Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “left alone.”

Left alone. Left alone in the night Left alone to gaze at the stars tonight Oh are they so bright A brightness so bright It restores my sight Left …

Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “left alone.”

splendour in the grass

What though the radiance
which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

– William Wordsworth

A Chronic Illness Doesn’t Define You

A chronic illness will change the way you live life,

It can make you feel like you’ve been stabbed in every joint by a knife.

It can change how you view things, even your mindset,

You tend to feel like you’re forever trapped in a drowning net.

Your relationships will start to change,

Your life just feels like it has been rearranged.

A chronic illness can change a lot,

But don’t ever allow it to define who you are, no matter what baggage this illness has brought.

You are still you, just stronger,

This illness will not have a hold on you, not any longer. ♡

This post was first seen on lifewithanillness.com

~PAIN~

Pain has a way to rope and lasso you in, All you want to do is scream and escape your skin. In this tortuous and arduous situation- life has basically come to a hault, Never believe that this obstacle has ever been your fault. For, you will overcome this horrifying pain, Utilize the strength your…

via ~PAIN~ — Life with an Illness

The Diagnosis- Poem

The moment you hear your diagnosis for the first time, your breath that you lost, is something you try to find. You finally figured out why you’ve been suffering for so long, you try not to react, you just strive to stay strong. Tears unwillingly welt up in your eyes, all you want is a…

via The Diagnosis- Poem Style — Life with an Illness

A Chronic Easter Poem

Bright colored eggs everywhere, Love and sunshine fills the air. Laughter and hugs are being exchanged, Kids sneak around switching the eggs, so the original hiding spot is being changed. You hope your chronic pain won’t ruin the day, But you hide the pain at your family gathering so you can stay. Hug your family…

via A Chronic Easter Poem — Life with an Illness

Like You Once Did

Originally posted on Feb. 23, 2018 on Journey Into A.

 

I want someone to look at me the way you once did

I want their hands to brush aside the hair from covering my face like yours once did

I want their arms wrapped tightly around me like yours once did

I want their smile at me to exude and radiate like yours once did

I want to make them laugh like you once did

I want them to say sweet things like you once did

I want to dance happily together like we once did

I don’t want to feel this loneliness when I remember that I could’ve had what I once did

Maybe I will get through this alright

Originally posted on Journey Into A on Feb. 21, 2018.

Maybe something’s wrong here

Maybe something’s right

But I don’t have you

By my side

My heart is beating faster

My hands are cold as ice

I don’t know if my head will stop pounding

What happened last night

I feel the clouds approaching

Thunder will start roaring

Maybe I will get through it alright

I hear the train’s whistle blowing

Stray cats are moaning

Maybe I will get through this alright

Well you came knocking on my door

The look on your face

tells me so much more

Where did we go wrong here

Where did we go right

Maybe I will get through this alright

A Chronic Christmas Poem

Through all of the dark times, Christmas brings a cheery light that shines. Remember the ones who held your hand when you needed it the most, On this holiday, give them a big hug and hold them very close. Even though you may be in a lot of pain, Remember to live in the moment […]

via A Chronic Christmas Poem — Life with an Illness

Mended | [Poetry]

i built a little wall around

a broken little heart I found

that’d fallen out upon the ground

to save it from the hurt

i patched the hurt and kissed the pain

i hugged away the guilt and shame

i helped to make it beat again

the once l’il broken heart

The Darkest Thing

Laying on the couch.

Skeletal arm around me.

Sucks my soul away.

Toxicity | [Poetry]

Toxicity

My soul has left and with it,

The Albums and the Tags.

The memories put in boxes,

And thrown out in the trash.

Windows boarded,

curtains down,

paint chips fall onto the ground.

A weathered waste, at the end of town.

I pack up and I leave.

From the Archives -View-

I Want to See What You See | Poetry

Camera lens of happiness, to take away the grey

Cuz sunshine’s there, I see it, it’s just a million miles away.

Camera lens of hopefulness, to take away despair

The never ending fog of war, the loss of will to care.

Camera lens of energy, to take away the apathy

The never ending lethargy, the sits inside of me.

Camera lens of healing, to take away the pain

Cuz sunshine’s there, I know it, even through the rain

Depression | [POETRY]

|  depression

Driven to the hinterlands

driven to the gray

by the chemical reaction

of the chemicals I take

to balance the effects

of the chemicals I make

Sometimes | [POETRY]

Just a quick poem that came to mind tonight.

To my friends who will call because they’re worried, I am fine. I promise. Mom, Chelise, Mistaken…I really am.

…Just a little bout with Specter.

But he ain’t gonna win. 

I know other people needed to hear this so they know they are not alone.

Thank you for sharing.

Sometimes I miss my daughter

Sometimes I miss her bad

Sometimes I hate the loneliness

I wish I never had

Sometimes I like to be alone

Sometimes I wish I weren’t

Sometimes I wish someone would hold me

And take away the hurt

Sometimes I’m fine and focused

Sometimes I rarely am

Sometimes I shut the windows

And cry as loud I can

Sometimes I’m grey, the Specter

Sometimes I can’t bear the ill

Sometimes I think I’ll make it

Sometimes I doubt I will

Specter | [POETRY]

This is a repost of a four part poem I wrote on Specter, the personification of my depression. With it I hope that others suffering from the torment of depression and thoughts of suicide know they are not alone. Remember this is Suicide Prevention/Awareness month. Let’s help breathe hope to those who may be in a valley.

Thank you to my readers and followers for all your support. You are special to me.

X Chris

Specter, Pt. 1

Michael please save me,

deliver my soul.

Specter is slashing,

and tearing a hole.

It bites and It gnashes,

and tears open my wounds.

I don’t have the will,

it’ll be over soon…

Specter, Pt. 2

…And as I looked up,

my defender looked down.

Descended and thrust,

crushed Specter to the ground

His lance tip pointed,

at the devil’s crown.

Specter’s incisors and daggers

extended and grown…

Specter, Pt. 3

…Specter shrieked like a pig bled, hanging on slaughter.

Its lips ripped back over its chipped fangs,

the skin grew taughter.

He ripped and he tore,

at my back and my flesh.

He knew that his time

was limited at best.

Because the archangel had come,

and bore down on his evil.

As I rode the waves up and down,

in this life, so surreal.

Specter, Pt. 4

The Final Chapter

…And Michael roared,

at Specter under his heel,

“Thou shall not harm, leave,

you are cast out.

“From this place you torment,

I will cut you down.”

Sword raised in death thrust

The Protector bore down.

And severed the devil’s head

Throwing it to the ground.

I Thought of You | [POETRY]

With this month being Suicide Prevention/Awareness Month, I am reblogging my posts and poetry that deal specifically with suicide, as well as those things that often result in suicide such as (but NOT limited to) depression, bullying, etc.

This is a poem I wrote after I read a blogger’s post about wanting to die. Please share it with someone you are thinking of that is dealing with this RIGHT NOW.

I saw you THOUGHT of suicide,

I saw you wish you died.

Your loneliness and brokenness,

Were all you had inside.

The noose, the pills, the razors,

Sing songs OF sweet respite.

I know my friend, I’ve been there,

I tried too, to end my life.

So hope I send my warrior,

My majestic, fighting friend.

You will not give up that easily,

You’ll fight it to the end.

When life, and friends, and family,

Jeer and taunt YOU to the last.

Hang onto life you solid rock,

Someone needs you now, not in their past.

---

Jar of Emptiness | [POETRY]

Someone was preparing to end their life. 

You prevented them from doing that without even knowing it…

Please pass this on to someone who is struggling with thoughts of suicide this September – Suicide Prevention/Awareness month.

I held a jar of emptiness

Lonely, full of gray

It sucked out all the sunshine

It took the joy away

You came and said hello to me

You put some brightness in

I will not forget your kindness

My thoughtful, loving friend

Strange Dream #10

Words and Tones | [POETRY]

In this poem, I wanted to interpret how words and tones can impact a person’s spirit. 

I wanted the words to this verse to create an impact in several different areas…

I wanted them to speak to bullying – in both a child’s and adult’s lives.

I wanted them to speak to abuse – physical, emotional, spiritual…

I wanted them to speak to the injury we may haplessly create regardless of our intentions.

My words and tones have caused hurt to others and they are something I can never take back.

I wanted them to serve as a reminder to myself and others of what we say and how we say it, can impact a person’s life right now.

Words and Tones

Their hateful words and tones of voice, ripped into her heart.

They ripped a life in two that day, they tore it right apart.

Ripping flesh right off the bone, of that 10-year old someone’s girl.

Their ignorance and self righteousness, broke her little world.

Their callousness and piercing tongues, broke the boy that day.

At 12 he never imagined, to see his self esteem thrown away.

Their burns and punches, curses flung, did his spirit break.

Leaving memories and happiness, destroyed in terror’s wake.

And when our tones, and little words, enter others’ ears.

Are we sending kindness and caring, or terrorizing little fears?

We can make or break a spirit, we can build up or break down.

It all depends on what we say, that make them smile or frown.

I’m Getting Her PTSD. Pt. 1 [Poem]

How do you relate to the people in your life with PTSD?

This post is part of a series of poems dedicated to my girlfriend. She has PTSD and severe anxiety and you will understand her story with each post. Each time I learn something about the mental conditions she lives with, I add a “part” to the series.

History becomes Her story-

She’s a beautiful soul, trapped deep in her keep,

In a place she won’t let most inside.

So I’ve entered slowly and cautiously here,

Not breaking the trust she confides.

Her levels and layers, her pain and her hurt

Run as deep as the red in her blood.

And I sit and I listen, to all that she says,

Which comes from her core that is good.

She tells me of rape, of the breaking of bones,

And a tear glistens down over my cheek.

For I’ve known the warrior, the battle hardened victor,

Not imagining her soft soul so meak.

Sometimes she gets up, in the middle of the night

She says that it’s just too hard.

She’ll leave then apologize because she’s flashed back

I’m not angry, I’m honored ’cause she let down a wall.

We tell each other, “You get me.” “You understand who I am”,

And we hold each other tight.

And I’ll hold her and treasure her, ’til peace arrives,

And helps her sleep through the night.

She’s grown on me, and taught me her life,

My mouth hangs open in awe.

For I’m getting her condition, her PTSD

I’m beginning to understand it all.

Do you have suggestions for supporting people with PTSD? Will you share them with us?

Outwitted | Edwin Markham

He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, a rebel, a thing to flout.

But Love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle that took him in!

Selfless | [POETRY]

Reblog this to someone who may need to hear it today.

Let’s reach out to our friends who are hurting.

Selfless

He took a little piece of him,

and placed it in my hand

I was hurting, sad, and broken,

and I couldn’t understand

Why he gave so selflessly,

and cared to share a part

Of him so free and graciously,

a portion of his heart

I Don’t Love You | [POETRY]

I Don’t Love You

Of all the cruelest, hurtful things,

that cut me to the bone.

The harshest are these, “I don’t love you.”

Those are the worst I’ve ever known.

-Surviving the Specter

The Wall | [POETRY]

The Wall

A little brick of hate was laid, down into the dirt.

Along with words of callousness, and spite, and wrath, and hurt.

A wall was built that housed mistrust, by someone I loved dear.

It grew in strength, brick by brick, each year it grew in fear.

All I could do was sit and cry, and beg that it’d come down.

But each day mortar, stone, and hate, solidified it with the ground.

I saw the light begin to fade, as it closed against the sky.

I hung my head in deep despair, in hopelessness I cried.

Then one day a dove appeared, against the blackened grey.

It chipped the joints, and broke the bricks, and toppled them away.

It pecked, and chipped, and split the wall, stone by simple stone.

For love and peace had reached a soul, that never the soul had known.

And now a garden there exists, in place of deep despair.

No brokenness, no sadness, no signs of disrepair.

For what was once a wall they made, was used to shut me out.

Love had now transformed through healing, and brought the rampart down.

Dragons Don’t Win | [POETRY]

Do we each have the moral courage to stand up for those whom are bullied?

I promise to answer the call.

WILL YOU JOIN ME?

Dragons Don’t Win

Today I saw her spirit, crushed and tak’n away.

The Punisher thought it funny, to treat the girl this way.

The target of repression, he labeled her downcast.

And struck her with his names and stones, and with his fiery blast.

And to the silent, brittle girl, I lunged to take the fire.

To shield her from the dragon’s heat, to help the flames expire.

And all the dragon did, was turn and walk away.

Because someone stood up to the beast, and saved a soul today.

My Angel, Oh My Angel | [POETRY]

My Angel, oh my Angel.

My Angel, Oh My Angel

I spoke with my angel as she cried today.

Her heart was ripped in half.

Her relationship with her mom had tumbled.

And hope was at best a laugh.

“My mom made me, feel like a fool.”

I can’t take this anymore.

It hurts too much, it pains my soul.

It breaks me to the floor.

“And when hope comes back to fill my mind,

I want to run away.

She’s broke my trust, that’s it, I’m done.

I quit, that’s what I say.”

And to my friend I listened, her heart was ripped in half.

Her gentle, fragile soul was spent, hope was but a laugh.

I hugged her through the mobile line, as kindly as I could.

And loved her, held her, heard her,

standing by her through bad and good.

If you could reach out to this angel, what words of comfort and insight would you be able to share?

Sunsets and Memories

Sunsets, like childhood, are viewed with wonder not just because they are beautiful but because they are fleeting.” ― Richard Paul Evans, The Gift

Sunsets, like empires and memories of love long ago, fade slow; first brilliant, then warm, and finally passing to silk brocade on black velvet.  How much more beautiful they are in memory when the busy moments of planning and passing through life have stilled.

STICKS and STONES by Topaz Winters

One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered. ― Michael J. Fox

“I sometimes pretend I’m a Phoenix” – Topaz Winters, from Sticks and Stones

 

It’s my pleasure to bring you another poem submitted by Topaz Winters. Her poem takes us inside the maelstrom of a wounded spirit stuck between feeling the reality of unrelenting anguish from abuse, trauma, abandonment, and the dream of love and life as first imagined. The journey to healing is never swift or without setbacks captured in the line, “I sometimes pretend I’m a phoenix.” Topaz’s advocacy for survivors and awareness is greatly appreciated.  Topaz offered her poem as a tribute to the readers and authors that know abuse and trauma all too well. Thank you for your continued support, Topaz.  And now, dear reader, I submit to you, Sticks and Stones by Topaz Winters.

Midnight Letters by Topaz Winters

I would like to introduce to you, dear reader, a gifted young lady that I’ve followed since I began blogging.  Topaz Winters is a young novelist, singer, and song writer whose contributions to the world’s music, literature, and poetry is indicative of an ancient and wise soul.  She works tirelessly at her passion for the arts while balancing a busy life.   Recently, She dedicated her poem, Midnight Letters, to the writers on Survivors Blog Here and our readers. 

I Remember That Day

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” ― G.K. Chesterton

I REMEMBER

In flames and rivers of blood they lay,

With weary eyes, they saw their fate.

As the chaos of war reached for their souls,

Courage bid them rise and fight that day.

When the battle raged and wounded fell,

Death threw open the burning gates of Hell,

And good men carried the Brave away.

Remember Our Veterans

Wall of Masks

“Words dazzle and deceive because they are mimed by the face.

But black words on a white page are the soul laid bare.” ― Guy de Maupassant

Based on original image from Associated Press 2011

Wall of Masks

The words fell naked from her face,

So proud to run a single race,

Alone each mile at her own pace.

A smile and eyes glistened red in light,

Each mask she wore slipped on skin tight,

And all their hues and colors were right.

They played all summer in heat and sun,

And all the friends were there for fun,

But for her the task was to pick which one,

To fall as prey to her sick game.

All rued the day they learned her name.

They came for joy, she gave them blame,

They drank those words to slack their thirst,

They drank until their minds near burst,

The lacy toxins only made it worse.

In their heart the seeds of hate,

Grew like weeds in the lake,

And when they knew, it was too late,

To erase the words their hearts now felt.

Words fell on backs like leather belts,

until bowed and on their knees they knelt.

She stood victorious all alone,

The sun set, there was no one.

She cries out loud but no one comes.

She taunts her masks with naked face,

And screams the words that set her pace,

To run for life in a single race,

Alone with all her masks of hate.

Strong Beauty

Delicate flower

Affectionately nurtured

Fostering strong beauty

❈

What have I learned this week?

• That I have to be my own steward and treat myself with kindness even when I don’t  feel I deserve it.
• I have to be mindful of the thoughts I keep company with.
• I have to remember that breathing is necessary to life.
• That sometimes things aren’t as bad as they feel.
• That being different is okay.  

What have your learned?

Of Joy and Shame

“Watch out for each other. Love everyone and forgive everyone, including yourself. Forgive your anger. Forgive your guilt. Your shame. Your sadness. Embrace and open up your love, your joy, your truth, and most especially your heart.” ― Jim Henson

 

Joy and Shame

The voice of Joy and Shame,

Forever call my name.

I hear their pleading day and night,

Step from the shadows into the light.

Come to me, the voice calls;

One rises, the other falls.

The touch of Joy, a fleeting game,

The rival player, a crying Shame.

I love them both, I cannot choose;

Side-by-side, they play my Muse;

At the end, I turn away,

They’ll be back another day.

Neither hopes to ever win;

But, they  know; I’ll play again.

The Mare

When I was a child,
There was a mare;
She waited for me each day.
With her, I rode to far off lands,
And dreamed my life away.
As I grew, she stayed in place,
Her eyes straight forward, her mouth agape.
I no longer noticed her wild-eyed stare,
Neglected by my hectic pace.
Then, one day, I returned to her;
Sadness and wrinkles upon my face.
One last time, I hugged her neck,
And together we rode away.