Switch It Up

Originally posted on April 28, 2018 on Journey Into A.

A couple nights ago I was having some real nasty, dark thoughts and I just needed to refresh somehow and home decor is one of my facets that really helps me out of that trench. I love it, I’m inspired by it, I strongly believe that what’s in your environment is what’s basically in your head. So I started reworking one section of my room and the final look is about 90% different than it was prior.

Here’s a little of the “before” and I guess a bit of background. (Side note: I pulled these pictures off my Instagram so they’re not all edited the same- bear with me here.)

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This was what I put together when I first moved in. Featuring Spaghetti (RIP)

Now, I have enough furniture (minus a couch and bookshelves) to decorate a 700 sq. foot one bedroom apartment- which is what I lived in with my ex for 3 years. So moving into a smaller room (12’x11′), I’ve got to “store things” in it by maximizing the space I have. That wall has 4 pieces of furniture on it. One being a smaller little thin table, one is a (heavy) confessional chair from the 1800s, and the other two are larger pieces- a dresser and a rustic thin table. Two of those items I cannot move, one is just perfect for storing smaller things and housing things I like to look at- so those three are permanent. What is on top of them or added to them, however, is not (except for the TV, there’s no other outlets).

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When I first moved in, this is the wall to the right of the one pictured above. My headboard is opposite it. Featuring Millie.

There wasn’t a whole lot I could do with this wall because of those doors and it doesn’t have any outlets. The piece that stuff is on top of is a big rectangle table- like the size of a set of drawers, but open inside with one prominent shelf (I’ve got a plastic drawer that houses my winter accessories on there, some journals, helmets, random knick knacks) and one that’s more hidden underneath it (perfect for things I don’t know where to put/cleaning products/old paperwork, etc.). This piece especially had to go here because on the other wall, there’s the only vent and if it were to sit there, it would cover it which is a huge no-no for me when this girl needs her warmth big time in the cold winters. I mainly made the top of this prettier because it would be something I’d see more often when I woke up in the morning.

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Reworked this section about 6 months into living here.

I had those baskets under it to house more books. The bottom shelf had books lined up vertically. I went through more of my things under my bed (boxes) to sell some items I should’ve prior to moving from CA- books, DVDs, etc. I sold a bunch of books that I really didn’t need anymore- none that would inspire me again- and I pulled out more that I had had on my list for a while. So then this area became one where I housed the books I wanted to read and this way I could see them and have easier access to them. The remaining books under my bed are ones I’ve already read or ones that I’m not in a hurry to read. I added a bunch more books than there was before, which meant I needed to make them all fit- which is how the stacking variations came into play. Those stacking variations led to openings to fit vases or knick knacks I didn’t have a place for previously. Then on top of the table, I got a Himalayan salt lamp, and the rest were just some knick knacks I had to make it look nice.

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This is a minor rework I did about 9 months after I moved into this room.

This was mainly moving that round mirror over and removing/adding knick knacks. I also got some fake florals from Michaels that I made into fun, bright floral arrangements for pops of color. To the right, hanging on the door, I moved a picture hanging garland that used to be strung around the mirror. I felt it added extra color and love to an otherwise bland/normal area.

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Yesterday morning. After partially reworking the area. Featuring me.

The main thing I wanted was to move that mirror over which meant I had to move a top table organizer (not the actual name for it, but that’s the best I can describe it as right now) and a bigger piece of artwork. Not a whole lot happened here, but it spruced it up, definitely. The left wall, however, didn’t feel right at all. I had to move the organizer (thing) on top of the dresser because it was longer than that thin tall table which then lead to the TV put on top of it.

Now there was a lot of added height to that space which I hadn’t originally expected. I didn’t think that organizer was longer than that table, but I wanted so badly for that mirror to go on the other wall and the mirror wouldn’t lean safely on that organizer’s smooth top (it could fall after the dog jumps off the bed). Having started this project 30 minutes before bedtime, I had to leave most of the (very) impromptu project for the next day.

Like I said before, I was having dark thoughts and I kind of threw my hands up (at how I was feeling inside) and thought “okay change something”. My environment is always a good one to change up because I have to live in it and if it’s not inspiring me or making me happy, I need to find a way that will. I wanted these two walls now to be more colorful and come alive again. This photo was after I had looked around in the morning sunlight at what I’d done which was the catalyst to my brain then reworking the puzzle and for the rest of the day I was coming up with ideas on how I wanted it to look and feel, how I could have even more storage space, how I could be further inspired in my day to day.

See the finished product and read the last 466 words here.

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath

Originally posted on April 21, 2018 on Journey Into A.

Black Sabbath.

My top artist. I think they just may be my favorite band of all time (which is huge for me to say). I could listen to them all the time… in fact, I did for months just this past year. Only them on repeat.

I’m not entirely sure why, but they literally make me happy. I listen to them and my mood gets better, I feel relaxed. Any anxious feelings go away. Perfect for the car before I go to do something that makes me feel anxiety. Even writing this post now makes me really happy.

The song I’ve probably listened to the most is “Sabbra Cadabra”. It’s upbeat and just fucking great. If I were a runner, that’d probably be the one I’d start out my run with. It’s definitely high energy and gets me moving.

My next most listened to is “Killing Yourself to Live” which is really one of my current theme songs. It’s about the way people are living their lives in misery. I see it as that end goal of “if I work hard enough now, I’ll get to live my life after” whereas life should be lived now and you’re dying already.

Read the last 135 words here.

The Godfather

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 23, 2018.

For some reason, I crave watching The Godfather (and The Godfather Part II) every once in a while. In the past, it’s usually been when I do a deep cleaning or something- I’d have it on in the background. This time, however, I watched for the love of it… three times in one week.

I couldn’t help myself! and I couldn’t stop. I think it could possibly be because I hadn’t watched it in a couple years? Or I’m just making up excuses for no reason. I enjoyed every minute of watching those two movies over and over. It never gets old!

Read the last 67 words here.

Lesley Gore

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 22, 2018.

I have been listening to Lesley Gore a lot lately. “You Don’t Own Me” has been played about 20 times which probably isn’t all that surprising since all my recent changes have been shedding away things that have had “power” over me. I can’t get enough of it. It’s like my theme song of the moment.

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My favorite part about her music is that it’s bubbly with lyrics that are sometimes a punch to the face. She’s a badass! “Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You”… *insert heart eyes emojis here*. She gives women power and strength!

There’s pain, angst, absolute beauty, and total strength in her voice. It’s empowering. I can definitely say that I am in love with her! Look her up!

Thanks for listening 😉

Felix Felicis

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 20, 2018.

I believe an update is warranted since I’ve made all these life changes…

It honestly feels like I have taken felix felicis, aka liquid luck (for all you non-Potterheads out there). It feels like every single move and decision and thought I make is the right one preparing me for the future I so wish to have. It’s incredible.

I haven’t felt this type of motivation in years. Solely because I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what the hell I wanted. Now, though, each day is it’s own step toward a greater goal. I am first and foremost bettering myself as a human. I’m changing the way I think and how things make me feel. I’m changing how I react to things and the way I talk about things.

Read the last 109 words here.

Instagram

Hey there everyone!

Another change has happened within the last few weeks… I post a positive message (image) to my Instagram account every day! It’s typically a message that I will take with me through my day and I hope that seeing it helps others during their day. Check it out here!

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Similar Strangers

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 17, 2018.

Sometimes I don’t really even know how it happens, but I pretty often have amazing conversations with my passengers (I drive for a rideshare app). Those conversations make it all worthwhile, work and, truthfully, life itself (shows humanity in a kind light). No matter how I’m feeling, I know that any day I go out driving, I will still have one of these awesome conversations. Those conversations sometimes help me make sense of the world, or they let me see joy in small things, or they teach me new ways of thinking and seeing. It’s nothing I’ve experienced in any other job.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I had a passenger for about 40 minutes (traffic). He started off by asking me if I like Black Sabbath because I had their playlist going, to which I replied that I love them. Then it branched off into how I only really listen to oldies classic rock and how that originated and how it’s been 90% of what I’ve listened to for the past 5 years, yadda yadda yadda. Well, it turns out a lot of our music “origin story” was the same. I’ve never met another person that had such similar experiences! It was wild!

We both were raised listening to oldies classic rock. My dad would always have it on and so would his dad. We both didn’t know there was anything new for a chunk of our childhoods because all we heard was classic rock. Once we figured out there was a lot more music out there, we both explored, but as we got older, all we wanted to listen to anymore was oldies classic rock. Sometimes, we listen to newer stuff, but it doesn’t last long and we revert back. Put on a classic rock station in the car and we can sing along to any song, like a human jukebox, BUT we have to hear the first few seconds of the song to have the lyrics spring to mind. More often than not, we won’t know the title of the song or the artist.

I felt so normal. Not like it was ever a major negative with my life, but I haven’t met anyone else with such similar experiences. Those experiences are usually anecdotes when talking about how my taste in music came about. Apparently, it’s a little unusual what I like to listen to so I tell them those things which usually brings about a laugh. I like to think those experiences made me special because I’m proud of my music taste- a lot of it took deep exploration (thank you internet) and lots and lots of listening time.

Read the last 179 words here.

Sunny Feels

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 16, 2018.

Here is one of my playlists (via Spotify, I hope you have it). It has songs that make my mornings a whole lot easier! Anxious? Depressed? This playlist makes me feel at ease and joyful.

It includes songs from George Harrison, Donovan, Paul Simon, Carole King, Townes Van Zandt, Sandy Denny, and more! I hope you get the same feelings from it as I do!

Happy listening 🙂

Meditate It Away

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 13, 2018.

I was having a really rough day just over a month ago and I asked my best friend for some help. She had a bunch of positive affirmations and I needed some. She also told me about a meditation app. That meditation app has been my daily helper ever since I downloaded it!

The app is called Simple Habit. There are 5/10/15 minute meditations available with a ton of topics! I do it everyday before I leave the house. It clears out all my anxiety and any depression I may be feeling. It’s got options for if you’re having a rough day or starting something new or just going to start your day, etc.

Within the first few days, I noticed a change within my self and mind. From the teachings I’d meditated along with, I could just let my thoughts be instead of letting them get inside me and fester. I felt stronger just breathing and being at peace. I had much more appreciation for myself and my life.

Read the last 143 words here.

Changes

Originally posted on Journey Into A on March 12, 2018.

I had a day all to myself recently where I could just relax and do absolutely nothing. I thought it would be a great day, but somehow I still ended up feeling anger or sadness. Before I went to sleep, I really thought about this and asked myself “what was it that got into your day to make you feel so upset? You were at home all day! There shouldn’t have been anything to upset you.” I realized that the only times I felt anger or sadness were from when I had opened my Facebook app.

So I deleted it.

Now, I just deleted the app so I still have a Facebook, but I don’t have the easy access to it like I did before. I haven’t fully deleted it because of all the photos as well as the fact that that’s how I can reach my page (to promote my blog). I haven’t been on it in about 3 weeks and it has been so nice!

I have been trying to change my way of thinking for the better the past few months and everyday, I still kept getting dragged into the same old thought patterns. It always stemmed from going on that app and seeing so much hate and anger and sadness and complaining. It was too much. If I couldn’t control their narratives, then it was time to control my own.

I didn’t have to go on it. I didn’t have to read their posts. I didn’t have to be upset from, well, bullshit anymore. I could free myself from it. I have that ability.

Read the last 221 words here.

The Thing Is…

Originally posted on March 8, 2018 on Journey Into A.

The thing is, I tried to end it. I tried to end it TWICE just two weeks prior to you ending it, but you wouldn’t let me. You. wouldn’t. let. me. When you do something like that, not wanting them to end it, it gives a person hope. It makes them think that you’re not willing to let go and want to figure things out (which is also what you said, so that just confirms it).

The thing is, you decided to do it at the wrong time. For weeks, I was excited to go to that event and you decide, halfway through, that then’s the time to end things. You waited just long enough to see your friends. You knew a bunch of my friends were there and they were going on next. You didn’t think it would ruin my night?

Read the last 118 words here.

Things That Broke Me – Part 3

Originally posted on Feb. 24, 2018 on Journey Into A.

Here we are with the next bit to release…

This one stems from good ol’ Valentine’s Day. Basically Old Faithful for pain.

Valentine’s is one of those days that makes you think about what has happened on all the previous ones, or at least that’s what happens for me. I’ve been hurt on more Valentine’s Days than not. I’m half terrified of the day each year.

Let’s start small. A high school boyfriend avoided me on VD and then called me from Ruby’s Diner that night and invited me to Ruby’s all in the same breath as when he said that I couldn’t possibly make it there in time to order and eat before his mom would pick him up… Lame.

One guy I dated took me to see “He’s Just Not That Into You” and then we sat in his car for over an hour after just listening to Dane Cook. He just turned up the volume or didn’t respond when I’d try to talk. I left the next morning for a week to NY and there was no “I miss you” or anything. That blew.

One year, a boyfriend broke up with me on VD saying that he’d “rather smoke weed than be with [me]”. Now, I had no problems with him smoking weed, but he had told me that he wanted to quit smoking and then would lie and sneak behind my back. All I ever wanted was honesty. He’s also one that used to ridicule my short hair after he dumped me so there’s not much lost in that relationship, but that experience on VD sucked.

Read the last 179 words here.

Like You Once Did

Originally posted on Feb. 23, 2018 on Journey Into A.

 

I want someone to look at me the way you once did

I want their hands to brush aside the hair from covering my face like yours once did

I want their arms wrapped tightly around me like yours once did

I want their smile at me to exude and radiate like yours once did

I want to make them laugh like you once did

I want them to say sweet things like you once did

I want to dance happily together like we once did

I don’t want to feel this loneliness when I remember that I could’ve had what I once did

Things That Broke Me – Pt. 2

Originally posted on Journey Into A on Feb. 22, 2018.

Welcome back to my cleanse! Let’s get going on the next one…

I guess this one would have to be about dating.

During my long term relationship is when all those dating/swipe apps (don’t want to name names, but you can make your assumptions and know you’re right) came out. I came out into a whole new world that I had no idea how to navigate in… and still don’t. I had friends teaching me how to use the apps and telling me what I should do and say and none of it felt very good and obviously hasn’t worked out so far.

I’ve probably deleted and re-downloaded the app about 9 times in the last 3 years. I try it, I go on a few dates, feel like shit, and then I delete it again. It feels like what it was like dating right after graduating from high school- where no one cares about anyone else, but themselves and their desires. Why would I not just keep off it? Well, I’m not exactly comfortable going to a bar or something alone and trying to start up a conversation with a stranger and think that could possibly go well. I don’t want to give up.

Read the last 180 words here.