Dear lupus,
You have changed my life. You turned my life, and my parents life upside down. You know, it was very hard to diagnose you. It took 2 years. That’s 24 months- 730 days- 17520 hours- 1051200 minutes- 63072000 seconds of my life spent trying to diagnose. For a while, I was in a really dark place. The darkness comes and goes, because of the trials you’ve put me through, and continue to put me through. I have been through tortuous trials to diagnose you- countless amounts of blood work, scans, hospital stays, steroids, and doctors appointments. I also had to make arduous decision to put school on hold, stop working, and quit running half marathons (which were my passion). You’ve put me through a lot, lupus. I blamed you. I blamed myself, wondering what I ever did to deserve this. You have caused so much hurt and pain in my life. There were doctors who didn’t understand what you were, so they turned me away. I have had friends and doctors who gave up on me. You tried to break me down, lupus. You took everything from me. But you know what? I am a warrior, and a survivor. I have certain friends and family who have only rallied against me. I have learned who is there for me, when I’ve needed them the most. I have a stronger bond than ever with my parents. I have discovered my passion and love for writing, which I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you, lupus. I am stronger, because of you. At times, I feel like you have only broken me, but you’re only making me stronger. So lupus, you may have changed my life, but if I had the chance to go back and redo my life or change experiences, I wouldn’t. You have made me into the person I am today. So, I may hate you, and hate the pain you bring me- I am also very thankful for the mindset you’ve given me, the strength I’ve developed, and the bonds I have formed with those around me. I know you will be something I will forever have to deal with, I also know there are positive attributes to having you in my life. Just know, you will never break me.
Sincerely,
This lupus warrior ♡
This post was first seen on lifewithanillness.com
