How to find the right therapist for you —

IDEAS.TED.COM Jun 29, 2021 / Brianne Patrice + Taylor Blossom Nadine Redlich When people are trying out a new therapist, they often tend to put the therapist in the driver’s seat during their initial sessions. But this isn’t quite right — the client should be an equal partner too. What else should people keep in mind during that process? […]

How to find the right therapist for you —

The #1 block to teamwork is defensiveness. Here’s how to defuse it —

IDEAS.TED.COM Apr 14, 2020 / Kara Cutruzzula Glenn Harvey This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here. To be human is to get defensive. When we’ve been questioned or criticized at work, it’s fair […]

The #1 block to teamwork is defensiveness. Here’s how to defuse it —

Born in 2014 Survivors Blog Here is going strong for you.

I chose this photo because when I think of the type of environment we wanted to create at Survivors Blog Here, it’s an embrace. Embracing who you are, where you are, embracing you as you take steps forward and the occasional step back.

Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Survivors Blog Here was created by three friendly bloggers, Army of Angles, Hyperion and myself, Looking for the Light. We had our own baggage and had been there for each other thru some difficult times. We wanted to take our collective knowledge to help others. Survivors Blog Here was the first name that came to mind and we were born in that early morning hour.

This is part of our Mission Statement if you will.

We support men and women Survivors from every walk of life. Struggles with Trauma, Violence, Mental Illness, Child Abuse, Chronic Illness, and more. We’re here for you.

Providing support as you work towards healing, taking steps forward, moving beyond the pain and struggle. We’re a collaborative of like-minded writers and photographers with a mission: to offer a creative, honest and safe place to gather. We offer support from a team of Survivors with diverse backgrounds, we believe everyone has a story to tell.

Our writers offer an interesting perspective, humor and wealth of knowledge through personal experiences. Each writer has their own blog, be sure to stop by their individual sites. Your questions and comments are important to us, you’ll get honest feedback even when it’s not want you want to hear. Everyone is important.

Photo by Marlon Martinez on Pexels.com

One of the keys to success at Survivors Blog Here was having other great contributors join the group and add their story, we all have one, sometimes ugly but all worth telling. We have a great team of contributors who have come and gone over the years but their legacy last in our archives. There is a wealth of knowledge of every imageable subject in our archives, be sure to search thru them for a gem you might be needing.

The Pandemic has been hard of many of the contributors who were having their own struggles before the most difficult times hit. Many contributors you haven’t seen in a long time, I miss them too. I’m confident our trusted contributors will return once life is less stressful and they are feeling more creative.

I want to thank the Contributors who have soldered on thru these difficult times to continue with informative, helpful post and to be there for everyone who needs their support. I truly appreciate your commitment.

Survivors Blog Here like all blogs has evolved like each of us do and I would love to hear from you on what you would like to see from us as we move forward. That’s been a key saying for us, Keep Moving Forward, let’s move forward together. I need you input.

What topics, deep conversations do you want us to have?

Most importantly what do you want from me? I’m the only active founder and don’t feel like I’ve been in touch with what you need from Survivors Blog Here recently.

I want all your comments, the good, bad, and the ugly. I want to know what you feel is missing in the blogging community and how do you think we can fill that need. I continue with our original mission but we are evolving and will add to our mission as we grow.

Melinda

The memo that all new moms and dads should receive —

IDEAS.TED.COM May 7, 2020 / Glennon Doyle Michelle Kondrich “What we need right now is more women who are full of themselves,” writes activist Glennon Doyle in her book Untamed. One thing that can hold them back: Unhelpful and unhealthy beliefs about being a mom.  Every generation of parents receives a memo when they leave the hospital […]

The memo that all new moms and dads should receive —

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

Dear BC2M Community, Although school looks a bit different this year, we’d like to give a warm welcome back to our BC2M students and their communities. And to the parents and family members who are working through remote learning with your children, we honor you.We have committed ourselves across the country to be a pillar of stability, […]

Welcome Bring Change To Mind Student & Communities —

What Do you Think of Our New Theme?

 

                                                                                                                                                    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It’s been years since I gave Survivor’s Blog Here a facelift and today started looking around at options. Does this theme work for how you like the post to pop out on the front page. What is missing?

I want to hear your feedback not only about the theme but what you would like to see more of from Survivor’s Blog Here. I want the good, bad, and the ugly.

The COVID 19 virus has affected several of our contributors, I’m sure you’ve noticed less blogging in general. This to shall pass and I’m committed to making Survivor’s Blog Here a safe space for everyone to talk about their trauma, chronic illnesses, mental health, and recovery.

As we move into our seventh year I’m excited about the future, committed to growing the community, and getting you involved in shaping our growth. We would not be here without you, your stories, and your feedback.

Please take a minute to let me know your thoughts. I look forward to reading your comments and making changes as we grow together. 

Melinda and Team

Survivors Blog Here Celebrates Six Anniversary With Open House! Stop By For Refreshments

Survivors Blog Here is celebrating our six anniversary with a big celebration! Come by, say hello, browse and read a few posts while enjoying the refreshments.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

We could not have made this journey without the thousands of guests on our site. I want to thank each of you and let you know you’ve made an impact on the community. I look forward to more guests and want you to know our Contributors and followers appreciate you. 

Survivors Blog Here continues to evolve, shaped by life experiences and your feedback. Thank you for taking the journey with us, we learn from you every day. If you’re unfamiliar with our site, we’re a collaboration of writers with different backgrounds and challenges. Supporting men and women as they work thru a trauma, taking steps forward, to move beyond the pain. https://survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com  You can learn more by reading our “About Us” page.

I’m honored and humbled to work with Contributors past and present who share their experiences, pain, and triumphs with a deep desire to pay it forward. I believe they shine a light on the human spirit. 

Robert M. Goldstein    http://robertmgoldstein.com

Casey Alexander   http://hypervigilant.org

Surviving the Specter    http://survivingthespecter.wordpress.com

Hyperion     http://returnofdragons.wordpress.com

sedge808    http://sedge808.com

Army of Angels https://armyofangelspart2.com

Positively Alyssia     http://fightmsdaily.wordpress.com

Life with an illness     http://lifewithanillness.com

Chronic Pain with a Higher Perspective       http://validatingchronicpain.com

Adi’s Wings     http://adiswings.com

A Patients Voice                http://apatientsvoice.wordpress.com

Alexandra Hampton      http://journeyintoa.wordpress.com

Looking for the Light Blog  https://lookingforthelight.blog

Marcus     http://survivorroad.wordpress.com

Owning It Log   http:owningitlog.wordpress.com

Don’t Lose Hope  http://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com

We invite you to join us on the journey ahead. 

Your voice is important, your comments are read and we listen without judgment. Please let us know what you like and what you don’t, the good bad, and ugly. Are there other topics you would like to see addressed? We’re listening.

Melinda

The Rules We Live By — Guest Post Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

What Rules Do You Have? Wearing certain styles of clothes or avoiding certain colours so you don’t stand out perhaps. Maybe its arriving at an event early so you are not the last one to enter the room or so you can plan your escape if you need to leave. I didn’t realise I had […]

The Rules We Live By — Purple Butterflies and Winter Dragonflies

How writing about difficult experiences can help you take back your power —

IDEAS.TED.COM Jun 29, 2020 / Sakinah Hofler This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here. I have a question for you. Have you ever seen something and you wish you could have said something […]

How writing about difficult experiences can help you take back your power —
Quote

How Learning My MBTI Personality Type Helped Me Understand Myself — Fox&Co. Mental Health

The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is available on a few sites completely free & is is an “assessment that was designed to help you better understand what makes you tick, how you relate to others, and how you can benefit from this knowledge in everyday life.” This site has different options for sites to take the […]

via How Learning My MBTI Personality Type Helped Me Understand Myself — Fox&Co. Mental Health

Survivors Blog Here Celebrates Fourth Anniversary

Survivors Blog Here is celebrating our fourth anniversary with an Open House. Stop in, say hello, browse and read a few post while enjoying refreshments.

Survivors Blog Here continues to evolve, shaped by life experiences and your feedback. Thank you for taking the journey with us, we learn from you everyday. If you’re unfamiliar with our site, we’re a collaboration of writers with different backgrounds and challenges. Supporting men and women as they work thru trauma, taking steps forward, to move beyond the pain. https://survivorsbloghere.wordpress.com  Drop by, learn more by reading our “About Us” page.

I’m humbled to work with Contributors who share the good, bad and ugly with a deep desire to pay it forward. I believe they shine light on the human spirit. We’re ready for the journey ahead and invite you to join us.

Robert M. Goldstien    http://.robertmgoldstein.com

(Casey) Hypervigilant   http://hypervigilant.org

Surviving the Specter    http://survivingthespecter.wordpress.com

Hyperion     http://returnofdragons.wordpress.com

sedge808    http://sedge808.wordpress.com

Army of Angels.   http://armyofanglespart2.com   

Positively Alyssia     http://fightmsdaily.wordpress.com

Life with an illness.      http://www.lifewithanillness.com

Chronic Pain with a Higher Perspective       http://www.validatingchronicpain.com

Adi’s Wings      http://www.adiswings.com

Living with Paralysis.   http://www.livinwithparalysis.wordpress.com

A Patients View.                    http://apatientsvoice.wordpress.com

Alexandra Hampton      http://journeyintoa.com

Looking for the Light Blog  http://lookingfothelightblog.wordpress.com

Marcus      http://survivorroad.wordpress.com

Owning It Log.   http://www.owningitlog.wordpress.com

Your voice is important please leave a comment. Please let us know what you like and what you don’t, the good bad and ugly. Is there other topics you would like to see addressed? We’re listening.

Melinda

Instagram

Hey there everyone!

Another change has happened within the last few weeks… I post a positive message (image) to my Instagram account every day! It’s typically a message that I will take with me through my day and I hope that seeing it helps others during their day. Check it out here!

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things that broke me – part 1

After some recent painful nights, I thought up the idea to create a series where I can release some of the things that continue to haunt me. I am trying to change myself, trying to be more positive, and change my way of thinking for the better. This is my way of cleansing myself and making way for beautiful change.

Let’s begin with one of the toughest ones.

I was in a relationship with someone for close to 4 years and he told me “I love you” out loud twice. There were times where I’d ask him to say it and he’d mumble it, but I rarely asked because it made me feel so pathetic even having to ask. The first time he said it on his own was when I tried to break up with him the first time (a month before actually ending it) and then the second time was right before I walked out the door for good.

His reasoning for not being able to say it was that his ex had “fucked with his mind for over a year”. At first, I understood that, but after we moved in together (after a year) and then more years stacked on to us being together, it felt more and more ridiculous and got more and more painful for me. I hate telling people about this whole thing because I still feel like an idiot. Who would put up with that?

I said it almost every day. Sometimes, I’d try to see how long I could go without saying it and I’d only last about 2 days. Why did I try not to say it? Because saying “I love you” to someone and NEVER getting an “I love you” back is so. fucking. painful. After a while, I felt embarrassed at myself each time I would say it.

Oh and we’re not talking about an agreed upon thing here. It’s not something that was ever okay with me and it was brought up many times. Some people have an understanding or whatever and that’s fine, but it’s not fine when it’s not agreed upon by both people.

Read the last 105 words here.

Maintaining

Originally posted on Journey Into A on November 15, 2017.

A couple of weeks ago I had a passenger who answered the phone and when the caller asked how he was, he said “I’m maintaining”. It stuck with me. It felt like the first time I’d ever heard someone say that.

The brain works in mysterious ways. Perhaps I’d heard that a hundred times in my life, not as many times to refer to as “common” when I’d usually think of the typical responses of “oh, doing fine”, “I’m alright”, “I’m good” or “I’m getting by”, I’m going through some things”, etc. I have truly no recollection of ever having heard that before, but this time I heard it, and I mean heard it, because I needed to hear it. He said something completely in the middle of those common responses.

It struck me as gold. It was a way to communicate that you’re going through the good and the bad that life throws at us. It was that middle ground that explains being in between or in transition or in coming out of something or changing. It alludes to you having gone through some things and that you’re actively working to move past them. It was beautiful. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I told him right then and there that I’d liked his response. I told him how it made me feel and how it provoked so much thought. It was an honest response. It was a way to not feel that guilt you feel when you toss someone one of those generic responses. You know the feeling- you get it with those people that you feel really could hear you and listen to you, but you give them the old “I’m fine” when they ask how you are. You gave them that response because you still aren’t sure if they will really hear you, when so many don’t listen or don’t want to listen. We don’t want to bother anybody with the truth.

Read the last 111 words here.

over analysis

if you have a problem that cannot be fixed…
meaning there is no solution what so ever, but you then analyse the problem over and over in your head (ruminate), you are in deep trouble of making yourself sick (mentally), and the more you analyse the problem, the more attached you become, which makes you analyse it more and more.

Analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis is the state of over-analyzing (or over-thinking) a situation so that a decision or action is never taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome.

then when you have a trusted friend who listens to your constant analysis, your friendship is in danger of ending.

i had an excellent example of this happening to me, and then me doing it to another friend too !

HIM: i had a ten year friendship with someone who would analyse things over & over & over & over…

in one year he analysed just one thing, which drove me completely crazy…he literally continually talked about one thing for a whole year….and there was never going to be a solution.

i wasn’t able to get him to talk about something else. really sad! but he was also extremely right-wing, which also effected the eventual end of our friendship.

ME: i currently have a problem that has no solution, and i’ve been ear-bashing a friend for the last three and a half years, about it. so the same scenario…with me doing it to someone else. scary. thankfully my friend has spoken to me to say enough. i’m so grateful he did.

analysis

rumination is very destructive to one’s mental health, so be warned….as you can loose very good friends if you keep talking to them about a problem that has no solution.

sedge808.

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The Horseman Named Stonewall

walls_001

On the hinterlands of the dismal grey wasteland of Relationship, at the base of Cold Mountain, loomed a dark grey fortress known as Desolation.

Its colossal walls were miles high and meters thick.

The top of the wall was a foreboding omen to those who dared approach from across the tundra. Craggy stalagmites protruded at odd angles like dragons teeth and witches claws. Bones littered the parapet where vultures had dropped the leftover carcasses of their prey.

Vigilant gargoyles with ripped wings gazed out onto the horizon. They perched themselves every 100 yards, digging their talons into the chipped rock of the facade. The commander of the citadel called on their allegiance by name – Defensiveness, Frustration, Exasperation, and Malice. With glowing white eyes, they penetrated the darkness, letting out shrieks of alarm should life approach out of the black.

The commander himself was the sole inhabitant of the fortress. A horseman who sat deep within the cold, grey rock of Cold Mountain.

His name was Stonewall.

He had built the fortress himself after subduing and slaying his enemies – both innocent and those wretches accused of treason against the crown. He displayed their crucified and impaled bodies outside the wall as a warning to his enemies. They flooded the plain as far as the eye could see until the tundra faded into the fog of war. He hung their decapitated heads and tortured bodies from the walls. Signs of failed attempts to gain entrance into his realm.

Sitting in his murky throne room, Isolation – a place of slate and rock, he slumped on his throne of dark cracked granite and twisted oak. The cold iron crown of Pride, atop his swarthy, creased brow.

Over the course of the hundreds of relationships throughout his time as a foot soldier and knight, he strategically and tactically built this place stone upon stone.

An impregnable keep from his witching enemy, Hurt.

He built it to protect him from Hurt and the outside world. A sanctuary where he would be safe and not have to fear about facing his nemesis, along with his chieftains, Regret and Resentment.

It was his last bastion of safety.

His refuge.

He never left. And he never had visitors…the last visitor he had was years ago. It was easier this way.

Less chaos.

Less struggle.

He remained in isolation without friends. Yet unimpeded by with burden of the outside wasteland of Relationship. Unprovoked by Hurt, the horseman maintained a rigid perimeter to be traversed in order to gain access to the outside world.

It both prevented entry and exit.

One moonless night, the harpies atop the walls wailed and shrieked. 

The horseman rose to his feet and stepped to the parapet of his throne room. Gripping his lance and torch, he glanced out into the wasteland.

Hurt was approaching on his steed and along with his chieftains.

Stonewall made his way to the rampart and silenced the guardians atop the wall.

“What is it you want my nemesis?” he shouted.

“I only wish to have a moment of your time my brother,” Hurt volleyed back.

“You have no business here, fool! Turn back and come this way no more! Before I command my beasts to lurch down from these walls and tear your skin off and feast on your bones and entrails.”

“YOU FOOL!” Hurt roared. “Do you think you can withstand my forces? I shall return with legions of my hordes and we shall gain entrance, tear down your walls, and feast at your table as you die.”

“These walls are impregnable and you would be fool to think you can circumvent them and cause harm. If you advance you shall receive no quarter.”

Suddenly, Defensiveness spread its torn wings and dove towards the invaders. Hurt raised his lance and caught the harpy in the throat, instantly dropping it to the ground as it choked on its own blood.

Upon seeing his guardian die, the horseman raised his fist and plunged it towards the ground, signalling Frustration to awaken from its stone shell and harass the invaders. With lances pointed at it, Frustration circled and when spotting his victim, he swooped down and ensnared Regret in his dagger-like claws. Sweeping back to the top of the wall, the harpy dropped his victim, impaling him along the rows of fierce spikes.

Frustration dove again.

Hurt threw out the net and caught the gargoyle in mid-flight, dragging it to the ground. And in one slash, decapitated the beast with his war cleaver.

The horseman summoned Exasperation and the beast dove to the ground below. In one movement, the seasoned guardian grabbed Resentment by his throat and soared back to his nest. By the time he had reached his perch, his victim’s life had been drained. Dropping the carcass, it lunged again towards its victims.

Hurt pulled his bow and an arrow from his quiver and drew on the advancing harpy. And at the precise moment, let his arrow fly, embedding it straight between the beast’s eyes.

No sooner had the guardian’s lifeless body crashed to the ground, then Malice gained flight and pursued Hurt.

As Hurt turned to reach for his sword, the harpy sank its claws into the enemy’s back and tore out his vertebrae, leaving his body collapsed on the ground.

As the raptor rose into the air Stonewall followed it with his eyes. He watched it until it landed on its pedestal and took its original stone form.

The war hardened horseman shifted his gaze to the plain below, pike still clutched in his fist. He had fought off Hurt and his commanders another day.

But at what expense he wondered.