If you looked me right in the eye Would see the pain deep inside?
Would you take the time to
Tell me what I need to hear
Tell me that I’m not forgotten
Show me there’s a God
Who can be more than all I’ve ever wanted
‘Cause right now I need a little hope
I need to know that I’m not alone
Maybe God is calling you tonight
To tell me something
That might save my life
It’s usually a battle. And I never look forward to it.
I’m ashamed that I feel myself withdraw from my daughter because the torture I go through with her mother over the issue.
It’s NOT right.
I know this.
I am a poor dad for doing so.
“I’m human”, I plead to the masses ready to lead me to the desert of retribution outside the city gates for crucifixion.
“It hurts too much.”
“It’s too much to take.”
And my resolve collapses.
Shame on me.
This week I made a small stride…
“D”(aughter) went to Florida with her mom for 10 days.
She was to return today to spend 10 days with me.
She called last night to ask if she could stay in Florida for another four days.
I told her “yes” and to enjoy herself.
Some Lessons I Learned-
1. Humility. In the grand scheme of things, “D” is the Lord’s child, not mine. I am merely His earthly representative to guide His child on her earthly journey. This has helped make these valleys of mine, “easier” to traverse. It helps me put things in perspective.
I had to let go of my pride and focus not on what would hurt me, but what would glorify Him.
This. Can. Be. A. Tough. Lesson.
2. Selflessness. I had to put someone else’s desires above my own egocentric wants. Was it the right decision? Did it answer the question “What Would Jesus Do”? I have faith that it did.
3. Anger. I was able to harness my anger and resentment towards “D’s” mother. This is a struggle I have, thanks to my anger-based personality. Last night, I won in the gladiatorial arena.
4. Spirit Strength. It was not my inner strength and resolve that enabled me to take the high road. I don’t have that strength.
I am a person of retribution and vengeance.
I have cruel intentions.
I am a person that crumbles to getting even rather than understanding.
Totally opposite of what Christianity teaches, right? Yes, you are correct.
That’s why this situation wasn’t resolved because of my intestinal fortitude. The only reason I was able to traverse this river of Styx was through the Holy Spirit’s power.
Thank you for reading this post, my friend. What are your thoughts and suggestions in this situation? Maybe we could be support buddies 🙂
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