EMDR Journey Notes – Catch up — Owning It

I am a few days into my decision to get EMDR. Just opening the subject has been fairly powerful and I want to maintain a diary of the process. I will share what I’ve posted elsewhere and from here out will be doing entries here. 9/2/2020 Guys I interviewed a therapist who does EMDR today. […]

EMDR Journey Notes – Catch up — Owning It

Male Survivor Discussion Forum & Chat Room Update

More than a half a million messagescheck. Greater than 70,000 theme-specific threadscheckNow surpassing 15,000 registered members  that is incredible! As we pass this milestone, we want to sincerely thank both registrants and guests. Now — in this time of the pandemic — the forum and chat room provide an even greater need for hope, healing and support. Today, more than ever, the MaleSurvivor organization serves as a unique “24/7” lifeline to survivors. Note that there are even many more participants who are guests, and never register. So — as a reminder — registration is anonymous and confidential. We NEVER share our database with ANYONE EVER. Registration is FREE and only requires a valid email address, which remains confidential. This enables you to reply to the verification email that our forum software sends out, after you register. 
Visit our new MaleSurvivor YouTube Channel
Watch recordings of our free Webinar of Recovery series, a continually growing resource…
— MaleSurvivor 25th Anniversary: an interview with Ken Followell, who started out as a participant in the forum, was then inspired to become a volunteer and eventually served as President of the Board of Directors of MaleSurvivor.org.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP7Kc6_X3K0&t=24s

— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Empowering Survivors of Sexual Abuse to Hold Abusers Accountable, a discussion concerning legal and personal strategies for confronting one’s abuser.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eiw66B9ISg0
— MaleSurvivor Webinar of Recovery: Howard Fradkin, Ph.D In this webinar, Fradkin — a highly respected therapist, expert about abuse, and co-founder of MaleSurvivior — engages in a panel discussion focused on protecting children, adults and families from physical, emotional and sexual abuse.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4iZILiGVig

Hollywood’s Male #MeToo Stigma and the Fear of Coming Forward: “It’s Looked Upon as a Weakness” — Looking For The Light

The Hollywood Reporter by Rebecca Keegan June 26, 2020, 6:15am PDT More than two years into the movement, male victims grapple with consequences after speaking out, from mockery to job offers drying up: “I’ve never been so vulnerable in my life.” Last fall, Johnathon Schaech was running out of options. After making a living as an actor for […]

Hollywood’s Male #MeToo Stigma and the Fear of Coming Forward: “It’s Looked Upon as a Weakness” — Looking For The Light

Webinar on Trans People and Male Sexual Abuse

June 29, 2020 at 7pm ET The event will address the transgender community, and its experience with male sexual abuse. The free, one-hour event will have three keynote panelists — Lexie Bean, Charlie Hidalgo and Devin-Norelle. Bean will read excerpts from his recently published book – The Ship We Built. Panelists also will respond to questions from webinar attendees.  About Bean’s new book, one reviewer wrote: “While the book tackles big issues, primarily addressing being trans and queer and surviving incest as well as touching on parental incarceration, anyone who has ever been a sad or confused child will be able to see a little bit of themselves in (the book’s main characters) Rowan and Sofi.”  To register for the event, go to: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/3315925773375/WN_8bR0oKB4TZyonR5xRge8bg

Men Too Author — Noted Expert on Male Survivors —To Take Center Stage at June 24th Webinar 

Male Survivors

Dr. Kelli Palfy — a noted psychologist who has conducted extensive research on male survivors of sexual abuse — will be the featured panelist at the next MaleSurvivor.org Webinar of Recovery. It’s slated for Wednesday, June 24, 2020 from 7pm to 8pm.The event is free to MaleSurvivor members and guests, and it promises to be compelling, informative and healing. Register now (with a valid email address) at: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/7715924026213/WN_zqE8Z5xnRqKqXO5lye9PHw  Palfy’s new book — just published — is gaining positive reviews nationwide. Its full title is: Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse. Two MaleSurvivor board members — Lee Friedman and Nathan LaChine — will help lead the discussion. Questions from those in attendance will be welcomed and addressed.The book focuses on the personal — and heart-wrenching — stories of 13 male survivors of sexual abuse.

Male Survivor Matching Donations


 Dear Friends, 
As you know MaleSurvivor is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. Our all volunteer staff support the daily operation of our Discussion Board and Chatrooms which enables men from around the world to connect and find support. Our online community continues to grow with over 14k+ users from over 90+ countries. We are a diverse, supportive, inclusive, and safe place for survivors to reach out, connect, and be supported by fellow survivors.

We have completed the first phase of our website redesign which made us mobile friendly so our resources are available when you need them no matter on a computer, tablet, or smart phone. To enable us to continue to offer these services and complete phase two we need your support, please consider donating to us today on Giving Tuesday!

With Facebook’s matching every dollar you donate gets DOUBLED! Please help us support all male survivors of sexual abuse and give the gift of healing this holiday season.

Donate now!    https://www.facebook.com/donate/2501167470001433/ 

Thank you for your support,
MaleSurvivor Board of Directors and Volunteers 




You can also mail your donation to:
MaleSurvivorPO Box 276
Long Valley, NJ 07853

Male Survivor October Newsletter


Dear Friends,  With the launch of our new website, MaleSurvivor received several qualified and enthusiastic inquiries about serving on the Board of Directors. We are thrilled to introduce you to four new members:

  • Tim Kearns
  • Dennis Tyson
  • Brian Satterfield
  • John Shulanksy

Facebook fundraising has made it easier than ever to support MaleSurvivor
Facebook users have already raised more than $1,100 for MaleSurvivor. It is simple for you, too, to become the next!Remember, our upgraded website offers exciting new features:· 

  • An events calendar spotlighting a variety of upcoming programs
  • An updated therapist directory searchable by location · Much more! Visit malesurvivor.org to see for yourself

Other exciting MaleSurvivor news·

  • If you’re interested in becoming a board member or know someone who might be a good candidate, email murrayschane@malesurvivor.org
  • We’re continuing to make big plans:
    • Reformat our Dare to Dream program
    • Create a series of webinars for professionals and survivors
    • Reinstitute a major international conference for survivors and professionals
      • Bringing people together to share stories and strategies for healing is powerfully validating and healing
      • We’re aiming for New York City in late 2020 or early 2021

As always, even though a lot is going on at MaleSurvivor, we always have time for you – you’re the reason we do what we do. If you have questions or ideas, please reach out! Contact us here: ryan.newberry@malesurvivor.org. Otherwise, we’ll talk to you again next month!
Murray SchanePresident, Board of Directors

You can also mail your donation to:
MaleSurvivorPO Box 276
Long Valley, NJ 07853

The way in

Vague memories are surfacing. They are more notions then narratives, feelings then scenarios. It’s a bit unusual for me, I am hyper visual yet many of the details are just sensations. They’ve been locked away for four decades. The smallest thing seems a major revelation. He said he’d get me a toothbrush. I felt guilty he […]

via The way in — Owning It

The Others

Working through, the obvious become blatant and unavoidable.

Owning It

There is another sentence that is now honest and complete: The man who took me to NYC did so for one purpose, to sell me for sex.

He didn’t take me there so I could find a boyfriend and have a love. In my hormone soaked brain, only a sweet boy could mend my wounds and stop the bleeding. My desperation was normal teenage angst jacked on the damage of abuse. He had the fix to fill that gaping hole, NYC.

I went willingly. He baited me with Billy, who never turned up. He showed me cruising areas where I could have a new boyfriend every hour. He even fed me, 3 times in 4 days. Of course I was grateful, it all seemed like an opportunity. I couldn’t see how he was purposefully weaking me.

When he collected me from the rape, he also collected payment. While he stretched…

View original post 115 more words

Celebrating Surviving & Thriving

Tonight I am going to my 40th high school reunion. I am taking two intents: Celebrate and Curiosity.

On the surface we’ll be celebrating the length of our lives. I will also be celebrating survival. Survival is so much more than getting through the abusive acts. Survival to me is carving out a life with the ramifications deep inside of you.

I am going tonight to see people I never got to know. Some from my kindergarten class maybe there tonight. They may even have seen my assault. As we got older our class merged with others and grew. The first day of high school was only a few weeks after I was molested. I walked into that strange school a shadow hiding in darkness. I could rarely bring myself to be seen, let alone make friends. At the end of the year I was raped. It catapulted my alienation to a new level. Tonight I hope to get to know some and hear their stories.

The trauma of my abuse doesn’t control me anymore. I can breathe and be. Tonight I am taking the man I know I am, curious, friendly and kind out to meet his classmates. My classmates.

Decloaking

I am honored to have been invited to share my posts here. This blog is simply a chronicle of my story, past and present. I am a visual artist, developing bodybuilder, sporadic writer and survivor of sexual abuse.

Since I was a child, I navigated the world by hiding. I developed a complex array of secrets to drown my shame. But it never stopped reaching out and pulling me down. I wasn’t safe from it, I was stuck.

I saw just how brittle my world was when I broke my 17 year celibacy. There were no friends who knew I was or had any inkling why. I saw how completely I built a fragile fiction over my past. I resolved I would start to say exactly those things I didn’t want to. Just over a year ago I began this blog.

I’ve learned a lot since I began. As an artist, expression has always been vital to my well being. My artwork tends to be spontaneous and emotive, but secretive. Writing about my past strips me of that luxury.

I’ve grown so much through writing. Attempting to convey my feelings and thoughts raises questions that have been beneficial to track down. My values and goals have become clearer to me.

As a survivor I’ve searched for others. Hearing their stories has helped me know myself better. If you can see a bit of yourself here, please hold that reflection in compassion.