Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood. - Alice Miller.
Black and Blue
Why am always so triggered by my environment and the politics
of my country?
Why do I care so deeply?
I never discuss my learning disabilities nor do I discuss where
I went to school or how.
I am dyslexic with numbers.
I don’t know my right hand from my left.
Some of it is the result of neurological damage.
I was beaten by my classmates as their parents
cheered them on when I tried to go to school.
My first memory of dissociating was when I was under a pile of boys.
I crawled into my mind and went numb.
There is nothing more painful or confusing to a child
than being hated for being born.
A child under arrest in the Warsaw Ghetto
The beatings began when I was six.
My neighbors and my teachers were anti-Semitic.
I was that little Jew boy.
View original post 377 more words
I think that what differentiates CPTSD from PTSD is that CPTSD involves multiple defensive adaptations to multiple traumas that are sustained over a long period.
My Dissociative disorder is related to an environment of abuse created by my Mother.
My panic disorder is related to an environment of abuse created by my community.
Emotional development can not happen when the brain thinks the survival of the body is at stake.
As I begin to remember my childhood, I find that I have panic attacks that make it almost impossible for me to move. As I type I feel my heart race, my skin crawls–there is a pain in my chest, as if I am crushed.
The details of the memory are out of reach yet they are as vivid as if I am living it.
I feel as if I’m dying but I don’t know why.
The South of my…
View original post 618 more words
This is a reply to a friend with whom I’ve been discussing pedophilia.
My friend wrote:
“Does it matter if pedophiles have the chance to correct what they did? One abuse, two abuses, three abuses?
Does it help if the people that did this sincerely learn it is wrong.
I think rage is felt by all who are abused, not just you.
I think that each person answers questions for themselves.
I don’t think there are right and wrong answers.
I think one seeks closure
I think closure is difficult to find
Victims of pedophiles cannot remain victims”
Once you’ve been victimized by a pedophile you will always have been victimized by a pedophile.
Once you’ve been raped you will always once have been raped
I don’t understand the American delusion that the secret to happiness is pretending that we don’t have moments of terrible pain just like…
View original post 490 more words