Looking for the Light

I am a Survivor. My grandparents love and years of Therapy pulled me from the abyss. I have clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving, forgetting to move forward. So many Angles touched my life, I can’t thank you enough.

 My mother and stepfather physically and emotionally abused me until I left home at 12 years old. From there I moved to my father’s, who sexually abused me as a child. It’s impossible to wrap your head around sexual abuse at any age. I moved from one frying pan to another. 

My father committed suicide in 1992. Estranged for years, we talked several times before his death. He would call saying someone was tapping his phone. He talked about suicide, I told no one. You can’t reason with a delusional mind.

When the Black Dog pulls me under, there’s one way out, ECT Treatments. I’ve had 20 treatments with minimal memory loss. Keep an open mind. Educate yourself on the ECT procedure and ask questions until you feel comfortable. It’s better than suicide.

I’m alive with strength from God, my husband, Therapist and Psychiatrist. I’m blessed with a husband who won’t give up no matter how hard it gets. It takes a village.

My background and mental illness is NOT a complete picture of who I am. Photography, Art and Music are passions. I love vintage cars, riding motorcycles and the great outdoors. As a teenager, I set a goal to see the world. My Bucket List continues to grow.

A student in Ancient History, Roman Architecture, World Religions and the Arts. I’m an animal lover. I’m sickened by animals abused and killed testing dog food or facial cream. I’m concerned about extinction, global poverty and the planet. Above all Education, children are our future.  

Pull up a chair and relax, you will find post on many subjects. I hope to see you again soon. Hearing your feedback is important to me. Leave me comment and let’s talk.

Melinda       http://www.lookingforthelightblog.wordpress.com

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20 comments

  1. I can’t press the Like button for this post, but know that I deeply feel with and for you, and have great respect for all the challenges you’ve faced. What do you tell someone who’s been through so much it would put national heroes to shame? All I can say is Respect.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you have a husband who supports you and who won’t give up no matter how black things get with you. I hope you find the right medication to give you relief from the bi-polar as it’s so hard to live with.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you David for the kind words. You sound like you are familiar with mental illness. I have an awesome doctor who I’ve seen for over 15 years, he has worked hard to keep me level or getting ECT before falling to far. I take my husband to most of my appointments so he can hear first hand what’s going on. My doctor tells him what to look for and if I reach a certain point to call and get me admitted. Many people are scared of ECT, I’ve had 20+ over the years and would not be alive without ECT. I’ll check out your site to see what you having going on. Thanks again for the encouragement. 🙂 Warrior

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hello my Wales friend David
        You are crazy funny. I spent so much time ready you’re comments and journal entries nothing else got done. I don’t know how you found me, so glad you did. Much of my life is way to serious and following you will provide a daily fix of laughter and words I don’t understand. You talk a bit differ from my friends in England. I’m American so we forget sometimes not everyone in the world talks like us. Glad I’ve traveled to know it’s far from true. I read a couple serious comments in your diary and we agree on almost everything. The American thing is a bit much to choke down, you understand. I know why you can’t get any writing done! You are an email addict. I can tell your friend/followers love you, a bit more reading and I may feel the same. I’m the young chick age on 51, although no book is in my future. I love blogging and the sense of community is awesome. My heart is filled with sunshine when I can help someone. I have Lyme, thank you for tweeting my post out, many retweets on it. I pray one person avoids Lyme, I will have helped one person. It’s a terrible disease. I found it interesting you tweeted out a post about Lyme. Any connection to Lyme? I hope you’ll drop by again and drop a line on how you found me.
        Many Hugs Back at You,
        Melinda

        Like

    • Hello friend,
      Did you read my About Me page? I’m not sure how to comment. Its heart breaking to hear your daughter lost her father so young. It must have been unbearable for both of you. No doubt you felt tremendous pain to see your daughter in pain.
      I would really appreciate knowing what post you read so I can comment directly. I hope you will follow my blog so I can be here for you to lean on for support.
      I look forward to hearing from you.

      Like

      • Yes, I read it. I have 3 girls. “Bed” was written for my oldest now 21…my teins will be 18 in march. It has, as you can imagine, been a long road but their past is now waking up and pushing through. I have one foot already on an unknown path to walk with them and it is very scarey. The PTSD is begging to surge…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hello Heather?
          I’m sure watching three girls grow up is very painful. Certainly if they were anything like me. I hope you are seeing someone for the PTSD, it has a crazy way of throwing you up in the air and twirling you around. I don’t suffer from PTSD very bad or often. A close friend of mine who did several tours in the military suffers terribly. It’s hard to bring him down or hang on.
          We have much to talk about. I look forward to getting to know you.
          Hugs M

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Reading through your description of yourself and your experiences, I’m taken aback by how alike we are. What a wonderful way the internet makes for us to connect to like-minded, kindred spirits across the oceans. The way you research on topics that have meaning for you; the love of animals and deep concern for the environment; the love of books; the refusal, really, to take life at surface value – all could have been written about myself. We even share a name. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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