Male Survivor is partnering with the documentary, What Will I Become?

MaleSurvivor textMaleSurvivor is partnering with a documentary in pre-production – WHAT WILL I BECOME? – the film centers on transgender people navigating masculinities and conversations on mental health. If you are a trans person of any sexual orientation participating in Male Survivor’s forum, we invite you to join. This forum was created in partnership with Lexie Bean (they/he) and Logan Rozos (he/him), the film’s two trans directors. Over the course of the year, Lexie and Logan will pose weekly questions and prompts to allow transmasculine+ survivors to offer their expertise in their own experiences, to add nuance to narratives around both trans masculinities and survivorship, and to explore how the internet functions as a creator of community.If you have any questions about the project, you may contact us directly at wwibdoc@gmail.com.If these themes resonate with you and you would like to discuss the film and potentially have your thoughts added to the documentary please visit the MaleSurvivor Discussion Forum WHAT WILL I BECOME?” is an independent film project sponsored by Fractured Atlas (www.fracturedatlas.org). You may also learn more about the project in this recently published Autostraddle article (https://www.autostraddle.com/what-will-i-become/) or @whatwillibecome_doc on InstagramWe are always grateful for your donations. They support all we do.MaleSurvivor Donation
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Male Survivor Discussion Forum & Chat Room Update

More than a half a million messagescheck. Greater than 70,000 theme-specific threadscheckNow surpassing 15,000 registered members  that is incredible! As we pass this milestone, we want to sincerely thank both registrants and guests. Now — in this time of the pandemic — the forum and chat room provide an even greater need for hope, healing and support. Today, more than ever, the MaleSurvivor organization serves as a unique “24/7” lifeline to survivors. Note that there are even many more participants who are guests, and never register. So — as a reminder — registration is anonymous and confidential. We NEVER share our database with ANYONE EVER. Registration is FREE and only requires a valid email address, which remains confidential. This enables you to reply to the verification email that our forum software sends out, after you register. 
Visit our new MaleSurvivor YouTube Channel
Watch recordings of our free Webinar of Recovery series, a continually growing resource…
— MaleSurvivor 25th Anniversary: an interview with Ken Followell, who started out as a participant in the forum, was then inspired to become a volunteer and eventually served as President of the Board of Directors of MaleSurvivor.org.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP7Kc6_X3K0&t=24s

— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Empowering Survivors of Sexual Abuse to Hold Abusers Accountable, a discussion concerning legal and personal strategies for confronting one’s abuser.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eiw66B9ISg0
— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Howard Fradkin, Ph.D In this webinar, Fradkin — a highly respected therapist, expert about abuse, and co-founder of MaleSurvivior — engages in a panel discussion focused on protecting children, adults and families from physical, emotional and sexual abuse.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4iZILiGVig

Male Survivor October Newsletter


Dear Friends,  With the launch of our new website, MaleSurvivor received several qualified and enthusiastic inquiries about serving on the Board of Directors. We are thrilled to introduce you to four new members:

  • Tim Kearns
  • Dennis Tyson
  • Brian Satterfield
  • John Shulanksy

Facebook fundraising has made it easier than ever to support MaleSurvivor
Facebook users have already raised more than $1,100 for MaleSurvivor. It is simple for you, too, to become the next!Remember, our upgraded website offers exciting new features:· 

  • An events calendar spotlighting a variety of upcoming programs
  • An updated therapist directory searchable by location · Much more! Visit malesurvivor.org to see for yourself

Other exciting MaleSurvivor news·

  • If you’re interested in becoming a board member or know someone who might be a good candidate, email murrayschane@malesurvivor.org
  • We’re continuing to make big plans:
    • Reformat our Dare to Dream program
    • Create a series of webinars for professionals and survivors
    • Reinstitute a major international conference for survivors and professionals
      • Bringing people together to share stories and strategies for healing is powerfully validating and healing
      • We’re aiming for New York City in late 2020 or early 2021

As always, even though a lot is going on at MaleSurvivor, we always have time for you – you’re the reason we do what we do. If you have questions or ideas, please reach out! Contact us here: ryan.newberry@malesurvivor.org. Otherwise, we’ll talk to you again next month!
Murray SchanePresident, Board of Directors

You can also mail your donation to:
MaleSurvivorPO Box 276
Long Valley, NJ 07853

The Others

Working through, the obvious become blatant and unavoidable.

Owning It

There is another sentence that is now honest and complete: The man who took me to NYC did so for one purpose, to sell me for sex.

He didn’t take me there so I could find a boyfriend and have a love. In my hormone soaked brain, only a sweet boy could mend my wounds and stop the bleeding. My desperation was normal teenage angst jacked on the damage of abuse. He had the fix to fill that gaping hole, NYC.

I went willingly. He baited me with Billy, who never turned up. He showed me cruising areas where I could have a new boyfriend every hour. He even fed me, 3 times in 4 days. Of course I was grateful, it all seemed like an opportunity. I couldn’t see how he was purposefully weaking me.

When he collected me from the rape, he also collected payment. While he stretched…

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Celebrating Surviving & Thriving

Tonight I am going to my 40th high school reunion. I am taking two intents: Celebrate and Curiosity.

On the surface we’ll be celebrating the length of our lives. I will also be celebrating survival. Survival is so much more than getting through the abusive acts. Survival to me is carving out a life with the ramifications deep inside of you.

I am going tonight to see people I never got to know. Some from my kindergarten class maybe there tonight. They may even have seen my assault. As we got older our class merged with others and grew. The first day of high school was only a few weeks after I was molested. I walked into that strange school a shadow hiding in darkness. I could rarely bring myself to be seen, let alone make friends. At the end of the year I was raped. It catapulted my alienation to a new level. Tonight I hope to get to know some and hear their stories.

The trauma of my abuse doesn’t control me anymore. I can breathe and be. Tonight I am taking the man I know I am, curious, friendly and kind out to meet his classmates. My classmates.

Witness

I recently read a post from a man who was drugged and raped. It kicked my gut back decades. It may as well have been 1974.

I got to thinking about the power of trauma. How it lingers and spreads its fingers. It’s effects are rarely a crisis anymore, but I feel it. I will always have been traumatized, it laid a nest deep inside of me.


I was 15 when I was raped by a man who said he was a dentist. A week later I had told one person what had happened. In an effort to calm me down, he told me it was “just a bad trick”. I stood on this world view, “toughened up” and stuffed my feelings.

Three years later, my twin sister and I needed our wisdom teeth extracted. Back then, the procedure required a hospital stay. I was given something to relax me before being wheeled to the OR. In that haze the surgeon smiled at me and I called him a sadist. They knocked me out with sodium thiopental.

Somehow in that deep sleepy fog I overheard a nurse say “that’s too much cotton, he will suffocate”. Panic punched through the drugs and I bolted off the table. I remember struggling as every hand in the room wrestled me down. I screamed and fought. I was plunged back under.

When I came to my gut hurt more then my mouth. I learned they used restraints to hold me. My poor sister heard my “blood curdling” screams. The incident was treated lightly, written off as being a reaction to the drugs.

I woke up from more than an operation. I finally came to from my rape. Alone in that hospital I witnessed just how deeply I was traumatized. I didn’t want to see that thread leading right back, but I couldn’t ignore either.

I was also proud and reassured. Even unconscious and heavily drugged I viciously defended myself. I took comfort knowing my reaction was on a hair trigger. I could be safer in the world knowing action would be my response. In self defense, I kept that spring wound tight.

I’ve since learned I don’t need to apply pressure to be ready. This is in me. The rape will always have happened. My psyche is marked, but my soul is free to choose peace.