This is why it came as such a shock: He was hiding secrets from you. Little secrets you never knew. Little secrets that grew and grew. Little secrets that became big lies. A web of deception that took over his life.Quote of the Day — Help for Partners of Sex Addicts
Night-time was the worst. It was always the worst. Usually in the day she could put it from her mind. But when she tried to sleep all the memories returned.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to focus your mind on just one thing that will help you to hang on, and also reconnect you with your inner strength. The following questions might help with this:
1. Can you think of one occasion when you felt “it was too much”, and yet you found you coped, and you made it through the day? How did you manage to keep going at that time? How can you apply that to what’s happening right now?
2. Can you think of one key strength that is part of who you are, that gives you confidence, and persuades you “you’ll survive”? How can you ensure you keep accessing that strength?
3. Identify one boundary you…
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Once upon a time there a girl who dreamed about being desirable and beautiful. She had married her prince who had told her she was great. They made love all the time – wild, passionate love. And the girl felt confident, and good about herself.
And sometimes the girl would go off to the mall and look through the lingerie in cute little stores. She would picture how she’d look if she wore this or that, and wondered if her man would like satin or lace. She really loved them all. It was a hard to make a choice.
And the girl so loved her prince. She felt safe and good with him. She knew that she was lucky. Her life was like a dream. He said he felt the same. She was all that he could need. His princess held his heart. He would never do her wrong.
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“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”This quote by the tennis player Arthur Ashe appears quite a lot on social media. It’s the kind of cute quote you might expect to see there. It’s the kind of cute quote I’ve posted myself when life has been happy, or at least humdrum.
It’s the kind of cute quote that can give you a lift, and inspire you to try, and make a start on your dreams.
But it’s not the right quote if you’re curled up in a ball, and you’re dealing with a trauma, and you think you’re going to die.
No! It’s not the kind of quote that you want to hear just now.
Then, one day you decide that your life must go on. You are going to survive. You are made of stronger stuff. Yes, the pain’s unbearable, and you…
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One of the most difficult questions people ask is “Should I tell the children or our families, or should it just remain between the 2 of us (my partner/ spouse and me)?”
There is no easy answer to this very troubling question. It is something you must think through, and weigh up, for yourself. Also, it is something I would urge you to consider carefully. Don’t give into the pressure to make your mind up NOW. In my opinion, it is better to be hesitant and cautious than to make a rushed a decision which you regret later on.
Here are a few factors to bear in mind as you contemplate what might be the right choice for you:
- Once the story has been shared it cannot be ‘unshared’. If you and your partner recover from this, and manage to build a completely different life, other people won’t forget and…
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“The work of forgiveness is not easy. It is not an effortless act for any of us, and it does not serve anyone to minimize the complexity involved in the work of forgiving. No, forgiving is not easy, but it is the path to healing.”
These insightful words were penned by Desmond Tutu, Chairman of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, in South Africa. If you’re aware of the abuses that the people suffered there – false accusations, torture, murder, and so on – then you’ll agree he understands that it’s hard to forgive.
And if you’ve been betrayed, you have suffered beyond words. The damage that it does to your heart, soul and mind are almost unbelievable, and shouldn’t be downplayed. We’re talking about trauma that can resonate for years.
And, of course, you’ve heard forgiving can help you to move on. But that kind of injustice and sorrow grip…
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Being part of a group of betrayed partners and spouses was nothing I envisioned in a million years. For who of us expects to be betrayed by their spouse, or expects to be married to a sex addict? It’s not the kind of thing you ever think or dream about. And it’s not the kind of thing you really want to talk about.
In fact, you think you must be starring in some other person’s life – for you simply can’t believe that this is happening to you. It’s scary, and it’s crazy, and it cuts you to the heart. And that’s why it’s so important to encounter wives like you.
A community of women who are walking this road, too. And a group of shell-shocked women who just get what you’re going through. It becomes a kind of life-line for these women understand. There is no need…
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