece..iv recently come off meds in May got sick again ,oh I do this regularly too last was January, I fight like hell as I don’t wanna be like my mom a drug addict! :'(Fuck u tears I start welling up ..she says do u always fight crying ya at this stage I’m at the door up against it my bodies hating this as she asks what I’m feeling! 
I feel like someone is screaming in me in a devilish voice yet it’s me I think  ,she says she glad I don’t you mentioned you don’t  wanna be fixed but to only want me to except me ..it’s like having cancer or my illness excepting is half your battle. ..i try sit I’m battling to stay present tears well she asked again what I was feeling, I feel as though my chest is ripped out its painful the pain was so bad I was feeling I’d need hospital ..I colapased back into couch tried after only 15 min. .what was the nxt 45min gonna be like?

There was a cushion or many I tried without her noticing to hold or touch it ..she noticed hold it tight it’s security lisa fuck women stop staring and within minutes I broke down desolving into the couch I cried screamed sobbed well she continued to talk gently every noise in the building made me jump!  With reassurance she continued, I don’t remember much except to feel no judgment …leaving I drifted into reality of a mental health psychiatrist appointment. ..

David and Christine waited and again things were different whether within me or them I do not know ,but I can tell you he had heard my plea 😤after few questions he said lisa I think you have waited walked and tried to avoid the journey ..let us now begin .Meds have changed from quitiapine to Olanzapine been the new antiphychotic meds with eppilum ,then psychologist came to talk about the waiting list I drifted away there new psychologist is a male Christine will support me we meet Wednesday nxt week at 10.30. .and David will see me on 9 Aug again without failure he promised, somehow I feel his promise. .Last night was my first night of meds new ones and it was different I never felt extremely tired only fell asleep at 11 ish but woke at 7 am sleep it worked however I’m feeling down grey black and a body of emotions  rather than rage to fight!

A Shimmer of Light

Tunnel Light

A shimmer of light

Eyes puddled with tears

Light coming closer

I’m at complete peace

God what do you want from me

I have no special skill

Was the light a miracle from high above

Trapped in darkness, I hear keys

The thought took my breath away

I fell to ground weeping

Is the light telling me better days are ahead

How can it be, he choose me.

God said there’s no miracle

A reminder

You are alive

Live each day like your last

Xx  M

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How to Bond when Your Child Won’t

Hypervigilant.org

I have finally found the key to bonding with a RAD child.

Abject terror.

2591122704_d7da1bf4dd_o Photo Credit: Martin Keamy Fanbase

Parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is a roller coaster.

After five years, we’ve attained what I consider a significant level of progress. She no longer voices thoughts of…uh…removing…me from her lifescape.

While still she displays obvious preference for Daddy, most of the angst directed my way these days appears more related to pre-teen hormones. I’ll take it.

During our first year, I bought a fresh coconut because the kids wanted to know what the inside looked like.

Those suckers are tough to open. I ended up outside on the patio trying to crack it with a hammer.

As I bludgeoned the nut again and again, doing my best not to hit my nose on the bounce-back, she began screaming,

Bash her head in! Bash her head in!

I looked up to see her…

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